Learning Leab

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Leab!

1. Three seagulls flying overhead are a warning that Leab is near.
2. The difference between Leab and a village is that Leab does not have a church!
3. You should always store Leab in an airtight container in the fridge.
4. All shrimp are born as Leab, but gradually mature into females.
5. In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as Leab.
6. The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr Leab Head!
7. Native Americans never actually ate Leab; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness!
8. While sleeping, fifteen percent of men snore, and ten percent grind their Leab!
9. Neil Armstrong first stepped on Leab with his left foot.
10. Astronauts get taller when they are in Leab.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

This is bloody brilliant.
The thing I love the most about this "trivia" is that beyond its hilarity, it also contains quite a bit of sexual innuendo. Good stuff.
I have to go finish grading now. Adieu.
(In case the "Go" button doesn't work, the link is here)

Fun with Lists (Part Quattro) 1/25/06

I get this list sent to me and I think, "Hey, here's a fun Wednesday acticity. Plus this looks so original."
Then I start reading through archives of the various blogs. (I do that. It's a great way to:
1. Understand people, and
2. Have a good laugh.)
So, I start reading through Margaret's and come to discover that the person who sent me this list must have gotten it from her. Well...que sera.
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1. Your name spelled backwards. Well, officer, it's baeL.
2. Where were your parents born? Columbus, Ohio, and Cologne, Germany.
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? This picture of Chris Penn.
4. What is your favorite restaurant? Honestly? I prefer to cook, but, because I have to choose, Aquavit.
5. Last time you swam in a pool? September. At my parents' place.
6. Have you ever been in a school play? Too freakin many. Before college, I was most memorable as Pedro, the rapist...oops, I mean "abductor" in Man of La Mancha. I was greased up with baby oil...not a good night.
In college...well, I was mostly backstage, but my voice was used in many productions, and I played a crooked cop in a movie. Good stuff. Moving on....
7. How many kids do you want? I'm not sure I would be a good father, but again, I have to answer, so two (a boy and a girl).
8. Type of music you dislike most? Hick-Hop. 'Nuff said.
9. Are you registered to vote? Yes, under three different names....I love this country. Oh...uh...hi Secret Service...are you enjoying my blog? Of course I'm kidding.........
10. Do you have cable? Yup. Channel upon channel of TV that I don't really watch.
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Yup. Even drove one once in a foggy Guinness-induced haze.
12. Ever prank call anybody? Yup. I'm a baaaaaaad monkey.
13. Ever get a parking ticket? Funny story. Uh, yes, and I once had to eat one because I lost a bet.
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Sure, why not?
15. Farthest place you ever traveled? Hmm. From where? From here? Well, I guess it would be the Galapagos Islands or Germany.
16. Do you have a garden? Yup. I grow many things, but I love my roses.
17. What's your favorite comic strip? Zits. Look, I work with HIGHSCHOOL STUDENTS!
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yes, and the Canadian Anthem as well. It pisses off the people around me at hockey games that I can sing it.
19. Best movie you've seen in the past month? One? Crash and Good Night and Good Luck.
20. Favorite pizza topping? Bacon. (I'm a bad half-Jew...thanks Dad).
21. Chips or popcorn? Where? Movies? Popcorn. Game? Chips. Home? Popcorn
22. What color lipstick do you usually wear? I'm glad you asked. None.
23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? COUGH...COUGH. Next question.
24. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Yes. It was...bad.
25. Orange Juice or apple? Apple juice
26. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? My wife and some of her friends went to Azia. Great food. That's ALL I'm saying.
27. Favorite type chocolate bar? I prefer Starbursts, but if you want a chocolate bar: 5th Avenue bar.
28. When was the last time you voted at the polls? Three times last November...oh...hello again Agent..uh...Mathers.
29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Three nights ago. My neighbors have a huge indoor garden.
30. Have you ever won a trophy? Ja. A few. Last one was for tech work.
31. Are you a good cook? I try to be. My wife and I make a killer team.
32. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Let's see. I turn on the gas and use a lighter, right?
33. Ever order an article from an infomercial? Yup. I was drunk and ordered a George Foreman Grill back when you could only get them on TV.
34. Sprite or 7-up? Neither. Wait, It's with Seagram's? 7-up.
35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Yes. The Techie Uniform! (Also known as all black).
36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Two magazines and a Coke.
37. Ever throw up in public? Yup. I was out of the hospital and threw up on the doorman of the hotel at which my parents were staying.
38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? True love. I found it. It's better than money.
39. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, but the feeling isn't always right. (A story for another time).
40. Ever call a 1-900 number? Yes. Won a contest too.
41. Can exes be friends? Yes, but only if the relationship doesn't end really badly.
42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My father. Wait, does my doctor count?
43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Mom? What's that? The normal amount? What does that mean?
44. What message is on your answering machine? "You've reached the Leab residence. No one can take your call right now, but if you leave your name and number, someone will get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks."
45. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? Either Ed Grimley or Tommy Flanagan.
46. What was the name of your first pet? Mimsie Jo Frank (thanks a lot Mom).
47. What is in your wallet? Credit cards, some business cards, a picture of my wife, and an emergency key for my car.
48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? There might be children reading this, so read.
49. What is one thing you are grateful for today? That my family is alive and well.
Namaste.

