The biggest problem facing humanity is not the end of the world or the death of the environment, but miscommunication. All relationships, most problems at the workplace, and education issues come down to miscommunication. Ever listen to the news after the Police raid the wrong house? Every Chief of Police always says, "there was a miscommunication." You hear it all the time:
"What happened on the lost account, Jenkins?"
"Well, sir, there was a miscommunication."
In Theatre:
"Jim, you missed that light cue. What happened?"
"There was a miscommunication."
Even in hospitals:
"Dr. Johnson, you cut off the wrong leg. How did this happen?"
"Well, maam, there was a miscommunication."
And on and on it can go. I bring this up, because over the last few weeks I have witnessed and been a part of several miscommunications. Let's start with an easy example. I was called by a school district here in Minnesota and told that they really wanted me to, "come in for an interview. You'd be perfect." Sounds great to me. So, I asked when. "We'll call you back." A little over a week passed. I thought they meant maybe a day or two, so I called them. "Did I miss the interview?" I asked. It turns out that when they meant they would call me, they meant sometime this month. Today it's June 2nd. That leaves 28 days that the could call me. I assumed (my fault) that "We'll call you back," would mean a few days, not weeks. Here I was beating myself up thinking I had blown this chance and wasn't wanted, when instead they were (and are) waiting to do the interview.
Sometimes relationships can be hurt or destroyed because of miscommunications. I don't mean lying. That's something completely different. I mean two people talking and yet, neither one really knows what the other is talking about or means. It happens more often then most people think. For example: I have a lot of respect for one of my students. She's very smart and energetic, and yet she has not learned how to balance her life (sometimes, we have to say no). Every once in a great while, she opens up to me about life, the universe, and everything else (thanks Douglas Adams). This last time, I didn't react just right (partially due to the fact that we kept being interrupted). I made a comment which was misconstrued, and thus was born anger. One side lashed out, the other lashed out, and before you know it, war (sound familiar at all?). As I mentioned before, I like this student. She reminds me of a younger version of myself (but more girlish and better liked). So when the trouble began, I must admit, it made me very unhappy. There are certain people you truly believe that understand you, and that you understand. Unfortunately, every once in a while, even the most trusted people can have a kerfuffle (a screw up as it were). When we miscommunicate, we can come off as heartless, or mean, or just not understanding. It's the biggest problem we face as humans.
There was a story I heard when I was in college. Long ago in India, two brothers, best of friends, told each other they would never come to blows, because of their love for each other. For years they had never had a problem, until the king died. Both brothers began vying for the Hindu throne, but the did not want to hurt each other. Each agreed to let the other have the throne, but this led nowhere. Finally, the older brother said, "If you truly love me, dear brother, you would let me have the throne." The younger brother responded, "Ah, but if you love me, dear brother, you would not ask me to do that. Thus, the throne is yours." Hoping his older brother would understand, the younger brother stood aside, but the older brother only saw the throne and went to take it. The younger brother declared war. The older brother did not understand why his brother was upset. Had he not told him to take the throne? He felt that this act was just jealousy, so he responded in kind. The two brothers fought until the older brother killed his younger brother. The older brother felt triumphant and declared his victory to his new kingdom. His mother, however, was devestated with grief. She told him about his brother's final words before their battle began. The older brother said, "yes, he told me to take the throne." His mother, however, countered with, "you did not listen. He said if you loved him, you would not ask him to do that." The older brother had misunderstood. There was a miscommunication between the two parties, and it led to a brother's death.
Are most of our lives this serious? Not really, but the point is still there. Make sure you really listen to what a person is telling you. Otherwise, it may lead to the end of your friendship, relationship, or worse.
No comments:
Post a Comment