Friday, December 23, 2005
Because, because, because....
Well, because I love my wife.
I'm out, ladies and gentlemen.
I will be in Missouri for an undisclosed amount of time. Undisclosed because my wife and I cannot agree on how long we should stay.
So, like my duck friend here, I will say goodbye.
Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and may all your days be healthy, wealthy, and fun.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
First of all there's this: Chewbacca singing Silent Night.
At first, you find yourself saying, "What the bloody hell?"
However, a few minutes into it, you might find yourself laughing. It's incredibly odd, but kinda catchy. I ended up wondering what it would sound like to "Living La Vida Loca".
Then there's this:
What can you say about this?
"Don't Hassel the Hoff?"
Does that mean I need a shirt that says, "Don't Le the Ab?"
Ok in all seriousness, it is kind of an odd shirt.
I think that'll do it for now. Enjoy the "Hoff" and Chewy. Don't forget the Backwards Jingle Bells either.
"Who won?" has been the most popular question.
Well, I'll do my best to answer.
Will everyone be happy? No. You can't please everyone, folks.
So, let's get to tonight's SLANDERAMA!
Disappointing End to "Fight of the Century":
Saturday night's "Throwdown in Downtown" had a dismal finish according to the fans.
"I feel ripped off," news anchor Julie Nelson told I.T. "I wanted blood. I didn't get it. This is worse than when I got Crabs...uh, can you leave that last part out?"
Celebrity bad boy Colin Farrell had another take on it.
"These fans were shown something that was worse than my last film...and that was bad."
What were they complaining about? Well, the fight had to be called in the third round when the celebrity known as Fan Man (pictured right) crashed into the ring disrupting what was, up to that point, a very exciting boxing match.
In the first round, Keillor came out like a rabid wolverine. "I was very proud of him," Eric Perkins said. "He had a game plan, and he stuck to it.
Keillor took the offensive right away. "It was incredible," commentator Max Kellerman said. "Keillor looks like the freakin' Mummy, but he came out swinging."
Sorgatz was not prepared for this. "You could see it in his eyes," Kellerman added. "Rex may be a fierce warrior, but he was not expecting Keillor to START on the offensive."
30 seconds into the first round, Keillor, who was laying on a barrage of body blows, hit a right cross on Sorgatz's face. The Titanium Typist wasn't expecting this, and he went down for the first (and only time) of the night.
"It was tasteless for Keillor to dance like that," Sorgatz's cornerwoman Margaret Andrews said.
"He knocks him down once, and Garrison dances like Michael Flatley? Tasteless."
Sorgatz would get up quickly and, after a quick check by referee Mills Lane, would take the fight back to Keillor. The two spent the rest of the round dancing around each other and landing the occasional jab. As the bell rung, the Battler swung around hard, but Sorgatz ducked. The blow clocked Lane knocking him down.
"That may have been my favorite part," local boy made good Josh Hartnett mused. That and when Diddy invited us (Hartnett brought his "friend" Scarlett Johansson) to his and Shelby's party. It was dope."
Lane would be fine, but a longer break would be needed between rounds 1 and 2 in order for Lane to have a cut on his eye stitched.
Round 2 saw a complete change in the fighter's demeanors. Keillor, obviously upset over hitting Lane, was timid. Sorgatz, on the other hand, came out like a raging bull.
Sources say the change in Sorgatz came from something Andrews told him during the break.
"I'm not repeating it," she said. "All I know is, it helped."
Sorgatz took the second round easily, even cutting Keillor above his nose. The fans roared with approval at the blood.
"That's what I came her for," shouted Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper. "Keep that shit rolling!"
As the bell rung to end round 2, The Typist knew he had won the round. He lifted his arms and shouted to the crowd, "This is what you want! Show me the love!"
Andrews quickly corralled him into the corner and shut him up.
As round 3 started, all three comentators agreed: The fight was even at a round a piece. However, that would be the end of it. Sorgatz started dancing like Muhammad Ali did Foreman in Zaire. He stayed away from Keillor. It was as Sorgatz reached the fourth post that Fan Man crashed into the ring, knocking over a camera man, and getting stuck in the ropes.
"I was furious," Don King explained after the fight. "That man ruined one of the best fights I had ever put together."
According to International Boxing Federation (IBF) rules, any outside interference will cause the fight to be called a draw.
That's exactly what happened. Both men were disappointed.