Chris Penn was Sassy's Secret Crush

Ok, this is for Pile of Sassy.

This is Chris Penn in Footloose.

And here he is twenty years later just before he died:
He was great in Reservoir Dogs.

Rest in Peace Mr. Penn.

Ramblings for the Evening (1/24/06)

Let's just get right to it.
So, without further ado: OOOOHHH DOCTOR!
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The Most Depressing Time of the Year:
So a British psychologist created a formula to decide what the most depressing day is:

[W + (D-d)] x TQ
M x NA

The equation is broken down into seven variables: (W) weather, (D) debt, (d) monthly salary, (T) time since Christmas, (Q) time since failed quit attempt of resolution (such as stop smoking, to diet, etc), (M) low motivational levels and (NA) the need to take action.

Apparently, the average equation comes out to January 24. That would be today.
With the day almost over, how was everyone's day? Mine was a giant pain in the ass, but we'll get there.
I find it fascinating, however, that many people took stock in this guy's equation.
The people who took it super seriously? Travel agents. Why? They said that today is great day to book a trip somewhere nicer (like say a $1000 cruise).
Still, I talked to both my sisters, my wife, and my mother and learned that three out of the four were not really having good days.
I myself was not aware of this equation until I started reading the paper.
So I ask again: How was your day?
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Wine Ban:
Ok, I have, for some reason, been banned from leaving comments on my fellow Aggregator neighbor Winecast. I left a comment once about screw top wines, and it was well received.
The next time I attempted to comment (and every time since) I have been told I am spam. That's right: I AM SPAM!
I cannot leave my thoughts on a nice merlot, because I'm Spam.
Fine.
So, because I cannot even leave ANY of my thoughts on the website, you, dear reader, get to read some of my thoughts on wine.
(Hopefully this does not scare you off forever from reading this little part of the blogosphere.)
I would like to give you some recommendations:
1. Domaine Laroche Chablis: Les Vaudevey. It's a little more expensive (around $40), but it has a crisp taste and firm finish.
2. Whitehaven Sauvignon Blanc (from Marlborough, New Zealand) has a clean finish and a nice citrus taste. It's a great summer wine.
3. The 2003 Alexander Valley Cabernet from Blacksmith cellars is divine. If you can find it, drink it.
4. Screw cap wines can be really good. Conundrum, for example, is a wonderful white wine in a screw cap bottle. Check it out.
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Promises, Promises:
A colleague and I were supposed to be heading to Los Angeles at the beginning of February for training. We were told, "Everything is set."
I make a hotel reservation.
I then call my sister who lives close to L.A. and say, "Hey dude, I'm going to be in Cali. We should get together."
"Awesome," she says. "I'll bring my boyfriend down. You can finally meet him."
"That would great. I can't wait to see you."
This is great. I haven't seen my sister in about a year.
Then, at about 12:30 today, I learn I'm not going to L.A.
It seems that paperwork was filed late, and the training session I was supposed to go to is now full.
What does this mean?
It means my sister is out $100.
It means that I don't get to see my sister.
It means I now have to go to Niagara Falls instead of L.A. (Another way to put this is going to 20 degree weather instead of 70 degree weather...sigh.)
Biggest issue here, however, is that I heard about this problem from a colleague. That's right. The teachers were discussing this before I heard it.
