Warning, this post may contain coarse language. You've been warned, so no suing.
So I got this hysterical invite in the mail. Apparently President Bush is going to be visiting (unofficially) Maple Grove on Friday. He is planning on holding a town hall meeting to discuss Medicare and medical issues with senior citizens. He is looking for seniors that would be willing to discuss these issues with him. I, apparently, am one of those seniors. Yeah, here's the problem, folks. First of all, I'm not anywhere close to my sixties. To be a senior citizen (or old fart to the uncouth) in this country, a man has to be 65, and a woman has to be 62. How do I know this? I go to the movies way too much.
The second problem is that I am not really a Republican. Before you go off on me, you have to understand that I don't really like the Democrats either. They have essentially become the same party as this point, just with different backers and slightly different goals. For me, choosing to be Republican or Democrat is like asking me if I want to be shot in the left kneecap or the right one. I don't really want either. Yes, I do admit that I am not a fan of Bush. He honestly embarrasses me with his whole, "I'm one of you" schtick when he is really a Connecticut Blue-Blood. Honestly, he's starting to be like an American version of Prince Charles. The ears are just sooo big. The democrats aren't much better. Kerry frightened me. I did vote for him, because I just can't trust this administration. I mean why is it that oral sex can lead to impeachment, but misdirection that leads to war doesn't? But I digress, that's not what this is about.
So how did I get this card? Well, during my Master's program, I met a girl named Dara. She is your neo-conservative. Not a Republican, she goes beyond the Republican ideas straight to Christian Conservative. I call her Mini-Coulter, after Ann Coulter (yes, I am putting a link here in the interest of fairness). I was her Bill Maher. (See, that's how you make it fair and balanced...FOX!) We would bicker and complain, at and about each other, but we got along very well. Unfortunately, during one class, I slammed her lesson plan and made everyone laugh. Because of that, she signed me up on every Republican site she could find. For the last election, I got letter after letter about the party. Now, I, of course, found out about it from one of the students who sat near her, so I signed her up for all the Democratic AND Independent (I'm meaner than she is) candidates. I also sent them to both her new house she was building as well as to her parents house. You can say it: that's incredibly mean. Still, if she hadn't signed me up, I wouldn't have been invited to this meeting.
I don't think I'm going to go for the simple reason that if I show up one of two things will happen. Either I will be arrested on the spot for false identity, and then media outlets will talk about, "the man arrested at the town hall meeting....Leab had a criminal record....He attempted to hurt the Pope, the POPE!" That wouldn't go over too well, I don't think. The other thing that could happen would be that I would get in and would ask President Bush either, "Mr. President, what are you really doing to ensure my and my students' futures, because it doesn't look like much right now." Or, and probably worse, I would stand at the microphone, clear my throat, and ask, "Mr. President, what the fuck?" Yeah, I don't think it would go over well either.
The bottom line is also that I don't want to deal with the security stuff. The frisking, the background checks (that would be a nightmare), the sycophantic people. It would be like when I saw the first episode of Star Wars: Some guy drooling about how great Bush is, and then cheering like the Vikings won the Super Bowl. It's not my cup of tea.
So, if you have a grandpa that wants to meet the Leader of the Free World, let me know. I can pass along my invite. I don't mind.
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