Monday, September 29, 2008
I have to thank Margaret for this. When the world doesn't make sense anymore, when I cannot truly hold on to sanity and control my emotions, and when my caring nature begins to crumble, I think of my son. Little Leab, Lando, call him what you will.
His face reflects my nature. At first glance he seems troubled and upset, but if you look carefully, he just reflecting and contemplating the person looking on him as if taking her (or him) in.
And that got me thinking about who we are as human beings. We are nothing more than organized or balanced chaos.
We are not intrinsically good. We cannot be as human nature is not, for the most part, good.
We are not intrinsically evil. We cannot be as our decisions create our natures.
We are order and chaos delicately balanced. Fair is foul and foul is fair. That's what and who we are.
And yet so many of us want definitive answers to abstract questions. Why are we here? What is the point? What happens after we die?
We are not meant to know. It's like magic when you know how the magician does the illusion. The fun is lost. We are not meant to know the answers, but to create them ourselves.
Recently, my colleague in teaching Michele (my belle) asked an abstract question like this and it made me think about the best advice I ever got.
"When you do things right, people won't think you've done anything at all."
That's how you take care of others. You make them think they've taken care of themselves.
I'm rambling, but that's how I take care of myself. Someone else once asked me who I go to when I need help (because so many come to me). The answer is me. My burden, my albatross.
And it all comes back to those around me. That is my reason to control my emotions, to put the chaos in check. Find that reason. Find your center that creates the balance. We're here for only a short time...so we might as well enjoy the ride.
Of course what do I know? I'm just a man of constant sorrow (thanks, Odysseus). I could be wrong.