Ramblings for the Evening (10/25/05)

Ugh. My wife is sick, and it's taking a toll on me. Before you think I'm an insensitive person, realize that I am taking care of her and myself as well as working as well as being an insomniac. Ugh. It was a long day.
Because my wife is sick, I'm not sure I'm going to the game tonight. We'll see.
Well, without further ado: HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!
Spike Lee
I watch Real Time With Bill Maher. I admit it. I find him funny. Anyway, he had Spike Lee on as one of his panelists and asked Spike about the new NBA Dress Code. Now, Spike Lee is about to turn 50 years old. He's been making movies for a long time, and he even has a new documentary about Hurricane Katrina. He responded that he doesn't really have a problem with the new dress code. He also let out that he isn't a big fan of the "Gangsta culutre in hip-hop."
Now, I'm a white guy, so I can't really talk too much about African-American culture (I also believe that as a guy, it's not really my place to talk about abortion...a woman does it, so it's hers to talk about...but that's for another time). However, here's my problem:
On the one hand, I understand the new NBA dress code, and I don't really disagree with them. No headphones? Fine. The players need to look nice? Fine. The players are representatives of the league and thus should look good.
On the other hand, this is a bunch of white guys telling mostly African-American men how they need to look in public. One owner, Mark Cuban (a white dude) disagrees with the dress code, but went along with it because the league told him to do so. This seems to be the only league with this kind of dress code. On off days, baseball players aren't told to be dressed in business casual.
Why do I bring up Spike Lee, you ask? Well, only one day after making those comments on Bill Maher's show, Spike was called the new version of "Uncle Tom." Many members of the "Gangsta" community that Spike disagreed with called him a, "Cosby." Cosby, as you may or may not remember, talked about how the new generation of African-Americans are not well educated and embarassing. At the same time, he railed against the neo hip-hop community. Lee, who has been an activist for years, is now being considered a traitor to his own race? What the hell is wrong with people? He doesn't agree with something. That's his opinion. Is he spending money to eradicate all traces of neo hip-hop in African- American culture? No. Just because he feels that it can be a bad influence doesn't mean he's against black people. Nor does it mean he's an "uncle tom." It's disappointing to hear this.
Hey, I don't like how neo hip-hop is influencing white people, does that mean I'm a traitor to my race? Anyone?
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Anger and the Computer Geek
I played tennis this past weekend against a guy who looks a lot like this. While he seemed mild-mannered, he immediately turned into the angriest person I have ever played against in my whole life (only in tennis, however). Every shot I called out, he questioned. He aimed for me when I was at the net. You're supposed to pass the opposing player, not take off a limb. At one point, I dove for a shot at net and popped the ball up. I could see this flash in his eyes, and he looked between me and the ball with this look of blood lust. He meant to smack that ball at me and hurt me. When he hit the ball, it just missed my head. He laughed after the ball got by and said, "Oh shucks. I just missed." Now, I can't really blame him. At one point, my mother jokingly offered me a quarter everytime I hit the guy teaching me tennis. Back to the point however. I knew he was a computer geek, because that's how he introduced himself to me. I asked him what he did for a living. His response? "Well, I do computer work. It's kinda hard to explain to people who don't know." Wow, way to underestimate my intelligence, dude. I know this guy is put upon at his job (he told me), and I know he's in a marriage where his wife and kids don't respect him (again, he told me. I had to hear a whole story about how his sons enjoy playing tennis against him and hitting him with the ball).
I used to be as competitive as this guy. If I didn't win, then I got angry. Hell, one year in college I wanted to win at Trivial Pursuit against my friends, so I "borrowed" the question cards and memorized ALL of them. I wanted to win. When I was a kid, I was so hardcore about wining that I would beat myself up if I didn't win both mentally and physically. Luckily my sisters beat the crap out of me and worked on breaking my ego. It made me a better person (seriously).
I mentioned last week I have been feeling really angry lately. Now I watched this guy as we played, and I saw myself. I heard the way he talked to himself, the way he moved when he hit the ball into the net, and more. He was just like me. During the first set (which he won easily), I was just like him. I was so angry, and my head just wasn't in the game. I was thinking about my wife, my life, hospitals and doctors, and more. After losing the first set, I walked to the bench, took a drink, and just looked at this guy. He was slumped over, shaking, and talking to himself about work. I saw myself, and I was shocked. I felt so stupid.
When I walked out to start the second set, I just let it all go. I figured out a way to just stop thinking: I let a song take over my brain. Seriously. I started whistling quietly. The song? My Blue Heaven. I don't know why, but it took over and that was the only thing I heard. It was the first time that I didn't have multiple things going through my head (see below to read more about my brain). I served better, and I played better. I ended up winning the next two sets, but not without dealing with his anger.
