Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Conversations with my Wife (4/18/06)

The wonderful thing about talking to someone you love and trust is how it illustrates life's foibles and little feelings.
"Thanks alot."
"What did I do?"
"You woke my up last night."
"I did?"
"Yeah! You got up and went to the bathroom (and I warned you NOT to drink two bottles of water before bed). That's when I woke up."
"Do you know why I got up?"
"You had to pee...duh."
"Keep your voice down. You'll wake my parents."
"Sorry. Wouldn't want THAT to happen. I can hear your dad snoring. Nothing is going to wake him up."
"Sigh. I got up because you burped in my face."
"We were facing each other and at, like, two a.m. you burped. A nasty burp that smelled like...maple sausage. How could I sleep?"
"What? Come on. That's not true."
"It is too! You burped in your sleep."
"I've never heard of that happening before....Quick, call a doctor, this is amazing."
"Seriously, it was gross."
"Sorry, dear, but come on...it's kinda funny."
"I'm so going to kill you in your sleep one day."
"I love you too."
"Did you see
the article?"
"I did."
"How do you feel about it? Isn't it sickening?"
"A little, but I've seen worse."
"Such as?"
"Enron, for starters. Or how about Northwest?"
"That's different...."
"How? Those companies either went under or are near it, yet their executives were given cash hand over fist. Your company is still doing well."
"It's different. We did not have a good year. These guys didn't earn over 100 percent raises."
"That's your opinion."
"It's fact. We did not have a great year."
"Ok, ok...I give."
"It's just not fair."
"No one flirts with me anymore."
"No. The last time was a few years ago. I can remember it."
"No, dear. It's just that you've become a married person. You don't see it anymore."
"People don't flirt with me anymore. But you, well, women are grabbing you at conferences."
"Is that what this is about? Come on. Women don't find me attractive, they just see me as a viable option. It's a bunch of teachers. Most of us aren't...uh...hot as it were. That Van Halen video? There are no teachers that really look like that. Our job kind of destroys us."
"You move your buddy, you get flirted with. You go to the conference, you get flirted with. You stop by work and my colleague calls you, 'yummy.' It's not fair."
"Honey...honey. Do you really want people to flirt with you? Do you want to deal with trying to explain to someone, 'Sorry, been married for five years now. It's awfully sweet, but I'm taken. Besides......I hate it when guys flirt with you."
"That's because you're insecure."
"I'm short, fat, and not very good-looking. I got you on my charm. Charm, much like looks, can fade. I worry that you'll one day wise up and walk off."
"I won't go. You have to stop that."
"You say that now, but feelings change. People change. Isn't it enough that I think you're beautiful? That I love you with all my heart?"
"Of course, but you have to love me."
"I do? I kinda got the idea it was a choice."
"Nuh-uh. Till death do us part."

"That wasn't part of our vows...."
"Don't get smart with me."
"Sorry, professor."

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Ramblings for the Evening (04/16/06)

