Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Ramblings for the Evening (08/22/06) (Maple Grove Edition)

I start class tomorrow. There are no words to explain how much I really do not want to attend this class. It is the signal for me to return to reality. Class the next three days...then workshops all next week...and then...then...school.
Ok, let's get to it. All of the stories tonight are tied into Maple Grove...sort of.
So, without further ado: YOU'LL HAVE A GRAND OLD TIME!
The Definitionof Irony: Maple Grove Edition:
Shortly before I left for Missouri, my son and I took a ride out to Maple Grove to Babies 'R Us. We had to pick up some supplies for the trip. After a quick jaunt through the store which saw my son grab the attention of a two year old girl ("Baby!" she screamed, "I want to see baby!"), we headed over to Leann Chin to have some mediocre Chinese food.
The restaurant was almost completely empty. I took a table near the door and started to eat. When my son cried a little, I pulled him out and fed him. He was being very good.
In the corner of the restaurant was a woman with her three kids. The woman was on her cell phone yakking away about something. I tried not to listen, but I did catch the part where she mentioned "Jerry," and talked about how she wished, "his balls would fall off."
Her three kids, however, were more the issue.
Kid 1: High school aged. Obviously fees that wearing a Metallica t-shirt and skater shoes makes him either a total rebel or a total skater. He would bitch loudly about the fact that my son squawked shortly before eating.
"GOD! Can't SOMEONE take care of that kid! I'm TRYING to eat here!"
Kid 2: Your typical 12 year old girl. Upset over the fact that her mother was ignoring her, she started walking around the restaurant playing with the tables, and, at one point, went outside and walked off. Mom never even batted an eye. Kid 2 cam over to my table while I was trying to feed my son and started talking to me. Beyond the annoying typical banter ("What are you doing? Why? Why?") Kid 2 frustrated me, because she kept touching stuff without permission. She picked up one of his toys, she grabbed the belts of his car seat, and (most annoying of all) she went INTO my diaper bag. What the hell is that? Can I now open and go into her purse? When she started pulling things out, I finally told her to, "stop and go away please." Then came....
Kid 3: Middle school boy with those damn roller shoes. You know the ones where the wheels can pop in and out of the bottom of the shoe? Yeah, he had on those and was popping around the restaurant. After I finished feeding my son, I burped him and put him to sleep in his car seat. This kid is screwing around, and, while rolling around near my table, he trips and slams into my table, nearly knocking my son off. Of course, like any baby, Poozer wakes up and freaks out. Kid 3, however, does not apologize. Instead, he looks and says, "Your kid is loud."
"You should apologize to him," I tell the kid (and it's probably not my place to do so).
And I get an interesting response: "Fuck you," the kid tells me. "You're not my dad!"
I'm stunned.
A few minutes later, bleached blond mom is leaving with her kids. The phone is off, and she stops at my table.
"You know...I just want you to know that your kid ruined my lunch."
My first thought was, "Hey, screw you," but I didn't say it. I just reveled in the irony. MY kid ruined HER lunch.
Regardless of whether or not she was aware of what her kids were doing, it was incredibly rude of her to tell me off when my kid barely cried. Hell, the gal behind the counter told me later she was sorry for my dining experience.
My kid...the irony is delicious.
Merry Maddenoliday:
Today is the release of
Madden 07. It's a video game, but it has had an impact on the world.
First of all, there's the
Madden Curse. If you're unfamiliar with it, the idea is whoever is on the cover will get hurt or have a bad year. This year, for example, Shaun Alexander is on the cover...and he may have already hurt himself during this preseason (the team is mum right now). If you have a player you love, pray he does not end up on the cover of this game (or Sports Illustrated).
Secondly, men (and a few women) take the day off to play. Seriously. When I was working at the Tobacco Document Depository, I watched two guys plan their day off to play.
I wouldn't be surprised if a bunch of guys were missing from my wife's department at work.
I bring this up, because my wife and I took our son to his two month doctor's appointment today. While there, my son's doctor explained that they were a little short today as three of their nurses (two guys and a girl) called in sick this morning. However, the doctor was, "so sure I saw Jim (one of the nurses) over at Best Buy," that morning.
Five shots (and one totally shocked baby) later, we returned home. Within ten minutes, there was a knock on my door.
"Hey," Mike, the guy who lives three doors down and across the street says, "My buddies and I skipped work to play Madden on my (X-Box) 360. Want to join us?"
My first thought was, "Seriously? You skipped work to play a video game?"
However, my mouth didn't say that. "Sorry, Mike. I can't. I have to run errands." (Sadly, this was true.)
"Duuuuude! You don't know what you're missing! The game rocks!" he yells. (And again, my mind wants me to say something I don't with, "Dude? Rocks? Aren't you 35 or something?")
I admit that I play video games, but I don't think I've ever stood in line overnight, pre-ordered, or skipped work to play a game. Back in November I was the teacher
DeRusha talked about having students plan and skip class to get an X-Box 360. That's insane to me. To skip just to be able to play something that you could just as easily play that night and then all weekend.
And finally:
The Up-To-Date Tally:
My wife and I returned from Missouri. While down there, my wife's health took another turn. Let's go to the board for the up-to-date tally for last nine weeks:
-Son was two weeks late.
-Had a fever during birth and needed antibiotics.
-Had a third degree tear and needed episiotomy.
-Had thrush (because of the antibiotics) which meant her right breast was burning, which lead to...
-Plugged milk duct in right breast. Doctors couldn't agree on how to get it out, which lead to...
-Abscess in right breast. Burning pain and unable to even pickup our son. This lead to...
-Surgery on her breast. Beyond having a hole the size of my pinky in her breast, she also had to take antibiotics for the inflammation which lead to the newest problem...
Let's put it on the board, boys!
- A rash. A lovely, red rash that has spread over a large percentage of her body. The doctors think this is not because she is allergic to the medication, but because they gave her too big a dosage. She now has both armpits, both elbows, chest, and part of her neck covered in a red rash that it itchy and makes it hard to sleep.
So there you have it folks. My wife still isn't healthy nine weeks after the birth of our son. I have no idea what it's going to take to get through the last of this. She's currently weaning as the doctors flat out told her, "Breastfeeding is not a good idea for you...regardless of what the government says."
I just want her healthy so I can focus on my son instead of taking care of both of them.
Tomorrow...I start class, so I hope my wife will be ok without me.
Then again what do I know? I'm uncool, because I won't drop everything to play Madden 07. I could be wrong.


