And now: Mr. Optimist and Mr. Pessimist will debate how I should feel about the fortune I received in my fortune cookie.
Mr. Leab: We tossed a coin backstage, and Mr. Optimist won, so he'll go first. Here is the fortune: Your humor and personality are what draw people to you.
Mr. Optimist: Thank you, Mr. Leab. First, I would like to thank your brain for allowing me to be here tonight. I think this will go very well. Now, we need to look at the positive aspects of this fortune. First of all, people are drawn to to you. That's important to note. Why are they drawn to you? Because you have the ability to talk to them, you make them laugh, and you make them think. That's what humor and personality bring to the table.
ML: Response Mr. Pessimist?
Mr. Pessimist: I would like to start by saying that this will not end well. How do I know? Because it never does. Also, my leg hurts. It's probably cancer or because no one loves me. Now, what does it say that our fortune says that out personality is what people like? Does a person get to know your personality before they see you? Not unless they're blind. People see us before they speak to us. And with the way the world is now, don't most people make their judgements on how you look, not on how you sound?
MO: Wait, wait, wait. That's a generalization, my friend. Not everyone in the world decides who you are based on your looks. Otherwise Mr. L here would never have gotten married.
ML: Ummm. Thanks. Awesome.....
MO: If I may continue? Ok, let's say, for the moment, that people do base attractiveness on how you look. Eventually, you're going to have to talk to each other. No matter how often you sleep together, eventually, you'll get tired. Someone will want to talk. If you have no humor and no personality, then when you have nothing to talk about, you won't be sleeping with that person anymore.
MP: Spoken like a man who's never had a great "physical" relationship....
MO: That's low, man. Come on!
MP: Whatever.... May I continue now?
ML: Go ahead.
MP: You don't need to be able to "talk" if you're amazingly good looking. Have you ever heard someone say, "He's so great, just look at his personality" before? No. What makes someone "hot"? It's the way they look. They like the smile, the beautiful face and body. Is there a reality show on television that remakes a person's personality? Nope. Are their shows that change how you look? Hell yeah! This fortune is essentially telling Mr. L that he is not good looking, but at least he can talk.
MO: But wait! That's actually a positive thing. Even if, as you say, Mr. L is unattractive...
ML: You know, I'm right here gentlemen.
MO: ...then this fortune is truly, in fact, a compliment. You say people are drawn to each other because of looks, yet this fortune says that he is able to draw people to him because of his humor and personality. It never mentions looks. It's not saying he's ugly, just that his abilities to make people laugh and to make people think draws them to him. Maybe that's just on top of his looks? Did you ever think of that?
MP: I wish I could see life like you do. Where you see light, I see shadow. That's why I'll live longer. You live in a dream, I live in reality. I'm a realist. Look at Mr. L's students.
ML: Hey! No, no, no, no. We're not going there.
MO: Actually, I'm ok with him talking about this. It will prove my point.
MP: Oh really? Do you really think that the two students that asked him to Prom did it because they thought he was funny? I don't think so. They did it, because they thought he was good looking. It was error in their judgement, but it's probably how they felt.
ML: I love this. I'm right here! Can you see me? Helloooo? Don't talk like I'm not in the room. It's rude, gentlemen. And stop insulting me.
MO: Sorry.
MP: I'm not. I'm finished. My point is made. People come to you because of how you look. They leave because of who you are.
MO: You're wrong. Both the students who asked him to Prom as well as the students who came to his home did those things because he made them laugh and he listened to them. It had nothing to do with how he looks. He's always been called cute. Isn't that right?
ML: Sigh. Yes, I have always been cute. I am not, as Paris Hilton would say, "Hot."
MO: So his personality really is his draw. That's a good thing.
ML: Ok, ok. Enough. Let's get to the final arguments, PLEASE. Mr. P. You may go first.
MP: In this country, we value looks more than anything. Well, except maybe money. Every magazine deals with looking a certain way. I don't recall GQ talking about personality. It's about looks. It's about fashion and more. How do we clue a friend that someone might not be good looking? "Oh, that person has a great personality." What's the first thing people notice? "Oh man, that person is hot!" It's not about how you talk, it's about how you look. Thus, his fortune cookie sealed his fate. He is not good looking, and God, or Fate, or Time, or whatever rules this universe is letting him know.
ML: Depressing. Rebuttal?
MO: Long ago, it may have been about looks, but in the modern age, we need the ability to talk. Ask any woman what they look for in a man, and "the ability to listen," and, "a sense of humor," are always the first things said. Whether or not they mean it is irrelevant. If you don't have the ability to make people laugh or if you can't carry a conversation, then people find you boring and abandon you. The fortune cookie said people are drawn to Mr. L because of his personality and humor. It never mentions his looks, that's just an assumption on your part. Maybe it means along with, or maybe it doesn't. The point is this: looks fade with time. Even Botox is not enough to save you. Personality, however, stays with you until your life is over. Doesn't that prove my point?
Mr. Leab: This concludes our debate for tonight. It is up to you to decide who is right. You can either drop us a line, or leave a comment. At a future date, we'll post the winner.
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