The Secret to Dating

I bet the title caught your eye. Looking over several different sites over the last few days, I have noticed more and more people talking about the rules, or the secrets to, or just "What you need to know in order to date." I find it fascinating. I know people who are single, and I know people who are married. Everyone has advice on the subject of dating. Honestly, it's almost as if 75% (arbitrary number of course) of bloggers talk about dating. Heck, I've even talked about it in a previous post or two.
Before we get to the dating world, however, I want to share one quick funny note. Over the course of the last few months that I have been blogging, my lovely wife has never really looked in on what I am writing. Today, after writing about my warning from a police officer, my wife decides to read my blog and immediately calls me to make fun of me. Gee honey, thanks, and I love you too (I bet she never reads this).
Ok, beyond the fact that the blogging world is dating crazed, a few events have made me think about how dating has changed. It starts last night. As I arrived at St. Thomas for my Master's class, I got to the door just before a young woman. Now, I am a cynical person. If you ask me, chivalry didn't die, it just moved to Hoboken and settled in to married life. However, I held the door open for her and said, "after you." Most people I know would thank you and move in. Not this young woman. She stopped in her tracks, turned to me, and blasted me for being a "typical male." You see, according to her logic, I was attempting to take away power from her by holding the door open. I was honestly dumbstruck. The gentleman who came to the door while she was yelling at me was also surprised, but he bolted through the door while I held it open. (And yes, he did say, "Thank you.")
After class was over, I talked to Coach again (you may remember her as the lovely gal who asked me to walk her to her car). This time, though not awkward, I believed that, according to the rules of flirting (there's that word: rules), she was, in fact, not flirting with me. Fine, I had no problem with that. (Beyond my cynicism, I also believe that I am not really a good looking guy. Yay, personality!) My next problem occurred outside.
As I walked up the street to the ramp I parked in, I saw that I was going to pass what could be considered an attractive young woman wearing a very low cut dress. Being as I was in a pretty good mood (class ended early) I was whistling as I walked. However, though I noticed this woman would be attractive to most men, I never looked at her as we approached each other. Maybe I'm weird, but ever since I married, I don't really look at other women that way. Anyway, after I passed her without really looking at her, she stopped and called out at me, "Hey you in the red shirt!" (Do I really need to explain that I was wearing a red shirt? I guess I just did.) I, of course, turned, and, like an idiot, asked, "Me?" I knew she meant me, but I was honestly kind of annoyed by being stopped.
"Yes, you. Why didn't you look?"
"Excuse me?" I replied. "What am I supposed to look at?"
"Me! Why didn't you look at me?"
Ok, boys and girls, if we look at the rules (that damn word again), then I have to be very careful how I answer, right? If I say, "There are a lot of other things I could look at," then she may press me as to what, and I come off as, well, an ass. If I tell her, "I did, but I didn't want to be rude," then I come off as an odd duck. And, of course, I could always just say, "I'm married and have no need to look at other women anymore." You can't really argue with that one. My answer, however, wasn't really any of these three:
"I don't know. I guess I didn't think about it."
At this point, she starts to get louder and people stop to look at us.
"What do you mean you don't know?! I'm hot, dammit!"
Not wanting to continue this scene anymore, because, honestly, I wanted to go home after my long day, I pulled off my sunglasses and made a point to look her up and down. I didn't really see anything (as my mind was working overtime trying to contain the situation), but I made a point when I was done to say:
"Hey, nice work. You're great. Can I go now?"
With that, she turned and walked off in a huff.
So how would you deal with it? I ended up feeling annoyed. I held a door open earlier to be nice and was told I was an ass. Later I tried not to be like every other man in the world and look at this young lady, and, again, I get yelled at. Am I in the Twilight Zone?
So why, then, if I seem to not understand the opposite sex, am I talking about the Secret to Dating? Easy: I'm married. I don't date anymore, but I know alot of men and women who do. Whether married, dating, or single, everyone always talks about how the grass is always greener in the next pasture. You single? You don't want to be alone, so you wish you were dating. You dating? You wish that you had more of a commitment like married couples (yes, I am generalizing. Not EVERYONE feels this way). Married (note: this does NOT apply to me)? You then wish you either had more time alone (a la single) or could be with other people (via dating).
So Leab, you're probably cursing now, what the hell is the secret? You really want to know? Fine, the secret to dating is....There is no secret. There's no guarantee that works everytime. There are no real rules (I really hate that word). Why do I pick on "the rules of dating"? I do it, because rules are meant to be limitations. They limit what can be done. By attaching rules to dating or love or whatever, you limit the possibilities. For example, if you believe the rule that, as one man told me, "unless a woman makes eye contact and a motion toward you, you can't talk to her," then you'll never talk to a woman unless she literally bumps into you. How is that helping you?
So what's my advice to single people out there? Do your own thing. Remember, life is not like the movies. The music doesn't swell, the guy doesn't always chase down the airplane to tell the girl he needs her, etc. Just take all the rules, all the advice, all the crap about Mars and Venus and whatever, and just pitch it. There are no perfect guarantees when it comes to dating or marriages. That's why half of marriages now end in divorce. There's no blueprint, folks.
So, if you're single, don't fret. Your chances to date or meet someone don't end because you turn 40 or whatever. A colleague of mine is 51, and he just got married (for the first time). Get out there and have fun. Just remember, there is one rule ( freaking limitation, as it were): If the girl or guy is wearing a ring on the left hand that says, "our love eternal," that person is probably married...or has a lot of cats.