cat said...

I am SO sorry to hear about Mrs. Leab's continueing health issues. :( It is tough enough with a new born and 2 healthy parents, let alone with her being sickly. That is terrible for her. I wish her nothing but good health from now on! :)

The people at LeAnn Chin's... good for you for being the bigger person and not going off on her! I do not know if I could have done that with all the BS her children did! Poozer was an angel from the sounds of things.... ARGH!

Well, hang in there!

Joshua said...

I am in complete awe over how the Leann Chin people acted! Maybe I didn't get out enough, or maybe I lived around nicer people, or maybe I just didn't pay enough attention - but I have never had an experience like that back home.

Is Maple Grove the new Manhattan?
Where do people get off? No manners! And somehow you're the minority.

When did people become so vocal in your presence? Back in my day (I'm only 22 yrs old) when someone bothered us in public we waited until they left before we started to mock them! Or at least wait until you get into the car before you blow off some steam about how annoying someone was.

Aren't people afraid of being assulted? I'd hold my tongue out of politeness and from fear of getting a beat-down.

I may never come home if this is what I have to look forward to.

Get a tazer, Leab. Then again, that's not a good road to go down either. People shouldn't walk around trying to intimidate others just to avoid being stepped on.


Jason said...

Next time you're in MG, call me up. I'll spare you from the evil of Leann Chin's. Sleeping babies are always welcome at the DeRusha diner.