Monday, October 31, 2005

Mail Mondays (10/31/05)

Happy Halloween. Yes, it's that time of year when children (and some adults) dress up in costumes and parade around the neighborhood. I can already tell you that I've had two adults (yes, ADULTS) in costume come to my door for candy. Yup, two older women in masks asked me for candy. Isn't it supposed to be for kids?
On a side note, I went to St. Thomas tonight to talk to a class about what to do when a student has a crush on you (or asks you to Prom, as it were). I also had to speak to the National Council for Accreditation of Teacher Education. Why? It was my job to talk about all the good things about St. Thomas. I played my part, but when I mentioned one negative thing, they held me after everyone left to get my "full" impression. It Yeah, fun.
How about some mail?
Are you Slanderous Minneapolis?
A Depressed Reader (Remember, names are changed to protect the innocent...or the dumb).

Dear Depressed Reader,
I wish I was the Slanderizer. That site gets lots of readers, is always funny, and even won an award (Twin Cities locally generated Blog of the Year). While I may be able to write a piece here and there about Chris Conangla or whoever, I am not the Slanderizer. Nope. That's Jason DeRusha. Ok, just kidding, he's really Don Shelby.
Seriously though, I have no clue who the Slanderizer is. I just send a piece every now and then to see if I'm actually funny. Apparently I'm mean and can get people fired. So, who's next?
Dear Mr. Leab
Why are boys so stupid? I mean, a girl throws herself at a guy, and he slinks away? Doesn't that mean he's gay? What the hell?
Sexually Frustrated Gal

Ah, Gal. You have the age old problem. You're a vivacious young woman who really wanted this guy to play rough with you, but he was scared at how forward you are. No, it doesn't mean he's automatically gay. That would make life easier if it did, though, wouldn't it? No, I'm afraid your boy was probably a virgin and scared about his performance. You see, not all men are raging hormones who want sex all the time. We do have our lucid moments. Really.
However, we're talking about a high school age kid. He may be nice, but instead of talking to you about the future and how he feels and his fears, he decided to break it off. So here's my advice. Let it go. Soon you'll be done with high school and most college guys are more mature (no really) and will be able to help you.
Two-parter: 1. Have you ever held up a Starbucks?
2. What does "lost years" mean?
A Bored Student

Bored Student,
1. No. Seriously, you've been in my class, do I look like the kind of guy who would hold up a Starbucks? Wait, wait, wait. What I mean is, why would I hold up a Starbucks? I have an ok salary teaching, and my wife works as well. Look, I don't like the Starbucks crowd, but that doesn't mean I would commit violence against it. Sheesh.
2. Sigh. At one point, while in college, I became...a drunk. I reacted badly to some events in my life and decided to drink reality away. There are a lot of days during that time that I don't remember. It's sad but true.
Hey Idiot,
How dare you defend Spike Lee! He's a racist pig. This is a man who basically hates white people. Are you an idiot? If he said something that was against his own race, it was probably done at gunpoint.
A Loving Reader

Dear Loving Reader,
If I didn't know better, I might believe you were a big fan of Prussian Blue. Seriously. Look, we all have opinions. I believe Spike Lee was right, and I believe calling him an "Uncle Tom" is not a positive thing.
There's a great song from the show
Avenue Q called "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist." It's a great song. Essentially the song says it's title. Everyone has a little bit of racism. It's not a bad thing, it's just life. We all have some sort preconceived notion about another race that might be bad. Example? All Asian people drive badly. Racist? Sure. Do alot of people believe it? I bet if you took a poll, people who didn't have to show their face or use their name would say, "Yes."
I agree with what Spike Lee said. I think he has a better insight into African-American society than I do, but I agree that the idea of the "Gangsta" lifestyle gives modern teenagers and kids ideas that will never (and in some cases should never) come true. We don't need more killers out there. We don't need a "new mafia" as one rapper proclaims.
Sorry you disagree with me, but that's what I believe.
Ok one more.
To borrow a phrase from PTI, why do you slurp Jason DeRusha so much?
A Concerned Citizen

You know what? He's a nice guy. He's actually taken the time to comment on my blog and consistently writes on Sure, he wears high heeled boots now and then, but who doesn't? Ok besides me? Ok besides you? Ok screw you. He's a good guy. Get over it.

All right, that does it for today's mail. See you all tomorrow. Keep those comments and emails coming.


Jason said...

Leab- it's you slurping me?? I had no idea what that odd sensation was. Anyway, if your kind mentions of me are annoying your regular readers... I encourage you to direct your blogging attention to Mary Tan. She's nice, crazy, and wears funny clothing. It's a non-stop source for comedy.

Admin Worm said...


Uhhhh, it was ME who asked about Slanderous. So, thanks for protecting my stupidity...or innocence.

Not sure what's up with Slander. It's disappointing. It's like once word got out that it was a quality site, and once they started selling advertising, they disappeared.