Maybe this is the first step to dialing back the anger, but only time will tell.
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Minnesotans Forgive those Vikes
Oh, I'm so disappointed in Vikings fans. Here are people crying out that the team needs to be broken up, that something needs to be done to punish these guys, and that it sickens them to think about it....And then the team beat the Packers, and, as one fan put it, "All is forgiven." That's a sad commentary folks. Hey, you're a rapist...but you're also our best player...win and we forget the sin (hmm, I sense a sign at the next home game). So let's hit a few of the problems here:
First of all, if you REALLY want to "hurt the team" or "get revenge" as so many people put it, then you need to NOT watch the game, NOT go to the game, or NOT listen to the game. If you want to the players to take notice, hit them where it hurts: the bank. No ratings, no revenue, no money. In the new millenium, it's all about the dough, isn't it?
Secondly, realize that Minnesotans, beyond being HUGE fairweather fans, are neither the best nor the worst fans when it comes to sports. They're near the top for hockey, but those crafty Canadiens are better and more supportive. Below is a list of the worst fans in four leagues.
Baseball: Hands down it's the Chicago White Sox fans. One fan slapped a player's wife, two other fans jumped out of the crowd, charged the Kansas City Royals' 1st base coach, and beat him.
Ever hear of Disco Demolition Night? It went from destroying Disco records to beatings and burnings. Yankee fans throw batteries. White Sox fans throw darts. Ouch.
Football: Hands down it's the Philadelphia Eagles' fans. They booed Santa, for cripes sake. They threw snowballs at their OWN TEAM! These guys are just finicky, they're down right vicious. They will throw batteries at fans of the other team.
Basketball: This was a tough one, but after careful consideration, the answer is Detroit. I hadn't thought about it, but years ago I went to a Pistons game with my mother. We sat almost all the way up at the top of the Palace of Auburn Hills. Even up there, when the team started losing, people attempted to throw things at the opposing team. Hell, about five years ago, a few Pistons fans figured out where the opposing teams were staying and phoned in prank calls about dead wives and such. That leads to...
Hockey: Maybe I'm biased from where I grew up, but the worst fans in the NHL are on the Island. That's right NY Islanders fans are the WORST in the NHL. Why? Let's look at the track record. They boo their own team for no reason, sometimes after they score. "The Islanders are winning? BOOOOOOO!" This is a team that had something called "the Santa Skate-Around" where children could skate on the ice with guys dressed as Santa. One fan took off his coat to reveal a NY Rangers jersey (the hated rival) and was beaten. Not only punched, but they found cuts on his body...from skates. That's hardcore hate, folks.
Am I disappointed in Vikings fans? Oh hell yes. They win, you forget about the troubles. If they lose every game for the rest of the season, will you still profess love? Probably not, I'm betting.
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A Sports Conspiracy: I just find it fascinating that Major League Baseball seems to be helping the Chicago White Sox. Three blown calls helped them get in and win the first two games of the World Series. Now, the Houston Astros aren't allowed to close their roof for tonight's games. That benefits the White Sox. Last year it was the Red Sox, now it's the White Sox. Yet there are no ratings. Perhaps this is a conspiracy, or perhaps it's just a mercy killing to end such a long season.
And finally:
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My Brain:
I had a student ask me the most random question: "How would you describe your brain?" I didn't understand the question at first. What the hell does that mean? So I asked, "What do you mean?" She explained to me that some people refer to their brain as a car, a house, a kitchen, a machine, etc. I had to think about it. What is my brain like?
After a minute, it dawned on me. I guess I had always known. My brain is like a radio. The more I thought about this, the more I realized why I can't sleep at night.
Imagine your brain is a radio. Most radios can only get one station at a time. Occasionally a second station flares in for a second, but more often than not, it's one station.
For me, there are four stations coming in clearly all at once. Seriously. I'm constantly multi-tasking while thinking or doing anything. Hell, while I write this, I'm also on the phone talking to someone, making a grocery list, and working out the "to do" list for the rest of my week. What's worse is when everything goes quiet (such as when I try to sleep). That's when I get restless because not enough is going on.
When I was covering the Film Studies class, I almost went nuts. Watch the film...that's it. So I had to work on other things while the film was playing.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe it means I'm crazy. I don't know.
Then again, what do I know? I'm the guy at the Wild games who's watching the game, writing in his notebook, talking to his neighbors, and writing lesson plans...all at once. I could be wrong.

