Slander a la Leab (01/12/06)

The triumphant return of Slander a la Leab. Why do I hear crickets...and an echo? Wow, that's weird.
Oh well, let's get to tonight's SLANDERAMA!
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Camp Fox 9
With the demise of Camp Snoopy coming in just a week, a new suitor has already swooped into the Mall of America and bought the camp. Preparations have begun on the new FOX 9 CAMP FOR KIDS.
That's right.
Not content with creating buzz via the blimp, Fox 9 wants to start grabbing younger viewers.
"We've been number one with adults in the Twin Cities," Jeff Passolt remarked, but it's time to start doing what Big Tobacco does: Grab them while they're young!"
To that end, the Fox Corp has bought out the park and is in the process of designing or renaming current rides.
The Twister is going to be renamed The Fair and Balanced Coaster. "The news can twist and turn with every fact or secret learned," Passolt commented. "This ride will show that."
The log run is going to be removed. In it's place will be a giant water slide on the back of a giant replica of Passolt's head. Riders will climb up the side and then ride down the back into a giant pool of creamy water.
"It's supposed to be like the hair gel he puts in his hair," co-anchor Robyne Robinson commented. "They'll see what I deal with everyday. Have you ever picked up the copy after he's touched his hair? It's NASTY!"
The merry go-round will be stripped and re-covered in Robinson designed jewelry. It's new name will be Rox Go-Round. In addition, riders will be able to purchase jewelry right off the ride. That's getting the kids AND parents involved. Something they can even share.
Other areas include:
The Chef Andrew Zimmern Chowhounds! stage. Kids can learn how to cook their favorite foods and bully restaurants into free meals. Every Friday night the Chowhounds! show will come from the stage with audience participation.
Janie Peterson Weather Center where kids can fire snow, rain, or even hail at each other. Oh, and they can also learn how weather works...and stuff.
The Fox 9 Minnesota Sports Area. Just like the real Minnesota teams, there's enough flash and pizzaz to make you think it's going to be good. Then the lack of spending disappoints and sends the kids home angry and cursing professional sports. Nothing like getting kids to understand the real Minnesota sports scene.
And, to tie them to the parent corporation, the Bill O'Reilly Virtual Desk.
The park expects to be ready to open sometime in March.