Friday, December 16, 2005

Trouble Be Thy Name

Trouble
Oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face
And it’s too much too much for me

I'm in trouble. The funny part is it's from so many different sources that the trouble has started. It's amazing how a small leak can become a flood. I'm starting to feel a little bit of pressure. People like Michele, Meridita, DeRusha, and Worm tell me I'm funny and now the writing doesn't flow as well because I worry the next thing I write will drive the readers away.I'm not worthy of you, but I sure as hell appreciate all of you.

Trouble
Oh trouble can’t you see
You’re eating my heart away
And there’s nothing much left of me

I wrote about my sisters in a post not too long ago. Now, their both upset with me. It could be my terminology, it could just very well be the fact that I wrote about them. So, one sister is in Costa Rica for the holidays and not sure she wants to talk to me, and the other sister is at her home on the East Coast feeling as though I believe she's unable to be social.What both my sisters need to realize is that I was painting them to be human. No one can be perfect. Beyond that, if they had look deeper, they would have seen that I was explaining how much better than me they are.My parents have also started discovering what I've written about them. I've tried to keep everything positive. Yet now I have a family that is unhappy with me. The hardest part about being in a family is trying to get everyone to talk to each other. They may be angry with me, but my sisters are now talking to each other.

I’ve drunk your wine
You have made your world mine
So won’t you be fair
So won’t you be fair
I don’t want no more of you
So won’t you be kind to me
Just let me go whereI’ll have to go there

I was given my schedule of classes for the next semester. Three periods of Freshman English (Regular, not Pre-IB). Why is this trouble, you ask? Well, I managed to sneak a peek at the roster for each class, and I will be working mostly with the kids who I failed this past summer. Now, if they failed the BST class, how much am I going to have to change my English course? I have a feeling I have ALOT of lesson plan writing to do. A few of the students ran into me and told me they would, "make my life miserable," because of last summer. Oh joy. I better stock up on referral slips....

Trouble

Oh trouble move away
I have seen your face
And it’s too much for me today
Trouble
Oh trouble can’t you see
You have made me a wreck
Now won’t you leave me in my misery

I went to my wife's Holiday party last night. She warned me that I needed to, "keep your mouth shut." Unfortunately, I would be unable to comply.
Her company took over a section on the club level (Mrs. Leab thought it was to be a suite, but apparently they just bought out a section instead). From the moment my wife snuck me in (we have seats on the upper level, so I was there already), I knew I was in trouble.
You see, the company chartered a bus for the employees and stocked that bus with a great deal of booze. Thus managers and underlings alike were sauced to high heaven.
So how did the night go wrong for me? Well, right from the beginning I knew I was in trouble. One of my wife's co-workers grabbed my ass and made sure everyone knew she was grabbing it.
Then, a man who was leaving the company (and would turn out to be a higher up manager) used me as a therapist. I had never met him before and here I am learning all about why he was quitting, why he hated everyone, and why he even hated his wife. And I quote: "My fucking wife quit her job as an engineer and decided she wanted to teach. So she goes back to school and is now working for peanuts. You know how much of a pain in the ass it is that I have to make more money? All so she can be happy...."
Yeah, so then there was another guy who told me all about why he wanted to one day sleep with my wife. I don't know if he didn't get that I was her husband, but it took alot not break his nose (and it would have been SO easy).
My wife was also upset because I talked to her boss and made him uneasy. I am the only person who his wife has ever talked to at a company function. Because I know her name and ask about her (you have to understand, he's afraid of people), he gets uncomfortable. He said something to her, and she came right to me.
And the topper? At the end of night, I get home and my wife tells me, "I'm so mad at you! I just can't talk to you right now." Why? Because one gal grabbed my ass (unsolicited) and several other people asked me to tell jokes and talked to me about their problems. It's my fault for not just saying, "Sorry, can't help you."

I’ve seen your eyes
And I can see death’s disguise
Hangin’ on me
Hangin’ on me
I’m beat, I’m torn
Shattered and tossed and worn
Too shocking to see
Too shocking to see

People I used to go to school with are starting to track me down. It's kinda creepy and kind of annoying. Across the United States, there are only 75 listings for the last name Leab. Eventually, you can come across the right one. I wasn't lucky enough to have name like Smith, Jones, or Andrews. Lots and lots of people with those names.
It is because of this ease of being able to find me that I was able to discover who "Anonymous" is. He (and I was right, it is a man) is none other than "Isaiah", the man with whom my Ex cheated on me (he was also her ex). We never liked each other, and he came across my blog. He recognized the name and that was it.