Mail Mondays (10/24/05)

Wow, another Monday. Seriously, does anyone like Mondays? After a few days of relaxing, you have to return to the grind. Be it as a student, worker, or whatever. Oy vey.
Well, let's get to the mail this week.
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Hey Leab,
Where do you get all your stories (the stripper guy, the dead Aussie, etc.)? You sure these are real?
The Fact Checker

Well, Mr. or Ms. Fact Checker,
I read way too much. When all is said and done at the end of the day, I read about six newspapers (at least), several websites, and (shock of shocks) I talk to colleagues about what they've been reading, listening to, etc. I'm very sure that the stripper story is real. It was in the NY Daily News (free to read online...for now), and today they pontificated about it on KQRS (though they once again left out facts that were pertinent...you know like this happened two years ago today). On a side note, I love this picture. It's the ultimate "deer in headlights." McCormick looks like the camera guy called him Hitler. As for some of the other stories, well, I read "The Strange News" on the Comcast and Yahoo websites. Yup, while you're reading about Britney Spears, I'm reading about an exploding python, a dead Aussie driver, and more.
Why do I read so much? Well, if you just read one paper or one source, you don't get everything. I love to read both the NY Daily News AND the NY Post, because one if super conservative and one is pretty liberal, so they will approach a story very differently. It allows you to find the truth in that story, because, you see, the truth is always in the middle. It's never as clear cut as they present. No one side is always right. It just doesn't work that way. That's why I read so many sources.
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Leab,
Who's this Emma person you mentioned before?
Inquiring minds want to know?
Anonymous

Oh sure, "Anonymous", I bet "they" do. Where do I begin? Emma is the reason why the St. Thomas Education program now talks about what to do when your students "like you." That's right. I was asked to talk to the program heads (and to a few classes) about what to do when a student has a crush on you. Now, she may deny it, or she may not, but most of my colleagues (and some of her fellow students) believe that she had a crush on me. Now, I honestly can't tell you what goes on in the heart and mind of a teenage girl, but this one, I am assured, had a thing for me. Emma is not your typical teenager. Most teenage girls aren't really concentrating on the far future, yet she was.
She's quite intelligent, and he fondness for me led to many interesting days.
Emma was one of the students, for example, who arrived at my home to "fork" my lawn. I know a few people aren't sure what "forking"is. Basically, the students put many, many forks into the teacher's lawn. As Emma once put it, "It's the new TP." I've mentioned before how she and a friend came to my home.
However, there were other stories as well. For example, I turned Emma into a Smurf. Ok, not a real smurf, but close enough for reality's sake. I was working on a set, and I warned her not keep hitting me with paint (think third grade hair pulling, but make it about paint). I gave her one final warning: "If you do that again, you will regret it." Well, being as she is the typical teenager, she did it again. So, I put her on a cardboard box and said, "If you apologize, I will not do it, but if you don't, I will pour a can of paint over your head. She refused, so...I made good. I took the blue paint, and I poured it over her head. The students (who had turned up to watch) were shocked. Emma was shocked. I, however, had proven that my word is my bond. There is a testament to that day on the wall outside the scene shop at the school. It has to do with "The Legend of Mr. Leab." Of course, funnier than the actual paint pouring was Emma's response. She first attempted to hug me (in order to get me painted), then walked around in a bra. Several students (and the director of the show) commented about the fact that she seemed to be walking by me mostly. What a shock.
The bottom line is that Emma is a very smart girl, but she has never been given boundaries. She's smart enough to get around most people, but when she ran into me, she was stuck. One of the things I know annoys her is the fact that she could never beat me. I could use logic or simple verbal tricks to stop her in her tracks. That is why I think she liked me: I was her foil. I said no, stuck to my guns, and outwitted her. Now, she goes to another school, and I don't really hear from her.
Hope that answers your question, "Anonymous."
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Leab
Law # 2 of "Leab's Laws of Life" makes no sense. How can the situation be hopeless, but not serious? That makes no sense!
A Student

Oh boy. I sure got alot on this one. Some people liked Leab's Laws of Life (scroll to the bottom), some people really didn't. Funny enough, it was the students who questioned more than the adults. I really thought it was going to be the other way. Whatever, back to the point.
#2: The situation is hopeless, but not serious. What does it mean? It means that even if things look bad, you can't dwell on them so hardcore. It DOES NOT mean that you ignore the seriousness, but rather understand it, and then move on to figuring out how to solve it. You fail on a test. It's hopeless that you can get the grade changed to passing, but the seriousness of it shouldn't be held on to for days. In the grand scheme of things, you will have more tests to take, more chances. That's what it means. Make sense now?

Thanks for stopping in for today's mail. See you all tomorrow...maybe.

