Ramblings for the Evening (9/29/05)

Wow, I'm tired...and I'm feeling a little bit snarky. It's just one of those days, so forgive the tone of tonight's Ramblings. So, without further ado: GET TO THE CHOPPER!
Leo Sternbach Died:
"Who," you ask? I've never heard of this man. Fair enough. You may not have heard of the man, but you know his invention: Valium. Leo Sternbach was the inventor of Valium. He died in his home at the age of 97. Here's my question: The man was sick. He was in pain. Do you think they fed him a bottle of his own invention to "ease his pain"? Or do you think this is another Atkins situation? What am I talking about? Well, Dr. Atkins may have died from a heart attack, not "the fall" down those steps. What if Sternbach was the same way? Perhaps he just decided that all of his shuffleboard buddies were dead, so he took a bunch of the pills to end it all. Maybe I'm just a little cynical.
No Sex For YOU!:
This is both hysterical and slightly worrisome. The law can now decide whether or not sex is ok? Beyond just banning sex for this young woman, there are other problems. First of all: How the hell are they going to monitor this? I've heard of ankle bracelets...do they place something like that on the genitalia and it sounds an alarm? Instead of a Prince Albert (look it up if you don't know), you get a Big Brother.
However, the bigger problem is the desire for "naughty sex". The more you can't have something, the more you want it and find ways to get it. You want to go to a bar? You get the ID. You want to smoke up? You find ways to hide it. You want to have sex in your parents house even though the law says no? You'll find a way. Everyone does.
What's next? No gum chewing! You can't pet the dog more than 3 times! If you break parole, you can't watch the sunrise!
Look, I applaud this judge for thinking outside the box (it really is great), but there's creative, and there's plain crazy.
Kate Moss in Rehab:
Word on the street is that she's so thin from snorting the coke that she can actually glide under doors without opening. Fellow rehabers are now placing towels in the cracks to keep her out.
The BEST Show on TV YOU Aren't Watching:
I'm sorry, but it's true. Arrested Development is one of the most clever shows ever written, but people are now afraid of smart humor. You want proof? More people watch According to Jim. It's a cookie-cutter sitcom, but more people watch it. AD has smart humor, it repeats certain jokes, but not to death (for example, whenever the character Gob is scheming, the song "The Final Countdown" plays in some way). The show stays in reality from week to week. One character had his hand bit off by a runaway seal, and he still has a hook to this day. Heck, there's a new character coming on called Bob Loblaw (say it quickly).
Give it a shot, folks. It's really quite brilliant.
and finally....
Colleges:
Oh students. You're all so worried about colleges. Look, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: You DO NOT NEED TO PANIC! Think about Douglas Adams, kids. The first rule is "Don't Panic!" So you're not ranked #1 in your class. Big deal. That doesn't mean that the University of Minnesota is going to pass you over. You know how you don't get into college? You don't apply. That's really it. If there's a college you really want, but you don't get in on your first try, then go somewhere else, work your ass off, and then transfer. My sister really wanted to go to Columbia. She didn't get in. She got into Barnard. Her first year, she went hardcore and got a 4.0. Then she transfered to Columbia. Long story short (too late), she got her degree at Columbia.
I know that it looks bleak sometimes, but remember, everyone is scared. Hell, I was scared when I was a Senior. I thought, "Oh man. No one's going to accept me...I'll never make it...I'm dumb...blah, blah, blah."
Everytime you think you won't make it, do this:
1. Stop
2. Take a deep breath and hold it
3. Count to 3
4. Let it out
5. Now, realize that your life isn't decided by the college you go to. You have so much more time ahead, so relax.
Of course what do I know? I was the guy who offered to buy drinks for my interviewers. I could be wrong.