Ah, the beginning of October is here. Soon the leaves will be gone from the trees...then the snow will come. Oh yes, the snow will come.
So, without further ado: GONE, BABY, GONE!
Last Wednesday was killer for my mouth. I ended up laying in a chair in my dentist's office for three hours. Three hours!
That's not the bad part.
I ended up having to get a root canal, because he made a mistake.
Still not the bad part.
The office's music got stuck on the best of the Bee Gees. I listened to Andy and Barry Gibb for close to three hours.
That's Hell, ladies and gentlemen.
When I die, I will have a really nice condo in Hell. A ton of space will be available to me. Then I will leave everyday to go to a pit where I will sit in a chair and listen to the Bee Gees for all of eternity. That's Hell.
Of course this is if I go to Hell, which my wife says I won't. How nice of her.
I was at my Dentist's office because I have a dying tooth. It's called Resorption. Essentially the living tissue in this particular tooth is being sucked back into the body. It's making the tooth hollow. At first my dentist said, "We'll probably have to pull and replace with a fake tooth."
This was not a good option in my mind. The thought of a screw being pressed into my jaw and a fake tooth being put on top of it made me...unhappy.
So I was in the chair as he began to drill. After a few minutes of high whirring sounds and the smell of burning, my dentist stopped. "I think," he said, "I can actually just put a filling in....If I can just stop this bleeding."
There are a couple of issues that hit at this point.
1. Blood pouring into the back of my throat from my gums.
2. My dentist quietly cursing under his breath.
3. The fact that the Novocaine was wearing off. (This would happen twice and would require more shots.)
It turns out that the dentist drilled too far and hit the root of the tooth. This would mean I would need a root canal.
So here I was lying in the chair, listening to "Staying Alive" for the fourth time, and raising my hand because my dentist nicked my toungue with the drill and it both hurt and bled.
While I was in there, I started to contemplate a few things. If dentists want to truly make patients happy, here are some ideas for the office.
A. Do something interesting with the ceiling. This is what the patients see most of the time. Whether it's for cleanings, surgeries, or exams, the patients stare up at the ceiling the whole time, so do the following:
* Paint an intricate picture. Have it be multilayered so we can truly contemplate it's depth and meaning.
* Put interesting quotes and sayings up there. We can contemplate life.
* This is the most gauche, but place a projector going up so we can look at ads or movies or different pieces.
We can't talk, and we can't move, so give us something.
B. Have a system that allows patients to bring their own music. Again, we have to sit there. You get to concentrate on working, so you shouldn't care. Let us bring music to calm us down.
C. Don't talk to us. I like talking to you. We can share some interesting ideas, but I can't talk when my tongue is being tied down and sharp instruments are in my mouth. It's...um...hard. Don't ask me my opinions or ideas about something when I cannot answer. It makes me feel bad that I can't truly answer for you. Then again, I could write. Give me a whiteboard and a marker, and I'll talk.
This is what I contemplated as I lay there.
My jaw hurt when I went home. I was no longer numb when I left the office. In fact, because I just wanted to get it over with, I never told the dentist that the Novovaine had worn off while he was putting the filling in my mouth. It was a new pain. I can now say I've felt it.
The other issue is that I didn't need the root canal at first. He nicked it, so I had to get it...and I had to PAY FOR IT! I had to pay for his mistake. I thought it was slightly unfair.
Dentists do get a bad rap. Most people will go to a doctor, but you talk about a dentist and people wig out. Heck, just the sound of the drill can put some people in the fetal position. I don't mind the dentist. They think I'm cursed, but I don't mind them.
My mouth still hurts, however.
Burn, Baby, Burn:
So the guy in Anoka burned a cross into his own lawn? Because he hates his neighbors? Wow, that's gutsy.
It gave me some ideas.
Maybe I should paste some yellow stars on my house and lawn and say my neighbors hate Jews.
Maybe I should TP my own house and say that they hate teachers.
Maybe I should smash the windows on my car and say they hate foreign cars.
I could go on and on.
It just amazes me the lengths that some people will go to in order to get attention or revenge. This event also saddens me. It shows how evil humans can be (sure, it also shows how stupid they can be, but that is neither nor there).
I also find it fascinating that no one is really talking about this.
This story also illustrates why people are so cynical about the world. Man cries out that he's been wronged. That he's been a victim of a hate crime...but he lied. How you can trust anyone when they keep crying wolf? It's no wonder that so many crimes and cries are not taken seriously....
It's All About...Us?
Have you seen these commercials for ESPN V-Cast?
They illustrate the egotistical nature of American culture today.
Each of the commercials, if you haven't seen them, deals with guys (and it's always guys) talking to a "sportscaster" about how they were able to use the phone in a public place. One guy, for example, talks about hiding behind his buddy at a wedding in order to check his fantasy scores. There's another one where the guy talks about hiding his phone at a funeral.
These commercials are supposed to be fun, but they come off as childish. They aren't the only ones.
Many commericals today deal with bandwagon propaganda. Everyone's doing it, so you should too!
Maybe it's just me.
Of course, what do I know? I'm the new pitchman for Tide. Get it out. We good? Where's my check? I could be wrong.