A Little Saturday Humor

So, here's a joke for your Saturday night enjoyment (I mean with SNL not so funny anymore and Mad TV never on due to sporting events, we all need a good joke. This one's an oldie but goldie. Enjoy (no, it's not meant to offend. It's just a joke).
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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy. However, if the Pope won, they would have to leave or convert. The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise, Rabbi Moishe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe was too clever and that the Jews could stay in Italy.
Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten at my every move and I could not continue."
Meanwhile the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moishe. "How did you win the debate?" they asked.
"I haven't a clue," said Moishe. "First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger! Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him, we're staying right here."
"And then what?" asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Moishe, "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."

Ramblings for the Morning (10/21/05)

How strange. It's almost nine a.m., and I've done...nothing. It's a very odd feeling. I would say other teachers know what I mean, but I think many of the teachers I know already can relax at a moment's notice. Wonder what that's like....
Well, anyway, without furthur ado: NOT MY HAND! (seriously, do any of you know any of these?)
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Lap it up:
Look at this man. Beyond just his utterly off appearance, this man managed to spend, according to the NY Daily News story, $241,000 on strippers and such at the famous Scores club in NY. Let's start with the club. Scores is like an even more upscale version of Sheiks here in Minneapolis. If you're a celebrity (be it Queen Latifah, a wrestler, David Beckham, or even Brad Pitt), you head to Scores for all your stripping needs. Now, company men also head to Scores (as is evident by this story), but most are smart enough to either take someone to help them (such as a sobber buddy. This is a person who doesn't drink and then makes sure you don't do anything stupid....You know, like pay the price of a condo in Minneapolis for strippers, or drive to Chicago in the middle of night, it's all relative. There were three other men, but they all drank). Now, McCormick is from Missouri. Yes, the same state my wife is from, and the same state where we went to college (also the strip clubs in Missouri are actually across the river in Illinois...but that's another story). He has three kids and is married. Oh, and his salary? Around $700,000 a year, so this Amex bill is about 1/3 of what he makes. No wonder he looks like a deer in headlights.
American Express is suing him and the Savvis company for the money. You see, he felt the charges were, "padded," so he didn't pay. That's a hell of a bill to miss. With 18.4% interest...ouch! So the question becomes this: did McCormick know what he was doing? The spokesman for Scores says you don't talk to the customers about the money they're spending. Also, they can't provide an itemized bill of where the money went. If it was all on a credit card, how do they not know where the money went? Did they just say, "Hmm. Charge him $10,000, and we'll just divy it up." Scores also has other lawsuits against that say roughly the same thing: The bills were padded.
Of course, on the other hand, there's the question of McCormick's sobriety at the time. Maybe he wasn't drunk, just excited about closing a billion (yes, with a b) dollar deal. Maybe he didn't have a single drink, but hoped that some of his companions (there were four guys in total) would pick up some of the bill. That would mean each guy would have a little over $60,000 to pay, or roughly what it would cost to go to the University of Minnesota (as an in-state student) for 4 years.
Personally, this story just saddens me. A great deal of people are dealing with money issues. This guy thought he only blew $20,000 on strippers. $20,000! That's only $10,000 less than the starting salary for teachers in about 20 states. Excess spending...seems to be the thing that America does the best nowadays.
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Dead Men Get No Parking Tickets:
An Australian Traffic cop noticed a car was parked illegally and decided to slap on a parking ticket. He walked around the car, got the tags, wrote up the ticket, and walked off. Here's the problem. There was a guy in the passenger seat, and he was dead. Reported missing only 9 days earlier, the 71 year old man apparently died in the car. The cop, who may have been in a rush, or may just not have really noticed, missed the dead guy in the driver's seat. Now, I bring up this story, because I noticed that many people have stopped observing the world around them. When I was in college, the Psychology department ran an experiment where they have students stand out in crowds and hold up random signs with instructions. For example, one sign read, "If you are reading this, shout, 'Great sign!' out loud." Next to the person holding the sign were two other students who would tick off how many people looked, how many people didn't, and how many people did what the sign said. Now it sounds odd, but it was an interesting experiment. The final tally said that most people didn't notice the sign. If they did, they didn't follow the instructions. What does that say about us? There's an urban legend that a man died in a subway car in Los Angeles, and no one noticed. I believe we're starting to become more and more introverted to the world. Instead of seeing each other, and the world around us, we only see our little space.
On another note, you have to feel bad for the person in the chicken suit or any one of those costumes (even mascots) who have to be out in the blazing sun. They're paid pretty much nothing, get yelled at by pretty much everyone, and, if you're a mascot, more often than not you're attacked by the opposing team and beaten. Sounds like fun doesn't it? Hello? Anyone? That's what I thought. I remember the guy at my high school got tackled by one opposing team's cheerleaders Those gals slapped him around. It was tough for him. He was made fun of for the rest of the year.
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Lawyer Dead...No One Bats an Eye:
One of the defense lawyers for Saddam Hussein is dead. That was quick. Seriously. He was shot and dumped behind a mosque. Apparently people aren't happy about this new November court date, still, as Stephen Colbert put it, that's Sweeps time on TV.
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Smile, You've Just Been Booked:
This is hysterical. Now, I'm not going to do a political rant here, but really like the fact that for his mugshot, Tom DeLay smiled. I think that's just plain funny. Everybody at the DMV for license pictures almost never smiles. Anybody who is arrested never smiles. You're not happy about the fact that you've been taken in by the Po-Po. It's not a "happy" thing. Yet, here's DeLay smiling as if he was having his picture taken for "Government Official of the Year." One commentator said, "He's smiling, because he's white and rich and will get off." I don't think that's what it is. I think he's smiling, because this experience is funny to him.
And finally....
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Rules to Live By:
I recently discovered that a former student of mine posted some advice I gave her. Honestly, I was kind of shocked, but apparently she "liked what I had to say." So, I end this rambling by giving you the advice I gave her. You can decide for yourself if you like/hate/don't understand. whatever this advice.
Leab's Laws of Life (for his former student)
1. Adapt. Either fit into the situation, or make the situation fit you. Don't sulk or bitch. Just react.
2. Realize that the situation is hopeless, but not serious.
3. Don't panic.
4. When upset, take three deep breaths. This slows the heart rate and clears the mind.
5. Realize that life is incredibly short. If a yardstick represents the history of the universe, we are the last millimeter on that stick. Our lives are as short as a blink on our phones. If you sit around and mope and think woe is me all the time, life is going to pass you by.
6. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that right now is the best time of your life. Life gets so much better as time progresses.
Feel free to discuss.

