Conversations with my Wife (4/18/06)

The wonderful thing about talking to someone you love and trust is how it illustrates life's foibles and little feelings.
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"Thanks alot."
"What did I do?"
"You woke my up last night."
"I did?"
"Yeah! You got up and went to the bathroom (and I warned you NOT to drink two bottles of water before bed). That's when I woke up."
"Do you know why I got up?"
"You had to pee...duh."
"Keep your voice down. You'll wake my parents."
"Sorry. Wouldn't want THAT to happen. I can hear your dad snoring. Nothing is going to wake him up."
"Sigh. I got up because you burped in my face."
"What?"
"We were facing each other and at, like, two a.m. you burped. A nasty burp that smelled like...maple sausage. How could I sleep?"
"What? Come on. That's not true."
"It is too! You burped in your sleep."
"I've never heard of that happening before....Quick, call a doctor, this is amazing."
"Seriously, it was gross."
"Sorry, dear, but come on...it's kinda funny."
"I'm so going to kill you in your sleep one day."
"I love you too."
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"Did you see the article?"
"I did."
"How do you feel about it? Isn't it sickening?"
"A little, but I've seen worse."
"Such as?"
"Enron, for starters. Or how about Northwest?"
"That's different...."
"How? Those companies either went under or are near it, yet their executives were given cash hand over fist. Your company is still doing well."
"It's different. We did not have a good year. These guys didn't earn over 100 percent raises."
"That's your opinion."
"It's fact. We did not have a great year."
"Ok, ok...I give."
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"It's just not fair."
"What?"
"No one flirts with me anymore."
"Bullshit."
"No. The last time was a few years ago. I can remember it."
"No, dear. It's just that you've become a married person. You don't see it anymore."
"People don't flirt with me anymore. But you, well, women are grabbing you at conferences."
"Is that what this is about? Come on. Women don't find me attractive, they just see me as a viable option. It's a bunch of teachers. Most of us aren't...uh...hot as it were. That Van Halen video? There are no teachers that really look like that. Our job kind of destroys us."
"You move your buddy, you get flirted with. You go to the conference, you get flirted with. You stop by work and my colleague calls you, 'yummy.' It's not fair."
"Honey...honey. Do you really want people to flirt with you? Do you want to deal with trying to explain to someone, 'Sorry, been married for five years now. It's awfully sweet, but I'm taken. Besides......I hate it when guys flirt with you."
"That's because you're insecure."
"I'm short, fat, and not very good-looking. I got you on my charm. Charm, much like looks, can fade. I worry that you'll one day wise up and walk off."
"I won't go. You have to stop that."
"You say that now, but feelings change. People change. Isn't it enough that I think you're beautiful? That I love you with all my heart?"
"Of course, but you have to love me."
"I do? I kinda got the idea it was a choice."
"Nuh-uh. Till death do us part."
"That wasn't part of our vows...."
"Don't get smart with me."
"Sorry, professor."