"This isn't over," Keillor told the press afterwords. "We'll do this again. I will show him that I am the Sid Vicious of boxing."
"What the hell does that mean?" Sorgatz responded upon hearing Keillor's statement. "Sid Vicious? Ok then. Will I fight him again? Yeah. I had just opened up a can of whoop ass on him, and both Margaret and I were convinced he'd be KO'd by round five."
King was pleased to hear that both men were willing to fight again.
"Oh it will be grand. I don't know if it will be here in Minnesota, but I would love to see these two go again. Maybe at the Quest. People seem to like to fight over there. Only in America!"
Fans, upset by the rule, booed when told the fight was a draw.
"I paid $4,000 for ringside seats and a hooker," Chris Conangla complained. "I better get free seats to the next fight...or a free hooker."
Organizers have already said Fan Man will be banned from the arena for the next fight.
When asked when the next fight would be, King said, "Well, how does an April fight sound? Shouldn't be any snow then, right?"
Obviously Mr. King doesn't know Minnesota very well.
Both boxer's parties had no comment about an April fight.
There was action outside the ring as well.
-After the fight, Colin Farrell gave his phone number to Andrews and told her, "Darling. I like what I see. You could probably make me go fifteen rounds. Call me."
When asked if she would, Andrews said, "I have no clue what the hell that man just said, but no comment."
-Mike Tice was a notable absence. He apparently scalped his tickets.
-Diddy and Don Shelby's (or as Diddy called him, "Dondy") party was a huge success. Prince, Gwen Stefani, Governor Pawlenty (who apparently got freaky with the first lady of Minnesota in front of everyone), and other celebrities partied HARD in one of the suites. Jason DeRusha, a favorite of Mr. Shelby's, was allowed in to the party.
"Don was dancing on a table wearing no pants and slinging Tequila around like it was water in the desert."
When asked if he did anything crazy or wild, DeRusha responded. "I'm a member of the MSM (Mainstream Media). I have no comment."
However, Winona Ryder told I.T., "If he (DeRusha) weren't married, I'd be all over him."
-The Keillor post fight party took place at Jitters and included poetry readings.
-The Sorgatz post fight party took place at Drink. Sources say the entire crew was there until 3 as the owners were afraid to ask them to leave.
-And, in a stunning revelation, local gossip columnist CJ was shut out of the Diddy/Dondy party and is now calling the two men sexist AND racist. "There were no black women in there!"
However, a check of the guest list found two things:
1. There were several women of color in the party
2. There was a note from Diddy next to CJ's name. It read Do not let that crazy bitch in. She's always up in my grill. She's worse than J. Lo.
-The undercard for the fight featured a debate between Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly about the War on Christmas (the crowd decided to boo O'Reilly out of the building). The other scheduled match between Ann Coulter and Bill Maher was canceled when the two decided to just go off and screw each other. No one cared.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
At Washington Univeristy in St. Louis, working for the Dance department was considered a punishment for the tech people. There were three faculty members and two to three guest choreographers. That meant five to six people were trying to work together (the key word is trying) to plan a show. More often then not, they would disagree, fight, stop talking to each other, then have a tearful reconciliation. Not as good as a soap opera, but pretty close.
The head of the tech department, Rick, used to say, "Leab, this is like a CEO being banished to the mail room. You'll go nuts." Then he'd laugh and start hitting on the Asian students....Bastard.
Anyway, knowing that I would be THE tech guy for the dance department, I started hanging out with the dancers to get a feel for the personalities. There were three kinds at the school: Jazz, Modern, and Ballet. Each kind has its pros and cons.
The Jazz dancers were always the kindest to the tech people, but they were always keyed WAY up. During one rehearsal, a girl lost count. The choreographer flipped out, which led to the girl flipping out. And who got blamed? The tech guy working on the lights for "distracting" the dancers.
The Modern dancers are very professional, but they are also the wildest bunch. I worked with the company Momix when they visited St. Louis. A beautiful modern dance company that does incredibly different pieces.
As a member of the running crew, I was flashed ALOT. During one performance, one of the dancers asked me to "hold her breasts" for a picture. When you don't know someone, it's an odd question to be asked.
"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Nicole. Will you hold my breasts for a picture?"
Then again another company uses a Slip 'n' Slide and each member slides across the stage naked. You gotta love dance.