What a lousy week....
It's been long, full of surprises, and, well...odd.
Nothing like holiday time to bring out the crazy in people. Go Jesus!
So, without further ado: THAT WOULD BE...CA-RAAZZYY!
Meeting Normie:
Last week was the final home game for the Minnesota Wild. It was a great game. The home
team won 2-0 over the Chicago Blackhawks and included a goal from a player who then turned around and beat up a Blackhawk player. As Veilleux was carted off the ice (he was tossed), he gave the entire crowd a "raise the roof" move which, of course, made everyone cheer louder. It was awesome.
The highlight of that evening (for me), however, was not the game itself, nor the atmosphere of the place, but literally running into the junior senator from the state of Minnesota. I'm talking about Norm Coleman. As you'll
recall, I knocked down the former mayor of Saint Paul at the first game. This game, well, it was Norm Coleman. A friend of my wife was in a suite (lucky duck) and invited us down to join him (used two of his cohorts' tickets). Well, neither one of us had been on the suite level, so we decided to go.
After ten minutes of checking out the suite (very nice, but...it didn't feel right), I was...well...bored. It was all engineers, and they started talking about work. If I really wanted to hear about stents and such, I would go out to lunch with them. I walked out and started back to the elevators to go up. I was yelling back at my wife who kept asking, "Wait...where are you going?" I kept yelling back, "I'll see you up there when you're ready to come back."
In my idiocy, I walked into some older gentleman in a suit.
"Holy crap! I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" I asked this guy.
In a polite southern accent, he responded, "It's all right, though most people walk so they can see where they're going, not where they've been."
"Sorry," I responded. "When I lived in New York, I was able to feel people coming. Since coming here, that's gone."
"New York," I hear this eastern accent say. "Where in New York?"
I spin on the speaker to start to answer...and it's Normie.
"Manhattan." I respond.
Over the course of the next two or three minutes, I talked to Norm Coleman about living in Minnesota vs. New York. Then he was rushed off.
When my wife came back to her seat, I told her the whole story. I talked about running the southern guy over (still have no idea who he is), and she sat there just saying, "Yup, sure, whatever...."
Finally, I said, "Ok, he was wearing a yellow shirt. We'll check the paper tomorrow and look for his picture. He'll be in it."
As if trying to help me, the scoreboard cut to the inside of a suite. There's some guy in a suit. "What the hell is this?" Some guy in the crowd asked. (This guy would go on to win a game-worn jersey...schmuck.)
As the camera moves forward, we see Norm Coleman.
"HA!" I say to my wife. "You didn't believe me."
The crowd, upon seeing Coleman, a person who was instrumental in bringing the Wild to St. Paul, booed him. It wasn't a smattering with cheers. No, it was a full on gaggle of boo-birds.
I found it fascinating.
Regardless of how you feel about Coleman (you either voted for him, against him, or you didn't vote), it was interesting to watch his face as he heard the crowd booing. He looked up at the screen, obviously seeing that the camera was on him, and half-smiled. Then he waved at the camera and got up to walk over to someone.
Do you think he's worried at all about what's the come in November?
Fish Bait:
Tom, better known as Admin Worm, has ended his blog. I'm quite sad at this. His rants were particularly inspiring and often interesting. I just hope that he'll stop buy and comment on here. His thoughts are always welcome.
My in-laws are in town for Easter (Goooooo, JESUS!). It's been...interesting. My father-in-law has tooth issues and is pain. My mother-in-law is passing judgement left and right about my wife, myself, and my wife's other family members.
Yesterday, my wife ditched me and took her mother to the spa, leaving FIL (Father-in-Law) and I to fend for ourselves. What did he want to do? Go to Lakeville and check out the motorcycle shops. It was fine (though...well...how do I put this? There was a great deal of Arctic Cat stuff, if you catch my drift...think ABC area.), but my FIL spent the entire time essentially opening up to me about life.
Then, last night, we headed over to friend of FIL. These two got extremely drunk and shared stories about hunting in Africa. Then, for an encore, they sat there and fired shots at me for my "liberal tendencies" and for "ruining America."
"But Leab," you're asking, "How are you ruining America?"
Glad you asked. Teachers aren't doing enough to earn our money.
Sigh. SIGH!
Moving on. I think you get the point.
Wasted Development:
On Friday, while students were sleeping or relaxing, I was at a meeting with fellow teachers. Let's move beyond the fact that HALF of the faculty was missing and get to the part where the speaker was a former middle school teacher who talked to us in a high-pitched baby voice. "Have you all finished your cards? Hmmm. Gooooood. I'm so proud of you...." Sigh.
The meeting degenerated from talking about school issues to becoming an argument between two teachers. They went after each other. Now, I had lost my voice on Wednesday, and it was barely coming back on Friday. Annoyed, I raised my hand to be recognized and said, "Look....Some of us have a wife, some in-laws, and a bunch of stuff to do at home. Can we cut the petty arguments and get back to real work, please?"
It was quiet. The facillitator started to talk again. I wanted out for lunch, dammit. How dare she try to keep us past noon when no breakfast was served. I decided to say something. I raised my hand again.
She called on me, so I said, in a dark rumbly voice (a la Charlton Heston), "Let my people GO!"
There was a moment of laughter. She had no idea what to do, so she said, "Ah, just go to lunch."
Like I said...waste of time. Though I learned alot more about which teachers hate each other. Good stuff.
Another Show:
Another show opens this week. I'm nervous. I did very little work as I was told by the director to back off and only help when asked. I did just that. I'm just nervous that some things my not come together in time, but I seriously don't have the time this upcoming week (it opens on Thursday) to help. I feel these kids are competent, but I'm still worried.
And finally:
Much Like Wine....:
Happy birthday, Sister #1. Much like wine, you're getting better with age. Yes, I know you're bracing for 40 (even though it's years away), but I hope today went well.
I'm very proud to have you as a sister.