Tomorrow I am supposed to go with my wife and my child to her work and to lunch with her co-workers and friends. I was not asked if I would like to go, but merely told.
Not by my wife, mind you. No, that would be too easy to get out of in that case.
No, the message was from my wife's new boss and her co-workers.
You see I have been home all day with the Poozer, while my wife has been at the doctors (note to ladies everywhere: breastfeeding is not the most simple, nice action ever. Those commercials lie).
It was a rough morning for the both of us (compounded by the fact that I may have a cold, and I haven't really stopped working for longer than...well...how ever long it takes to blog).
I decided that Little Leab and I needed to go for a walk, so I packed up our stuff, took the stroller, and we went for a walk around our neighborhood (this was also done because we lost power today for a few hours).
Though it was warm, the walk was nice. I got some much needed exercise in, and Poozer slept.
I returned home to find my wife just returning as well. After discussing the issues at the doctor, we went inside so Poozer could eat.
I listened to the messages, but discovered my wife had first (they were saved, not new). The first was from my wife's new boss:
"Hey, looking forward to lunch tomorrow. I need you to come in before then though, so we can discuss your upcoming trips. Hope the husband is ready for some good alone time with the boy (insert annoying laugh here). Annnnyway, your husband should come tomorrow. He'll have to pay for his own lunch buy at least he can get some practice dealing with the kid in public. I mean, you can't feed him at lunch, right? (Another fake laugh.) Ok, call me."
I tell my wife the message. She just nods her head (this does not bode well).
The next message is a co-worker who I know quite well. I like this gal, but her message makes me snap the pencil in my hand.
"Hey, it's J. Looking forward to tomorrow. We can't wait to meet the little guy. P (my wife's boss) says your hubby's coming. That's great. He can handle the baby while we party. Hey, maybe if he feeds him, then you can have a drink. After all...Pump and Dump, right? Of course, if Hubby looks like he did the last time I saw him, you might want to tell him to go get a haircut...and to shave. After all, the boss IS going to be there.
And remember girl, if Hubby complains, just explain that you are the Mountain Climber and he's the Sherpa. No one listens or remembers the Sherpa. He's only there to carry your stuff and make you look good . We only care about the Mountain Climber. See you tomorrow. Byyyyyeeeee!"
So, now I am expected to be at this lunch tomorrow, and I am expected to be the following:
1. Quiet. I am not allowed to talk, because I don't work at the company.
2. Well-dressed. Again, not part of the company, but I have to look it.
3. Well-mannered. This goes back to #1 as well. In the past, I have called my wife's co-workers and bosses on B.S. I am NOT allowed to do that with this new guy. Plus...he's hard-core Catholic...SIGH!
4. (My favorite) Babysitter. The baby is solely my responsibility. No one else's. If my wife and her co-workers decide to go on from lunch (to a bar or whatever), I am expected to come along, keep my wife aloft, and keep my child quiet and happy.
My wife's reasoning behind all this? Well, this guy can really launch her career. That's really important to her. "I NEED you on this," she tells me.
How can I say no? She had a difficult labor and has had to take care of Poozer so far as I couldn't feed him before now.
I'm just the Sherpa. I schlep things where they need to go. That's my job now. That and reality comes back a month from now.
As for Poozer? He's fantastic. Had a rough morning being stuck with his dad, but he's a trooper.
Then again...I'm just the Sherpa.