Sunday, July 31, 2005

For the (High School) Seniors 7/31/05

Author's Note: This post is to be taken with a grain of salt AND pepper. If you take it too seriously, can't sue me because you've been officially warned as
With August literally hours away, I decided to throw a little advice toward the seniors of this upcoming school year. However, in the style of fellow blogger
Admin Worm, I have decided to elaborate on the "fabulous" advice from this weekend's USA Weekend.
According to their "expert", there are five things every senior needs to do in order to get into the college they want. I, however, think that there are hidden meanings within each point. Let's take a look:
1. Get friendly with professors
What they say: You want to get noticed in order to help you get in to the college or class you want.
What they don't say: "Getting friendly" may include wine, food, and fellacio. You want that "A", don't you? You have to REALLY earn it.
2. Pound the Keyboard
What they say: Focus on that application, particularly the academic interests, and the essay.
What they don't say: You will be breaking many a keyboard as the frustration rises from trying to lie about your interest in Quantum Physics. Be prepared to snap two to four keyboards trying to write in iambic pentameter.
3. Open your mouth
What they say: During the interview, answer in detail and elaborate when you can.
What they don't say: On the one hand, the interviewer really doesn't care. On the other, what they really mean is learn how to chug a beer in three to four seconds, otherwise the people at the party will think you suck. This could also tie back into the first point (Don't make me have to spell it out for you, folks).
4. Be creative with your high school choices
What they say: Schools are looking for students who go after their interests.
What they don't say: If you thought that you could coast by with all those "Rocks for Jocks" classes, you were wrong. Get ready for community college, my friend...unless you're the star running back, in which case: SCHOLARSHIP.
5. Get a "real" job
What they say: The "tougher" your job is, the better chance you have of being accepted.
What they don't say: Sorry Mr./Ms. Fry Cook, it's not good enough. They want you working with handicapped, crack-addicted, aborted children in Guatemala. Besides, they may not want you to act like Paris Hilton, but they sure want that Hilton money. Your parents offer a library, and you're in like Flynn.
Hopefully this guide will help you with the rigorous college process. If you have any questions, Dr. I.T will be here to help. Good hunting.


Meridita said...

your #1 made me *snork* (thanks!)

what they don't say: it's okay to drop out when you're 16 if you know you'll do well on the ACT and GED, 'cause you'll be able to get into your first choice schools (and it won't matter if you applied after the deadline)

or maybe that was just me...

Admin Worm said...

You THIEF. I'll SUE.

He he he. There's plenty of blog fodder in USA Today for all of us, leab. In fact, it's a little like the Loaves and Fishes parable in the Bible. Every blogger on earth could write about something in USA Today, yet there would still be crap leftover.

Leab said...

Meredith: I have a lot of students that now hate you.
Worm: Very true, very true.

Meridita said...

hate?!? wow! that's impressive... with 40 some words, I managed to provoke HATRED? again, wow!

Leab said...

It's more the "first choice schools," part. Several of my students are wigging out about colleges wanting or rejecting them.
Way to be a killjoy...

Meridita said...

my bad... sorry...

wait, so now i'm hated, and i've killed joy? man, do i have power or what!