Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Dairy Air

I need to go back to my Flickr account.

There was something so sad in this cow's eyes. I could almost imagine the conversation we could have.

Ironic Teachings: Hello there!
Cow: Moo!

Damn. That was boring. Let's try using the patent (pending) IT cow translator.

IT: Hello there!
C (sounding like Snuffalufagus, but drunk): Hello.
IT: How are you?
C: It's hot and humid, buddy. And everyone who comes along just looks at me and attempts to low like me. It's kind of annoying. I mean how would you feel if every cow passed you and yelled 'Hey!' at you?"
IT: I'd be glad someone cared? Besides, you look li
C: Fuck you! You would not. You'd be all, 'Why is that cow yelling at me? What did I do to it?' And of course you people only think about eating me and turning me into shoes...
IT: I don't.
C: Suuuuuure. Whatever. But I wouldn't make a good steak, pal. I mean you can see my ribs. Is that the kind of animal you want to eat? One that has been sitting out in the hot sun so fools like you can come along and take pictures of me? Huh?!
IT: Well I can't pet you...and I can't feed you...and my daughter loves you. I think she wants to take you home more than a dog. She hates those chickens over there...but that's because the one rooster tried to eat her finger. It was adorable watching her contemplate the evil act the chicken did....
C: Hey, hey, HEY! This is about me here, dude. I'm just saying...where's my love?
IT: What do you want from me? I took your picture because I find you captivating. What else can I do?
C: Besides letting the world know about the plight of cows and our desire to be seen as more than just food and belts? Can I have that Coke you're drinking?
IT: ...No. You're a cow. Cow's don't drink Coke.
C: How the fuck do you know?
IT: You swear a lot for a cow.
C: I'm angry. It's like 95 degrees and really humid, and I'm mostly black. So of course I absorb so much more heat than you do. I'm allowed to swear.
IT: True, but you have less fur and black on you than a black bear...that's something.
C: I hate you right now. If I could get you in this fence, I would kick your ass from here to Des Moines.
IT: You know we're in Kansas, right?
C: What?! When did they move me...oh my G..yes I know I'm in Kansas. I'm a cow, not a sheep, idiot.
IT: Ok, my kids are running away to go look at the steam tractor. Have to go. Good luck with the heat, and I hope you aren't bought by McDonalds.
C: You're a jerk, but I like you. Thanks for letting me swear at you. I'm going to just lay here with these flies for a while. Don't

1 comment:

Boozhoo said...
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