However, the third kind of dancer is the hardest to work with if you aren't prepared. These would be the Ballet dancers.
If you are not prepared for ballerinas, you can be eaten alive. To be a prima ballerina, you have to have the ego to go with the talent. If you are good enough to be a professional ballet dancer, then you have a very good reason to be egotistical. Dancing on point is incredibly hard. Try it. The boxes can destroy your toes. Ask anyone who's ever done Ballet. They can tell you the pain.
In the Wash. U. program, the Ballet dancers are both incredibly graceful and frustrating. It was amazing to me at the time. I was unprepared for the hell that I would experience.
I was always the guy tapped for student productions. Well, one girl decided she was going to do a balanchine piece for her fiance to a Sarah Mclachlan song. Every moment of her piece was agony for me. For the other students, average tech was 30 minutes. I see the piece, I then program the light board, and we talk about how to change it to fit what they're thinking. Not the ballerina.
90 minutes. 90 MINUTES! Every step was programmed. The other dancers had four cues. Lights up, 2 changes, and out. She had (for a 4 minute piece) eleven. That's hard. Almost 3 per minute. Being a perfectionist, which most Ballet dancers are, she noticed everything. If I was a second early or late, she would stop, walk over, and talk to me like a two year old.
"Do you NOT know how to run lights? Should I call someone to help you, because I can't afford for you to screw up my piece."
Again, most Ballet dancers are this way and, again, with good reason. They have hardcore skills.
Her piece went well, by the way. When an instructor informer her that her form was slightly off, she blamed it on the lights. You gotta love it.
Working with dancers (and dating one for a short time) taught me many things:
1. I gathered all of my incredible patience from working with dancers.
At the end of my three years of working with them, nothing fazed me. I did discover that the male choreographers were less forgiving than the females. I designed the lights for one guy, and when he saw them, he made me tweak every light until it was his vision instead of mine. I get that the piece is his, but it ended up being a starker look than I thought it should be.
When you work with dancers, you learn how to control your feelings the way they can control their bodies.
2. Dancers are graceful in almost all things.
Really professional dancers are graceful in the way they walk, and the way they either pick you up or dump you. Like I said, I dated a dancer for a short period. She was essentially slumming it to make her ex jealous, and I hadn't been with anyone since my Ex dumped me. It was nice to feel wanted (moving on). This girl first noticed me when I carried her off the stage and into the green room. After a particularly difficult piece, she collapsed on stage because of her ankle. I came down from the booth, picked her up and carried her all the way back the green room (I can't tell you how far it was as I never really checked it in four years). She was grateful and kind of shocked a guy would and could do that (I'm an old-fashioned idiot. Really). Though are relationship was brief, she was very graceful in picking me up (quoting Shakespeare on why we should date) and ending the relationship (using Sartre, of all people). When she was in full dance mode, I almost felt unworthy. Beauty and the Beast, as it were.
3. Dancers are always dancers.
Even if they stop doing it, a girl or guy who has been a professional dancer is ALWAYS a dancer. They won't admit it and sometimes they won't even feel it, but if you've worked with dancers for an extended period of time, you can spot it so easily. While in the Master's program at St. Thomas, I had a class with this girl who I noticed moved so smoothly. At one point, she raised her hand up, and I noticed that the movement and the way she held her hand were not only graceful, but held in such a way that I knew she had been a ballerina. I asked her one night, "Were you a Ballet dancer per chance?"
"For eight years," She told me.
It's not just women either. Men who are or were dancers have a certain grace to their movement.
You can just see it. Dancers hold themselves in such a way that you can't miss it.
My wife and I went to a Minnesota Wild game last Monday. As I walked around the partition, I saw these ladies walking in a group. My "Dancer Alarm" went off immediately. (Instead of "Gayday", I get "Dancerdar". Sometimes helpful, alot of times...not.) These ladies were in sweat shirts and jeans, but I knew there was more to it. So, I stopped and asked, "Excuse me. This is going to sound weird, but are ladies dancers?"
Turned out they were members of the Rockettes and were there to do the "Let's Play Hockey" moment that night.
Like I said, once a dancer, always a dancer. The ego may leave, but the movement and gracefulness never does.
The reason I am so glad I worked with the dancers, however, is that after working with what could be the pinnacle of women, you are never afraid to talk to anyone ever again.