Kicked When You're Down

I ran into one of my neighbors while I was out last night. He told me that Ed (the old guy across the street who yelled at his dog) died in the hospital. Talk about being kicked when you're down. Sure, he was old. Sure, he couldn't handle his dog and liked to yell at her, but he was a nice guy when you talked to him.
When I first met Ed, I was cleaning my yard, and he was struggling with a heavy bag. I offered to help him, and he was quite grateful. I ended up hearing about when he was in the Navy as well as about his wife, his previous dogs and more.
People who didn't really know Ed were afraid of him, because he liked to yell, but he was gentle person.
Daisy, his dog, has gone to live with his grandson (which will be better for her. He apparently has more room). It's not clear yet what will be done with Ed's place. I'm hoping the new neighbors will be nice.
Goodbye Ed. Thank you for being so kind when I first moved here.
Oh, and today is the one year anniversary of when the two students tried to "fork" my lawn. No one came by last night (as far as I know).

Wild Vs. Sharks (10/19/05)

This was the last game of the recent Wild homestand. You know, it's been interesting to hear people talk about the Wild on the national sports shows. Many believe that, "it's only been six or seven games. They won't stay this good." Still others think, "This is all smoke and mirrors." Whatever the case may be, the Wild were in fine form last night against a tough opponent: The San Jose Sharks. Though in 3rd place in the Pacific division, this is a team that is built for the long haul. Still, the Wild have been rolling. This was evident last night.
For the first time, the Wild started slow. With all of the scoring this team has done, the crowd was anxious that the Wild weren't really pressing harder. This could be because the team has new lines. With Marion Gaborik back, players had to be shifted around. Gaborik showed that he hadn't really lost a step. Sure, he was rusty at first. During one odd man rush, Gaborik was a little hasty and stepped into the offensive zone before Walz brought the puck in. Fans, who were wanting to see Gaborik's speed were not disappointed.
After 15 minutes of back and forth, the Wild finally put the first tally on the board. Gaborik, showing why he is the fastest player on the Wild, fired off a nifty pass to Willie Mitchell, who slammed the puck home for the first goal.
As the first period ended, many fans believed the game was already over. "This is what they do," one guy yelled. "We RULE!" Still, the Wild had only 6 shots, while the Sharks had 12. Manny Fernandez, playing in goal again, was fantastic. This was no more evident than during the opening of the second period.
While on the power play, the Sharks charged in and pinged the puck off the goal post. Fernandez did everything but use breakdance moves to keep the puck out. The Wild seemed to be totally outplayed this period. Once again the Wild were outshot 10-12. And it was in this period the Sharks would tie the game. Niko Dimitrakos deflected the puck off of Andrei Zyuzin's skate. How could anyone expect the goalie to stop that? The period ended with the score tied at 1. It was during this break that the fans who were so overly confident were now quieting down. "Um....They'll be fine...yeah...fine," said the same guy who only one period before was screaming about the team's dominance.
When the Wild took the ice for the third period, it was obvious that Jacques Lemaire had spent the break screaming at them. They were moving quicker, grinding it out, and hitting hard. Just 2 minutes in, Derek Boogaard, the team's new Matt Johnson (if you've been a fan since the beginning, that makes sense), scored his first goal. Boogaard is huge. He's 6-7 for cripes sake. Most players aren't above 6'0" tall. Only a few minutes later, the flood gates would open. First, Chouinard scored a short-handed goal. Now giving up a goal is embarassing, but giving up a short-handed goal is down right shameful. For the uninitiated, a team is short-handed when the other team is on a power play. The team on the power play is supposed to score, not the penalty killing team. A short-handed goal means the team on the power play is playing sloppy. This was the case.
