Ramblings for the Evening (1/17/06)

Oy vey everybody.
Long weekends are REALLY hard to bounce back from in schools. Students sometimes haven't seen each other or talked to each other so they talk and talk and talk. My first hour was insane trying to keep them quiet and work on multi-paragraph essays.
Still, fourth hour today...very odd. I'll get to that. There's so much fun stuff going on in the world.
So, without further ado: A COW...ONSTAGE?!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Axing Reporters:
Now, I'm not one for going after reporters (I mean, one of my most loyal readers is a local reporter), but after seeing this story, I don't think I would blame the guy for grabbing a chair and administering a beatdown. Check it out and let me know what you think.
Now, this leads to my next question: What the worst thing you've ever seen a reporter do? Let me clarify: on air. I don't want to hear about Geraldo and hookers. Old news. What do I mean? Well, here's an example:
I went to college in St. Louis. Now, Fox 2 in St. Louis had a reporter out in University City (actually down the street from where I lived at the time) doing a story about the aftermath of an ice storm. The reporter is walking down the sidewalk to show how bad the ice is. This is live. Think DeRusha in November at that Best Buy. I wish I could remember the name of the reporter, but it was a guy. He's walking LIVE on the nightly news and loses his footing. His hand shoots out to try and catch something. Instead, he punches threw a car window, thereby breaking his hand and setting off a car alarm. What made it better was the fact that the lights around him shot on as concerned college students thought it was THEIR cars being broken into by some maniac. The camera guy cuts the feed, and the audience is left seeing the two anchors who look shellshocked. The male anchor says, "Oh jeez, I sure hope he's ok." The female anchor, however, is desperately trying not to burst out laughing. They moved to the next story with the male anchor doing all the work. The female anchor suddenly disappeared. Gotta love Missouri.
Another one I remember which is similar to the Leaning Tower story (again click on the link and thanks to Rick for that), was a guy in New York setting up dominoes for charity. A reporter stepped in the wrong place and started them going. Now, they were lucky the guy who set up the dominoes had in fact put in protective dividers. Still, when it was done, the reporter looked at Domino Man (his given title for this job) and DM said, "You need to leave right now." Classic.
Anyone seen something similar?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We the Jury Find the Defendant...NOOOOOOO:
Ok, so I couldn't think of a better title for this. In essence, a TWO year old was brought in for jury duty. Now a few things bother me about this:
1. The reason she was summoned was because the census information about her was incorrect. It had July 4, 1776 as her birthday. That would make her 230 YEARS OLD! Would you really want that person on your jury? If I had a 230 year old coming in, that person would be a teacher. Ok, ignore the census for a second then and let's move on to....
2. She gets a 16 year reprieve (insert fake laughter here). I get hatemail about my humor and this judge gets a laugh on the news? Fine. Moving on....
3. Would this girl really be any worse than typical juror? Seriously:
A. Free daycare for mom and dad. SCORE!
B. Other jurors usually act like two-year olds. She has an excuse.
C. It might expedite the process. "Your Honor. We have a verdict."
"You only met for a few minutes. How?"
"Well Your Honor, we couldn't take all the 'NOOOOOO' from Juror 8. We decided to give into her...oh and she needs a change and a nap."
Maybe it's just me, but wouldn't that be a great way to punish kids? No detention, you get jury duty. Enjoy! Or is that too mean?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shatner's Stoned:
Ok, William Shatner sold his kidney stone to Goldenpalace.com (I'm not linking to them. Just type it in, Lazy) for $25,000. Let me think about that for a second.......I'm sorry, my brain just died a little. This is a kidney stone, ladies and gentlemen. For all intents and purposes, it's substances that break off from urine and crystalize in the kidney. Yes, they hurt. Kidney stones and gall stones are apparently the closest in terms of pain a man can get to actually understanding the pain of birth (so swears my doctor). There are two different aspects of trouble here. So let's hit them one at a time:
1. William Shatner: Oh, Captain Kirk. You won an Emmy recently. You did put out two albums ("Mr....Tambourine....Man.......Playasongforme! KHAN!"), and you are an accomplished writer.
Still, selling your kidney stone? I applaud that MOST of the money is going to charity, but still, sir, you're supposed to be better than this. What's next? Will Captain Kirk sell his sperm like Vincent Gallo? (Don't even get me started on Gallo...Bastard. Brown Bunny was basically a giant excuse for him to get a blowjob from Chloe Sevigny, and his demands to "buy" his sperm are ridiculous. Don't believe me? Check it out. Bottom of the page.) You wanted $100,000 for the damn thing. You probably would have gotten it from some rich Star Trek fan, but you decided to sell to the Golden Palace instead. Nice work. Now...
2. Golden Palace: You're a real piece of work. Let's review:
You bought a cane that was supposedly haunted by its former owner.
You bought a cheese sandwich which supposedly had the Virgin Mary in it. (And I'm sorry, but I see Rita Hayworth. Is that wrong?)
You paid a woman to have your logo TATOOED to her forhead.
You have paid SEVERAL women and men to streak sporting events in your name.
You bought a species of monkey...ok then.
And, my personal favorite:
You bought a woman's baby's name. Yes, you did pay her $15,000, but now this kid is forever named Goldenpalace.com. I sense therapy in the future. (Oh, and I haven't forgotten about you, Melissa. You tell people to call her Goldie. I can't wait to see the marriage invite....)
Have we become so desperate for money that we will let companies like Golden Palace buy our bodies, minds, and souls?
And finally....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cloud Nine (Or where the boys are women, and the women are men...yeah:
Two years in a row I have taught the play Cloud Nine to the Theatre IB class. Both classes LOVED the play. Honestly, part of me is shocked, and part of me isn't.
For those of you who don't know the play, here's a quick summary:
The play starts in 1879 in Imperial Africa. We have men playing men, men playing women, and women playing boys. Oh, and a white man playing a black servant (I love Theatre of the Absurd...look it up). Now, as the characters go through the ideas of colonialism and gender roles (and their inequality), many sexcapades ensue. Married people cheat, boys play with dolls and love their "uncles". As one students explained it today (or maybe it was me, I don't remember) this has everything but "Man on Goat" action. (Cue walk a chicken.)
Now, in the second act, everything changes. The play jumps forward a hundred years to 1979, but, the characters only age...25 years.
While things have gotten "looser" than the Victorian era, Caryl Churchill (the playwright) suggests that things haven't changed as much as people think. While women and homosexuals have gained more favor, men still rule the world.
Now, I like some of Churchill's work, because she influenced by Bertolt Brecht (look it up. I can't do it all for you). This means her work is off-kilter. The whole "Butter scene" in Vinegar Tom is poignant, hysterical, disgusting all at once.
So why do the students like this play? It's outrageous. It's full of sex and swearing. It also does something that Shakespeare (at this point) has stopped doing: the play challenges them. Instead of nice neat package, the students are given a Rubic's Cube of a play. Several students commented to me about how they want to do Cloud Nine for their Spring play. While I'm all for it (I love challenging material), I somehow cannot see the district or even the school giving us the go. It's too bad.
Check out the play. Seriously. Go and get some culture. It's a real thinker.
That's all I got for tonight.
Namaste.
Ok, ok. Here's a kitten, you gluttons.

Ok, I just wanted to see if I could make you laugh.
Here's a real kitten: