Thursday, September 01, 2005

The Power Napper

I've said this before, but it bares repeating. If Arm Wrestling, Poker, and, even now, Rock, Paper, Scissors (RPS) are considered sports, have their own leagues, and are televised, then I want to create the next big sport: The Power Nap Challenge. It's either that or we do construction as sport (though we have the Great Outdoor Games already). So, here's how The Power Nap Challenge works:
1. There are two contestants and various "classes" of the challenge.
2. The classes could contain the following:
A. Fastest to REM sleep
B. Quickest to sleep in fifteen, ten, or even five minutes.
C. Longest amount of sleep in obstacle filled course (this includes car alarms, screaming babies, etc.)
3. Each contest has to have a wacky nickname a la Boxing. So it could be Drew "Sandman" Smith, or "Snoring" Ana Gamble. Feel free to chime in with your own nicknames.
4. There will be no use of illegal substances (such as Nyquil or other medications with drowsy side effects). However, stuffed animals or "blankies" will be allowed.
Oh I know, dear reader, you're wondering, "Leab...what the hell?! How could watching a person sleep be exciting?" Think about Poker? It's the strategy and the commentators that make it work, right? So we get John Madden to do the sleep commentary:
"So, he got in the bed here (circle). Ok, not the way I would go, but it works. He pulls up the blanket, and BOOM, he's in the ready position. He lost a few moments when he moved the pillow (circle and draws arrow), which allowed his opponent to settle. Not good. This one's going to go to the clock.
5. If the sport takes off, then eventually, like football, a male-oriented knock-off staring former Playboy bunnies will be formed. ANNND, this will definitely appeal to all peeping toms and lovers of voyeurism out there.
Not liking "The Power Nap Challenge"? Afraid it will be won mostly by teenagers? Then what about construction as a sport. Fastest to put up a skyscraper! Quickest with the nail gun on dry wall! Best painting job!
Yes, I get that both sound boring, but how is it any different from Poker, Arm Wrestling, or RPS? Well, those three "sports" can be done drunk. Seriously. You may not necessarily win, but you can get plastered and try. Look at
this article in the City Pages, which talks about RPS. It used to be that you had to be good-looking, rich, or a smooth talker to get free drinks. Now you have to win a few rounds of RPS. Life has sure changed. I blame the young people...
Seriously, though, why wouldn't "The Power Nap Challenge" work? We already televise drivel like Poker (which is incredibly boring), Pokemon battles (on ESPN 2 at 3 in the morning), and Cricket ( a sport, though interesting at times, can last several days...DAYS!). So let's move to napping. We can even use a cool "night vision" look just like on reality TV.
Who's with me? Anyone? No? Ok, then how about Competitive Egg Toss? The Bachelor Games (these include taking random cooking ingredients and making dinner, most beers in a minute, and the brat toss)?
Let me know what you think or give me some ideas of your own. You know the drill.


Voix said...

I could so totally win the power nap challenge. I'm all for it.

Leab said...

Hmmm. I might have you there.