The Wild would score three more goals in the third period. Pierre Marc-Bouchard, Todd White, and Filip Kuba would all tally goals. The highlight of the period, however, would be Boogaard. He got his first goal, and at ten minutes, he and Rob Davison would drop the gloves and do the dance. Davison had no chance. Boogaard is bigger and has a longer reach. It looked a great deal like Mike Tyson and Peter McBride. Remember McBride? He was the guy who lasted about two minutes. It was like that, but on skates. In the end, the Wild had won 6-1, the crowd had their goal- and blood-thirst satiated, and everyone (but the Sharks) was happy.
Unfortunately, there weren't too many off-ice moments.
Tonight's "Let's Play Hockey" guest was George Gwozdecky. He's the coach of the University of Denver hockey team. The crowd, obviously largely made up of Gopher fans, was none too thrilled.
Boogaard got the second star of the game and was given louder cheers than Fernandez, who received the first.
No really stupid comments or anything from the fans tonight. However, someone did mention a shutout for Fernandez in-between the first and second period. What happens? No shutout. It's proven, kids.
The Wild are out of town until Tuesday, so no games for me.
5 down, 36 to go.

Ramblings for the Afternoon (10/19/05)

I took the day off. Partially for sanity, but really because I had to get blood work done at the hospital. I HATE the hospital, but we'll get to that.
So, without further ado (and keeping with the recent theme): LET'S GET PISSED!
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I HATE the hospital:
I've talked about this in a previous post. I really don't like hospitals or doctors. They're depressing and, due to ever changing insurance issues, most are losing that wonderful bed side manner. (Please note the sarcasm.) Now, I had to go and have blood drawn today in order to have it analyzed (the why is not important). So, armed with a form and an appointment, I headed to my clinic here in Robbinsdale.
The thing about this clinic is that if you have to wait (and inevitably you will...trust me), you will observe humanity at its best and (more likely) worst. Let me take you through my few hours (yes, I said hours...2 to be exact) at the clinic to enlighten.
I arrived to find a line at the check-in counter. There were six people in front of me and nine people sitting in the waiting area. Almost everyone was older and waiting for flu shots. As we stood in line, a man in a motorized scooter pulled up to the doors. A sign told him that the Handicap button wasn't working. He was alone. I turned to see NO ONE helping him. Not a single person moved to help this guy. So, I stepped out of line and opened the door for him and held it. After a quick, "Thank you," he sped off to another part of the clinic. When I tried to step back to where I was, the people who had been behind me told me to, "go to the back of the line." What does this tell us about humanity right now? Are we so utterly afraid of getting "The Bird Flu" that we can't spare a second to help someone? And if we go out of our way to help, people won't recognize it? I did what I was told. I made a comment about, "How wonderful it is to see Americans helping each other with little or no selfishness," but the irony (and the comment) pretty much fell on (possibly literally) deaf ears.
Once through the check-in line, I sit and wait. Some women play with their children, some people read, and one couple decides to have a very vocal fight about (and I'm not kidding) the cable bill. The entire waiting area learns that the older gentleman apparently ordered a porn flick. You don't want to watch. This is a private matter, and yet how do you not listen when they are screaming only feet from you? The best moment, however, was a woman who came in with her stroller, sat down, looked over at me, cocked her head like a puppy, and then got up, and walked over to a new seat on the other side of the room from me. There wasn't more room, just women in the other seats.
As I waited, I watched the same man on the motorized scooter try to leave. Again, no one helped him. How could no one move? He kept trying to open the door himself, but he couldn't. Once again, I helped him. What surprised me was his answer this time. He stopped, looked up at me, and said, "Thanks. Most people won't come near me. I'm surprised you did. Thanks for not ignoring me." What does that say about us? He's handicapped and ignored. What a wonderful world we live in at present.