Imagine: you're a lowly tech guy and in front of you is an incredibly toned woman who is able to be beautiful no matter how she moves. It can be intimidating. You look at them and work to get your courage up. Finally, you approach these ladies.
"Excuse me, you are the most exquisite creature I have ever seen. The beauty of your movements reaches into my soul."
"Oh fuck off."
"Get out of my face."
It can break you.
At the end of three years, and after dating a dancer, you learn how to see through the facade, and you learn how to deal with anyone. Patience, humility, etc. You can learn it all by working with a dancer.
Hell, by Senior year I was so comfortable with the dance crowd that my running crew and I put on a show for them.
We did the entire show in five minutes...in our work clothes. Let me tell you something: the fact that I can dance on point in steel-toed boots made me feel very good. Don't believe me? I've got the pictures to prove it. I did Ballet, Modern, and even Jazz in steel-toed boots, black jeans, and a black T-shirt. It was funny, but as one gal told me, "You've been around us too long. You're starting to be able to move like us."
"Does that mean you would maybe have dinner with me?"
"You don't move that well, Leab...but you're really sweet."
At least it was graceful.
A buddy of mine sent it to me and if you're not ready (say, at 7 in the morning) it can get to you.
Don't wear headphones
Don't play it too loud.
Just follow the instructions.
(Uh, those with bad hearts need not apply. Those holding drinks, put them down.)
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
It's not working. This morning I felt like I'd eaten 400 cotton balls. Oy vey.
Let's do it.
So without further ado: YAAAAANNNKEE SWAP!
When It Rains, It Pours...Then Floods:
I open a letter addressed to me today and receive "great" news.
It seems that my mortgage company...well, let me just quote:
"Dear Mr. Leab,
We are writing to let you know that a computer tape containing information about you and your mortgage account with [my mortgage company] has been lost while being transported by DHL courier (I'm leaving them named as they did the losing) service to a credit reporting company.
The tape, which included names, account information, payment history, and Social Security numbers of our residential mortgage customers...."
Now, I got a few problems here.
1. The letter goes on to explain the mortgage company will pay for 90 days of a credit monitoring service. When I see this, I really feel like the letter is B.S., and my company is trying to make money somehow. You sign up for 90 days, and if you forget to check out, you have to pay a full year. And gosh darn if the monitoring service isn't owned by the mortgage company....I don't know if it is, but I need to research.
2. If the letter isn't bogus, then both my mortgage company AND DHL are on my naughty list. How do you lose something so important? You would think with all of the identity theft out there and especially at THIS time of year, they would pay special attention and take care of things.
3. At one point in the letter (which was written by the company's chairman), they explain the tape was lost en route to a credit reporting company with which they were sharing information. When I chose this mortgage company, I made sure to ask about sharing and was told, "We never share our information." Yet, this letter proves they do. So they lied, or didn't know. That's not confidence-inspiring.
Merry Christmas, Mr. Leab. You just bought someone else a boat. It hasn't happened yet, but it might.
This is not the first time a major shipping company has screwed up with me or my family.
Brown is NOT the Color of Confidence:
My parents publish a book called American Book Prices Current. If you're a library or antiquarian bookseller, you know this book or CD. It is (and I'm using a local bookseller's words here) "the holy bible of book pricing."
This book is essentially a major part of my life. Every year since I was five, I have somehow been involved in the getting this book out. This includes building boxes, packing books, contributing, selling it in one instance, and on and on. Every member of my family, even the dog (free tongue to lick stamps) at one point, worked on getting this book out.
However, there was one year where the book was late. Not because of writing issue or publishing issues. This would be the last year ABPC used United Parcel Services.
You see UPS would pack a truck full of our books (yeah, we sent out that many). One year, the driver didn't really pay attention to what he was doing. He didn't close the rear door of the truck properly. So he's driving through Connecticut, he hits a bump, and the back door of the truck pops open. Our books, go tumbling out all over the street.
Well, he didn't notice until his next stop, and he was unaware of how many books he had lost. Utterly afraid, he finished his route and THEN he called it in to HQ. Several hours had passed since the incident when he finally said something. Not good.
The books which had fallen out were found by some opportunistic men. One of them had heard of the book and knew that it was pricey (around $160 a book). So they took ALL of the books they found and held them for ransom. I'm SO not kidding.
They had a note and everything. We would pay, or the books would be destroyed!