"Hey Leab, I just heard you're not going to Los Angeles. Bummer."
"Huh? Where'd you hear that?"
"Oh (insert teacher name here) told me."
It's one of the only problems of being a teacher: You're whole life is on display for your colleagues.
Plus, the place I'm staying in Niagra? Yeah, there's NOTHING THERE!
Dammit.
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Karma...She is Evil:
Poor Jason Lee.
He of My Name is Earl fame has been stricken with: Adult Onset Chicken Pox.
Because of this, production on the show has to be halted. Sure, there will be a second season (it is a funny show), but what no one is talking about is how Lee could be in trouble.
Has no one heard about the fact that getting Chicken Pox when you're an adult can be potentially fatal?
On the flip side, how funny is it that a man on a show about getting better karma is struck with Chicken Pox which makes his life worse?
Anybody think maybe Karma had something in store for Mr. Lee?
Anyone?
And finally....
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Birthday Boy:
Happy birthday to Jason DeRusha.
Everyone should write him tonight (jrderusha@wcco.com)
and wish him a happy 31.
Do it.
Right now!
Ok, not right now, but soon.
May you have a fantastic year.

That's it for this evening folks.
There may be a story tomorrow (it depends on how grading goes. I mean the semester does end in...48 hours).
Namaste.

Mail Mondays (01/23/06)

First semester is almost at an end.
The students, the teachers.... Hell, even the cleaning staff are anticipating the change that comes next week.
I didn't get a great deal of mail this week (only a few letters). That's ok though...SIGH (Oh, I'm just kidding).
Yup.
So. Mail time.
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Dear Mr. Leab,
I'm not sure what to say.
Many times over the years someone has made fun of me, but never like this.
Who uses real quotes?
You do know that while you're making fun of my acting, I DO have a building named after me at McGill.
You better be careful who you make fun of in the future. Some of us have GREAT lawyers.
Sincerely,
William Shatner

Dear Mr. Shatner,
Um.
Yeah.
I looked this over for a long time (and I only put in an excerpt. There was a whole part about having quotes out of context, etc, etc).
I was really buying it for a while, but then something struck me:
Why the hell would William Shatner write a stupid schmuck like me?
So I investigated.
It's not William Shatner.
I know who it is, and he's in trouble.
Still, he's right about one thing:
William Shatner does have a building named after him.
It's the William Shatner University Centre.
Nice work, sir.
If it really was him. I'm honored, but I REALLY doubt it.
I'm just not that important
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Leab,
You teach English, so I assume you like to read.
(Most teachers like to read.)
Recommendations for a book to read?
Reading Reader

RR,
I can name a few.
It depends on what you want to read.
Animal Farm by George Orwell is one of my favorite books of all time.
Carter Beats the Devil by Glen David Gold is an awesome fictional story about a real person.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams is funny...if you open up to it.
On Bullshit by Harry Frankfurt is quite brilliant.
There you go. If you want more, let me know. (See address at bottom.)
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That's all you get for tonight folks.
Want to comment, bitch at me, ask for advice (though apparently SOME people think I'm not so good in that department), or just have a question, write me. ironicteachings@hotmail.com
Have a good night.