I find it truly fascinating that now that I am going to be taking a break (again, Michael Jordan 1993-1995) I have well wishers and readers again. How utterly Ironic.
So...without further ado: GET IT ON!
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Heartbreak Hotel:
Over the course of this week, several of my students have been dealing with breaking up, leaving relationships, dumping, and being dumped. Maybe it's the pressure of Halloween, or maybe it's the change in weather, but love has been in and out of the air of the school.
Heartbreak Hotel:
Over the course of this week, several of my students have been dealing with breaking up, leaving relationships, dumping, and being dumped. Maybe it's the pressure of Halloween, or maybe it's the change in weather, but love has been in and out of the air of the school.
At one point I watched as one of my students wrestled with the emotion that comes from having to tell someone, "I don't like you in that way."
What was fascinating was that she was taking harder than he was. Indeed, I thought she was going to either cry or vomit...or possibly both. I wasn't sure which it would be.
Rare is it that you see the dumper taking it harder than the dumpee.
It's also strange to watch relationships in high school. When two 15-year-old kids proclaim their undying love for each other, you have to wonder if they truly understand what they are saying.
How many high school romances that are for "all time" end the second graduation is over?I had one couple who said, "I love you" to each other everyday for a week, and then the next week, they had broken up and had to be separated. Still, those couples are fun to make be Romeo and Juliet.
Sometimes, however, you get to see some really fun couples. And by really fun, I mean couples that make you go, "How is she with him," or, "How can they be a couple," or, "Eww...that's just wrong...isn't it?"
Those couples are more the norm when dealing with a high school. One of my colleagues, for example, had a junior boy and freshman girl couple in one of his classes. They would decide, at random times, to make out during the class. It was so bad at one point that the teacher was considering buying a water pistol and treating the kids as if they were bad kittens. Sometimes that works.
And yet love is a crazy, complicated thing. I have discovered some things over the course of time. I've been the dumper, and I've been the dumpee. The last time I was dumped (a story you may or may not recall), I took it hard. That was the second time I had been dumped, too. The first time really wasn't bad. In fact, I was kind of glad she did dump me.
As for dumping someone, it can be harsh, but I would argue it's easier to break a heart than to have a heart broken (but what do I know? Go ask Alexis).
In all honesty, here's what to think about when dumping somone or being dumped. I could also talk about what to do when someone you care about dies, but that's for another time.
1. Break ups are hard. Don't forget that. This is not supposed to be easy, roll-off-your-back stuff.
2. It takes time. If you've been in a relationship that's lasted over the course of some time, you don't get dumped or dump someone and feel great the next day. It takes time to deal. Don't be Superman or Wonder Woman. Just relax and take the time to heal.
3. Hang on to your friends and use them. They know you well. Hopefully you were smart and didn't alienate them when you started this relationship. And don't try to poach friends. If your Ex had them as friends first, don't try to make them stick with you. It's not fair to them, and it doesn't really make you look good. Still, hold on to your friends and go to them for what you need to hear.
4. Don't go to deep into reasons. Some people have the ability to read too deeply or to over analyze situations. Usually this leads to the "If Only's" which is when you start saying things like, "IF ONLY I had bought her that movie she wanted," or, "IF ONLY I'd done (Fill in the Blank) with him." This isn't helpful and ignores reality.
5. (If you dump) Be Honest. If it's them, be honest. Don't pull punches, but don't be overly critical or harsh. Just like everything else, keep it simple and honest.
6. Take the proper amount of time. You CAN feel bad, but after some time passes, it is time to get on with your life. Mourning too long is not healthy. This leads to the final tip:
7. Take care of yourself. Look, you can feel bad, and you can have some alcohol, or ice cream, or whatever terrible thing makes you feel better, but do it in moderation, and don't do anything that will cause you to be in serious trouble (law or health wise). You need to do something that will make you like yourself (and gluttony or alcoholism won't do that).
Think about this the next time this happens.
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Me and the News Guys:
They say that you attract a certain type of person, and this seems to be true when it comes to friends as well.
I was lucky to get Superstar Jason DeRusha as a regular reader of the blog before he became Superstar J.R. Great guy.
Recently, my son's daycare had a Halloween party. My wife and I attended, because we thought it would be fun.
So I'm sitting at the table while my son chows on some "Dirt Desert" (which I didn't want him eating, but he should try sugar...I guess), and the guy sitting next to me has his daughter (I assumed) with him. She is wearing a Supergirl outfit. I think that's cool, so I made a comment. "Her costume is awesome."
"Thanks," Father and daughter reply.
The guy and I start talking about comic books (among other things), and we discover that we have similar senses of humor (much to my wife's chagrin).
Later, as we're leaving, he and I start talking again and he asks me, "So, what comic books do you read?"
"Well," I reply, "I love Green Lantern."
He pauses, while holding his daughter's hand, and says, "I think I have a man crush right now."
My wife laughs.
"We should exchange numbers at some point," he comtinues.
"That'd be great," I reply.
"Great. Get my number from Lisa (the director)."
The next day my wife calls me as I'm on the way home from work.
"I talked to Lisa," she tells me. "Do you know who the guy you were talking to is?"
"No."
"He's Keith Marler," she says.
"Who?"
"He's the morning Meterologist for channel 9."
That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I get the news people. They just seem to like me.
First DeRusha and Shelby, now Marler and Passolt. Heck, I've even had dealings with Tim Sherno...but that's another story.
Of course what do I know? I'm a demographic. Maybe that's what they see. I could be wrong.
Namaste.