Now, here's where we learn how stupid people can be. Now, this was in the early 90s (so pre-Caller ID), but these guys figured that the cops couldn't trace a phone number if there was a answering machine attached to it.
The cops trace the number and end up arresting these guys at a Mexican restaurant.
Back to the point. My parents decided to no longer use UPS for two reasons:
1. They lost books and didn't call it in for a long time.
2. They never really apologized for losing the books.
Plus, FedEx is cheaper, and they don't expect my retirement-aged parents to load the truck for them. Kind of makes things easier on the 'rents.
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?:
I'm really not feeling it this year.
I know it saddens my wife, and I'm trying really hard to fake it around her, but I just don't feel the spirit of the Holidays this year.
We didn't decorate our house, because we won't be here, but it's more than that for me. With this whole "War on Christmas" B.S., the Holiday time feels dirty.
If I say Christmas, I'm a traitor to the part of me that's Jewish. If I say Holiday, I hate Christians. Sigh.
Beyond that, there's SO much greed. The other day Mrs. Leab and I went to Southdale Mall to the Apple store. I bought here an Ipod for her birthday. She's afraid that the little player will break with one drop, so we went to get her a protective case. Probably a good investment. Anyway, that mall was insane.
I grew up in New York where everything is always crowded. You never touch, but the bodies are there. I'm not claustrophobic or agoraphobic, but I hate being in malls. People can't walk,they stop in random place, and tempers ALWAYS run high.
The Apple store was no different. Here was the group of six adults who circled up and stood in the doorway blocking all traffic. Over here was the woman who ripped something (I couldn't see what it was) away from another woman screaming, "I grabbed it first!"
Then I watched a guy buy 4 60GB video Ipods. That's $1600 before tax. I almost threw up. I can't fathom spending that kind of money in one shot. I spent $100 on my wife's gift for the holiday this year, and I felt guilty. That's so much money.
I know that in the new millenium that $100 doesn't seem like much. Hell if you're a homeowner, $100 is your gas bill every month in the Winter.
I just feel like most of America has lost sight of the fact that people need alot of help around this time of year.
My buddy, Mark, spent the money he would have spent on his family buying supplies like pens, paper, etc. for soldiers in Iraq. My sisters and I all gave money to charity for each other for Christmas.
What shocked me was that my mailman hugged me today as I was the ONLY person on my block to give him anything (I'm not ashamed. I gave him a twenty and two tickets to a Wild game for him and his kid). When the MSM has to give guidelines about what to give, that says alot.
I gave money to my newspaper carrier, the trash guys, and gave wine to my neighbors.
A guy asked me for money for the bus today, and I gave him a ride to his destination instead. Was I taking a risk? Sure, but it was worth it. He didn't have to wait out in the cold, and he got to where he wanted.
Yet, for all that, I don't feel it.
It's not the various wars (Iraq, Christmas, etc.), but the indifference. It seems like everyone has forgotten the whole goodwill toward each other.
It's coming, just wait.
Sorry, I'm ranting again.
I'm also, according to my wife's co-workers, insane, because I finished ALL of my Holiday shopping on December 3rd. The guy who sits across from my wife is going out tomorrow to buy all of his Christmas gifts. Nothing like last minute.
Then again what do I know? I donated money to Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network in my father-in-law's name. I could be wrong.
Theater Owners Want To Block Cell Phone Signals
The National Association of Theater Owners has asked the FCC for permission to block cell phone signals in theaters. NATO President John Fithian said that the use of phones during movie presentations is one of the reasons for this year's slump in ticket sales. A Washington D.C-based cell phone lobby has already gone on record as opposing such a move on the grounds that it would prevent the use of a cell phone in case of an emergency.
I am so for this. Of course people will argue about the positives of (or negatives of losing) cellphones in theaters. How will it go?
"But what if we're taken hostage in the theater? How would we get help?"
Then why can't the manager call the police from his or her office? Plus, if you're taken hostage, the cops are gonna find out. Most hostage takers have a list of demands to be met. Also, why would they choose a movie theater?
"Ok, but what about a medical emergency? Heart attack or something?"
Well, most movie theaters now carry portable defibrillators (you know, the paddles). Those have been shown to help tremendously while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. You would have to go to the manager to get that anyway.
"Well, like, my friends and I, are like, supposed to, like, meet up. How are we to, like, do that if we can't, like, call each other."