After what felt like an eternity, I was called in by a nurse in order to have my blood drawn. Once again, my luck, as it were, continued. I met Tara, the nurse, who introduced me to Nancy, who would be taking my blood. Nancy, though she had a sweet face, had a look of uneasiness. Why? She's a nurse in training. That's right, I would be having my blood taken by a lady who had only done this...once before. Yee-haw...let the good times roll! Again, a very sweet girl, but a little unsure of herself. She tapped my arm a few times and then decided on outside vein. This vein had never been tapped before...EVER. So, she took a deep breath, counted to 3, and jammed the needle in to the vein. At first, no problem, the needle was in and the blood was flowing. Now, they have to take two cultures, which means she has to switch vials. Normally, no problem. For me (and it's always me), there's a problem. You see, when she went to switch the vials, she pushed the second one in too hard, and the needle went further into my arm. Tara, who had been watching this, starts saying, "Whoa! Nancy! Not so hard. Relax. Back it up a bit." I, on the other hand, am trying not to show the pain that I am now feeling (It's the macho, retrosexual male in me). When we're done, Nancy looks at me and says, "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" As compared to what? Having my toenails pulled out?
With a bandage on my arm, I left the hospital with pain going up and down my arm (not good) and feeling annoyed at the way people treat each other. I watched in horror as one woman pushed another out of the way to try and get her flu shot first. Does one minute make that much of a difference? Have we really fallen prey to the fears that media portray? "Get your shot now, or you'll DIE!" Fear makes us turn from civilized to primal. That's why fear is a great weapon. Oh and I still hate hospitals.
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How about a jump?
On my way back from the hospital, I stopped at a grocery store to grab a few things. Pulling in, I noticed a woman with the hood of her car up, and asking people for help. Every single person she asked either ignored her, or told her they couldn't help. Now, I do suffer from the White Knight Syndrome. Most men do. They want to ride in, save the day, and ride out. Any man who denies this is probably lying.
With that in mind, I went over to see if I could help. Turns out her car won't start. Hey, I have jumper cables in my car, and having driven to the store, obviously it works, so I offer to help. She was ecstatic. Every person who had come before me had blown her off. One guy told her to (and I quote), "Fuck off," and one gal said she would help if she had the cables. Well, this stranded woman actually had cables and told this gal, "I have the cables." The gal, was silent for a moment, and just said, "Well, that's nice. Good luck." How horrible is that?
So, I move my car over, set up the cables, and she tries it. We hear a clunking. It's not the battery. Her car radio is working, so she has power, but the car still won't start.
This woman (Brenda) is upset. She's on the verge of tears. I reassured her and asked her if there's anyone she can call. "I don't have my phone," she tells me. "My husband has it." So, I pull out my phone and tell her to call him. Then to call her mechanic. If you judged me from the look on her face, you would think I was insane. Here's this guy from out of the blue, and he's tried to help, and he's offering up his phone so you can make calls. In the modern world, this doesn't happen as much as you think. It's sad really. Much like at the hospital, modern society has become more introverted. We talk, but only via electronic communication. No longer do we look at each other in the eye and talk. Very rarely do we actually help each other. Look at Hurricane Katrina. At first, we were all united and giving. Two weeks later, we're sick of hearing about New Orleans. Maybe not everybody, but a great deal of people have moved on to the next thing. Let's see what happens with Wilma.
Back the story, however. I waited. I told her to get in my car (as I had heat), and we waited until the mechanic showed up. When he came, I left. I took of to finish my other errands. She offered me money for helping her, which I thought was so weird. I told her it's not about money. It's about helping each other. "The next time someone is in trouble, help them. Take that money and give it to a homeless guy." Again, that puppy look came out again. I could tell she thought I was either nuts or playing an angle. I nodded, told the mechanic to check the alternator, and I left. I noticed she watched me leave. She was probably wondering who the hell I was.
And finally....
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More Hockey (Get over it Worm!)
Yeah, there's a game tonight. The Wild will be playing against the San Jose Sharks, and, yes, I will be talking about it.
A former student has asked me to post about a story she heard me talking about, so I will be talking about it later.
Also, I will once again open up the Smurf Post for anyone who wants to comment on it (read the part with the poster).
Have a peachy day.

