Friday, August 05, 2005

Confusion

Ladies and gentlemen (and readers of all ages), this is one of those days where I just don't understand the opposite sex. You look over the following tale and tell me if I am just stupid or what. I freely admit that I have imbibed a great deal of wine.
My wife and I decided to go out for dinner tonight. We headed over to
Sapor in Minneapolis. Fabulous restaurant. I highly recommend it if you're heading out with a group or just on your own. Extensive wine list, great bar and dinner fare. Superb.
Back to the point. Over the course of dinner, my wife and I started talking about the attractiveness of other people. Now, your typical person, regardless of whether or not they are in a relationship, will inevitably look at other people they find attractive. One of my wife's friends married a guy who is, for lack of a better description, man-pretty. He's one of those guys that walks into a room and every woman swings her head. I would be jealous, but he's, well, a mimbo. It's the classic Cyrano tale. He's pretty but he can't talk. I gave him lines to use on his wife, which apparently worked. I say them and women go, "ICK!!!" He says them, and women suddenly need new underwear. Ok, maybe that's a little far, but you get the idea.
So here's where I get confused. I don't care that my wife thinks he's attractive. She's married, not dead. The problem, however, is that I don't look at other women. I don't care anymore. I'm married, and honestly, I don't think about or look at other women.
At one point, my wife asked me, "Who do you consider attractive?" I started to think about it. "Who do I find attractive?" After what I would consider a VERY long minute, I answered my wife truthfully. "I don't find other women attractive. I married the woman that answers that question. You are everything I find attractive from looks, to brains, to personality."
Now, I would think this answer, which is the truth, would make her feel good. I was, however, VERY WRONG. She was and still is not happy with my response. She says that my answer shows, "I have no standards," and I'm, "not comparing her to anything." Why is that bad? Seriously, I don't know! I used to date a gal who told me that she, "shouldn't be compared to other women." Am I a total schumck and just don't realize it?
I would think being told, "You're the pinnacle of what I'm looking for," would be a compliment. I don't look at other women, because I'm happy with my wife. There's no reason to think there should be anything better. And yet, she's unhappy that I feel this way. Why? Is it because she needs that competition? I also don't feel bad that she looks at other men. I would if she did anything with them, but looking is ok (at least with me).
Honestly, it's also tough for me, because I have never really thought of women that way. Sure, a lot of guys say this, but I, for better or worse, mean it. Who do I find attractive? I don't know. I find my wife attractive. She's brilliant, beautiful, and has a killer sense of humor that can make me laugh so hard I cry (and pee my pants a little). She makes me very happy. Why would I bother looking around when I have that?
So ladies and gentlemen, if you have an answer to my dilemma, please let
me know. I thought I was telling my wife how much I love her, but I guess I was just hurting her feelings.

8 comments:

Meridita said...

i am going to get back to you on this one... need to not be so tired in able to form coherent and concise sentences... also, will have hopefully gotten over my apparent fear of the 'shift key'

happy saturday

Admin Worm said...

Wow, dangerous. My wife reads your blog religiously, so I need to be careful.

Let's just say that I sympathize to a degree, leab. I now know that you and I have something more in common; that we managed to luck out and marry the women we feel are our physical ideal.

My wife possesses everything physically I ever desired. In all honesty, sometimes I'm resentful of her beauty, because it overshadows my formerly active fantasy life. Forgive what may be a gauche statement, but I asked a friend once: is it sick for a husband to only fantasize about his wife?

Okay, I'll admit I do a double-take now and then, but it's usually only when a woman is "dressed to attract," if you catch my meaning. It's one of those unwritten "male laws;" you see flesh, you must look.

An added element: many is the time my wife and I have gone shopping or something, and agreed to split up and rendezvous later. There have been times I've seen a woman across the store who made my heart go "thump thump" more than I'm comfortable with. Invariably it turns out to be her: I've caught a voyeuristic glimpse of my own spouse, and it just hammers home how utterly amazing I think she is.

I don't think your wife is angry, leab. I think she is perhaps mistrustful, like most women, when a man expresses his undying devotion. It's no secret men will say anything for a conquest; and unfortunately that mistrust can carry over even into marriage.

Give her time, and never stop the compliments.

Meridita said...

what he said...

Admin Worm said...

Well put! Couldn't have put it better my...

Wait, I did.

Meridita said...

well, you boys do have a bit more life experience than I, and I think I'll leave the deep relationship questions to those who have actually had a relationship (deep or otherwise)...

oh, and: ha. ha ha. to your comment there...

Admin Worm said...

Allow me to translate:

Admin Worm and leab are OLD.

Meridita said...

no,no... more like:

Meridita is YOUNG, VERY YOUNG...

Anonymous said...

Came across your blog...I would kill for a man that thought like you after my experiences! Your wife sounds like she mistrusts you. Afterall, it's rare to find a man who won't find another woman attractive, let alone look. Keep it up! You give men a good name. She'll realize just how lucky she is one of these days.