Trouble
Oh trouble move from me
I have paid my debt
Now won’t you leave me in my misery
Trouble
Oh trouble please be kind
I don’t want no fight
And I haven’t got a lot of time

-Trouble by Cat Stevens

Thankfully it's Winter Break, so I can (try to) relax for a little while.
Namaste.

6 comments:

Voix said...

Oh honey. If only you knew how many of us feel the exact same way:

"People like Michele, Meridita, DeRusha, and Worm tell me I'm funny and now the writing doesn't flow as well because I worry the next thing I write will drive the readers away.I'm not worthy of you, but I sure as hell appreciate all of you"

Here is the deal -- when you put your heart into your writing, it shows. If you worry too much about whether or not it is good while you're writing, you're just shooting yourself in the foot. You're talented. You're smart. You're funny. You have a life that sometimes gets really annoying and clunky and I hate being in trouble too.

Just keep doing what you're doing and cross your fingers that things will start to sort themselves out.

And if you weren't married, I'd totally hit on you non-platonical like -- but I am not the kinda girl who messes with men that are unavailable.

*mwah* from Voix.

Admin Worm said...

A couple things...

You and I must be psychically connected, because our moods often correspond.

Regarding your sisters getting upset, I'm reminded of David Sedaris, who has said that his entire family knows damned well that every word they say is fodder for his writing, and they don't always like it. However, my opinion is as long as its tasteful and not divulging true skeletons, everything is fair game.

As you and I have discussed before, people are too f-ing sensitive.

As far as worrying that the next thing you write will cause readers to look elsewhere, there are two responses to this. First, the loyal readers will stay. I know that this week I've churned out some genuine literary turds, but I have a core group of five people or so who are willing to suffer that periodically.

Of course, point number two is that you don't write for other people, you write for you. Even if you got two hits a week, you'd still do it...that is, if you consider yourself a writer, and I think you do.

As far as people using you as an emotional sounding board, I tend to attract people like that, and it drives me f-ing insane sometimes. Yesterday a guy at work bent my ear incessantly about nonsensical horseshit. It was like a little kid tugging on my shirttail looking for attention.

It's not my fault he's not getting the attention he needs at home, and I'm a little sick of everyone in the world being allowed to be sad...depressed...miserable...but if I experience a similar mood, the world's only reaction is anger and disappointment that old, reliable Worm doesn't feel like bearing the world's sins today.

You'd think they'd get the hint and never come back, but they always do. And like a sucker, I always listen again instead of giving them a big old middle finger.

Leab, sorry you're feeling like this. The world sucks ass, what more can I say...

Anonymous said...

Tell us.. where DO you teach?

Anonymous said...

Yes. If someone wanted to be in touch, how might they?

Anonymous said...

A message to the many readers of my brother's blog (I am so proud he has so many of you)

As someone who doesn't like someone describing her as too F-ing sensitive (though that kind of proves their point. Damn. ) let me point this out- the boy embroiders the truth a tad. "C" isn't mad at him. She basically thinks it is funny. And yeah, I don't like being painted as completely socially inept- but I probably am at least in comparison to baby bro & sis.

But this is the main thing- in terms of his family- He's not in trouble. But it makes for good reading.

I assure you gentle readers, the boy is well loved and actually known within our family as the "uncrowned titular head" of the branch.

Also, "C" and I had been playing phone tag for about a week before he posted. So he did not quite a reconciliation make.

But he's cute. And a good writer. Just a slightly naughty monkey.

And I love him a lot.

"A"

Leab said...

I don't think I put "Too f-ing sensitive," sis. I believe I put that there are times when you don't know it's a joke. Totally different.
Now. I also never said socially inept. Your words, not mine.
I said you lack confidence.
You were afraid of Doug. You aren't anymore. THat's because you had confidence.
Let's make that clear.
That's all I'm going to say on the subject.
Moving on now....
The Naughty Monkey.