Once upon a time, people would make plans to meet ahead of time. Then, they would designate an area (say, the front of the movie theater) and a time (how about ten minutes before showtime?). It was a wacky concept.
Look, you find a place to meet, and then you do it. You need to talk to someone? Go outside or in the lobby. That's the point. These owners want the signals blocked in the ACTUAL theaters. I don't want to listen to you complain about how Mr. McCoullough made you, shock of shocks, write a paper.
I also don't want to hear you and your friends text each other during the movie. What the hell is that? You want to be in the movie theater? Watch the movie. If you two want to talk about the movie or Mr. Mc, then wait until after it's over.
Here's the bottom line as I see it:
Yes, if there's an emergency, you will have to go to the manager, but the benefits outweigh the detractions.
No more ringing in theaters, no more obnoxious idiots answering their phones or texting, no more people trying to record parts of films using their cellphones (helps cut down on piracy. Got that theater owners?), and no more having to listen to stupid conversations from people speaking so loud the other theaters can hear them.
Do I think that cellphones could be part of the problem for a ticket sales' slump? Sure. So is disappointing movies, obnoxious patrons, cost, and a little bit of laziness. (I mean why go when it will be on TV or DVD in a few months?)
So, I'm all for blocking cell phone signals in movie theaters. The signal needs to work in the lobby, but once in the dark confines, no one should be on the phone.
I also think the same thing should be done on Broadway. Sure, it's fun to watch Kevin Spacey answer a person's phone and chew out the caller, but it would be easier not to have to deal with the ringing.
Maybe it's just me, but I think this is one tiny little step to making life better.
Monday, December 19, 2005
"It's a Christmas miracle, Martha."
No it's not.
"Then, it's a Holiday miracle...."
No. It's not.
I'm just too damn stubborn to walk away in under a year. Come April, I'll reasses.
Speaking of which, congratulations to all the bloggers celebrating their blogoversaries right now. Keep up the good work. (You know, you could probably put "blog" before anything and it would work....)
Mail-wise, I got alot this week. Most of it was anonymous comments, and some of it was ripping on my choices.
You want some mail? Huh? Do ya?
Too bad, you're getting it anyway.
Tell us: where do you teach?
I teach in St. Paul.
That's all I'm saying.
Protect the school.
If someone wanted to be in touch, how might they?
Dear Anonymous Stalkerous,
Email is best until I know who exactly you are.
I recommend the ole email@example.com
Best way to reach me.
Why do you suck up to Rex so much?
How did you get on the Aggregator?
What's the deal with the whole Keillor/Sorgatz fight thing?
And who won?
I don't really suck up to Rex. If I was going to suck up, I would say things like, "Hey Rex, you're great. Greaty great great. How about putting Voix de Michele on the ole Aggregator. That would be great. Yup great."
See, I don't do that.
In fact, I still don't get my inclusion in the Aggregator.
Alexis: Pretty and smart with a helpful service
Sopheva: Same with pics
Political blogs: whatever you feel, it's there. I don't do politics.
I could go on and on
You want to know why I'm on MNSpeak? I think it's because I wrote for Slanderous.
(Note: I AM NOT THE SLANDERIZER. STOP ASKING ME!)
As for Keillor/Sorgatz. Ok, it started with Rex getting SERVED by Keillor. I just decided to try and make it funny. (And several emails tell me...not so much. Apparently you don't pick on Garrison Keillor in this state...if you're a transplant.) I was just trying to satirize an important Twin Cities event.
As for the winner? Well, it was (NOT TO BE REVEALED UNTIL THURSDAY BY COURT ORDER).
So there you go.
I'm still trying to figure out this "dinner thing."
Dear Mr. Teachings,
What's the deal with you picking on Don Shelby?
What did he ever do to you?
Picking on Eric Perkins is fine, but why Shelby?
Jason DeRusha (Just kidding. It was Paul Douglas... or was it?)
Because of every single anchor in the Twin Cities, Shelby looks as if he gets a joke better than anyone. Seriously.
Wait, why is picking on Eric Perkins ok? What did HE ever do to YOU?
Seriously though, I've written a couple jokes about Shelby, and he hasn't complained or sent a nastygram (unlike another anchor in this town. Seriously. No, I will not name names.)
Top member of the MSM in this town is still DeRusha. He's got panache. Yeah.
That's it for this week. There will be no mail next week due to me being at my in-laws. Write me anyway.