Author's Note: This post is to be taken with a grain of salt AND pepper. If you take it too seriously, well...you can't sue me because you've been officially warned as of...now.
With August literally hours away, I decided to throw a little advice toward the seniors of this upcoming school year. However, in the style of fellow blogger Admin Worm, I have decided to elaborate on the "fabulous" advice from this weekend's USA Weekend.
According to their "expert", there are five things every senior needs to do in order to get into the college they want. I, however, think that there are hidden meanings within each point. Let's take a look:
1. Get friendly with professors
What they say: You want to get noticed in order to help you get in to the college or class you want.
What they don't say: "Getting friendly" may include wine, food, and fellacio. You want that "A", don't you? You have to REALLY earn it.
2. Pound the Keyboard
What they say: Focus on that application, particularly the academic interests, and the essay.
What they don't say: You will be breaking many a keyboard as the frustration rises from trying to lie about your interest in Quantum Physics. Be prepared to snap two to four keyboards trying to write in iambic pentameter.
3. Open your mouth
What they say: During the interview, answer in detail and elaborate when you can.
What they don't say: On the one hand, the interviewer really doesn't care. On the other, what they really mean is learn how to chug a beer in three to four seconds, otherwise the people at the party will think you suck. This could also tie back into the first point (Don't make me have to spell it out for you, folks).
4. Be creative with your high school choices
What they say: Schools are looking for students who go after their interests.
What they don't say: If you thought that you could coast by with all those "Rocks for Jocks" classes, you were wrong. Get ready for community college, my friend...unless you're the star running back, in which case: SCHOLARSHIP.
5. Get a "real" job
What they say: The "tougher" your job is, the better chance you have of being accepted.
What they don't say: Sorry Mr./Ms. Fry Cook, it's not good enough. They want you working with handicapped, crack-addicted, aborted children in Guatemala. Besides, they may not want you to act like Paris Hilton, but they sure want that Hilton money. Your parents offer a library, and you're in like Flynn.
Hopefully this guide will help you with the rigorous college process. If you have any questions, Dr. I.T will be here to help. Good hunting.