Cooling Off

I had a post. Blogger lost it.
I'm still angry.
Not sure yet how I'm going to dial it back. I've tried some of the things that used to cool me down, but they aren't working.
I'm still frustrated.
I still can't sleep.
They say the Snake gets all the lines. So why do I feel so empty-headed?
MEA is this week. Maybe I just need time.
Damn.

Anger and Arnold

It's a tough thing to realize.
I'm angry almost all the time now.
Why?
I feel like people are turning into sheep. No one thinks about anything anymore, they just hear it, accept it, and move on. I know not everyone is that way, but a majority of people are. I had a conversation with a class last week about questioning authority. Yes, I am a teacher, but I believe that students have to question. In order to better learn, they MUST question those who came before them.
I worry that they won't do this, or they won't do it correctly. There's a difference between having an informed opinion and just parroting what someone else said (such as a parent or celebrity).
I worry because one day I will be a father, and I don't want my child growing up in an Orwellian world. Sure, people (heck, even me sometimes) say we're there, but we aren't totally yet. I can question my government and not be arrested (all the time).
I'm angry, because I can't really talk to anyone about the way I feel. Most people just think that I'm overly philosophical or just plain crazy. "Who cares if no one thinks anymore? Doesn't that mean the world will run smoother?" Sure, Ignorance is bliss.
I'm angry, because I can't sleep through the night anymore, and I refuse to take a drug or anything. Honestly, I don't think it would help. I am a very light sleeper, thus when my cat drops his toy on the living room floor (one floor below me) I wake up. It's terrible. My sister thinks my chi is out of balance. I don't know.
When I can't sleep, I do things to occupy my mind. Sometimes it's reading, sometimes it's a puzzle or even cleaning, but sometimes it's watching TV.
A few nights ago, the Arnold Schwarzenegger film, The Running Man, was on late night cable. I honestly hadn't seen it since 1993 (though it came out in 1987).
What's amazing about the film is even though it came out almost 20 years ago, it actually showed where this country would go and may still go.
For those of you who haven't seen the film, this is the plot:
In the year 2017, the world's resources dried up. With nothing left, the governments of the world united to keep everyone under rule. The laws are simple and enforced with an iron fist. There's only one TV station, and it's programming is mostly reality television. The most popular show is "The Running Man" which has criminals trying to escape "Stalkers" in order to win freedom. It's the only form of entertainment. All other art is censored and banned.
Ben Richards (Arnie) is a former cop put in jail for not following orders during a food riot. After escaping from prison (along with some friends in "The Resistance), Arnie lays low, but is soon caught and given a choice: Either go on the show, or watch your friends do it and die. What choice does he have?
The host of the show, Killian (played by Richard Dawson in a role not to far from real life for him) double-crosses Richards and sends him and his friends into the "Game Zone."
Long story short, Arnie's pals die, he makes it to The Resistance and then broadcasts the truth about the game and life to the world. The film ends with Richards killing Killian using the rocket chairs that send the players into the Game Zone.
Now I know what you're thinking: "An Arnold Schwarzenegger film has insight into our world? You're nuts!"
Let's look at some of the aspects of the film:
Someone controls what you see and hear. Well, that's true. Look beyond, "If it bleeds, it leads," and you will see that our news stations talk about Iraq with music behind it and mass amounts of flippant remarks. It almost desensitizes the viewer.
The same can be said about Reality TV. Are we that far from a show called, "The Most Dangerous Game!" Ted Nugent leads five contestants on a hunt for a homeless man in the backwoods of West Virginia. Who will kill..."The Most Dangerous Game!"
Now all through the film, the host and directors of the show try to down play the fact that Richards is able to kill the Stalkers. They even try to turn him onto their side for ratings. Mark Burnett, the producer of Survivor apparently tells his camera crew, if the person is drowning, film it till the last second, then get someone to try and save them. THAT will sell. The sad part is he's absolutely right. Most of America would watch that. We watch and discuss, because it's not us.
To me, the most fascinating aspect of the audience in the film is how they cheer for the contestants' deaths, but are silent when the Stalkers die. Aren't we the same way? We cheer when the Nazi/Terrorist/bad guy dies in the film or even real life, but when the American/British/Counterterrorist/good guy gets killed, we mourn. Shouldn't all death be sad? Shouldn't we mourn for everyone? Networks use music, light, and every other trick to draw the viewer into that emotion. The Running Man shows this as well. As the show is winding down, they have sad music playing as they remember, "The fallen gladiators. The brave patriots."
The film plays on the Orwellian idea that there's no such thing as a utopia. Rather only distopia. If you get a chance, watch it with that in mind.
Is it a perfect film? Not by any means. This is a film where Mick Fleetwood (yes, THAT Mick Fleetwood) plays the leader of the resistance. You expect him to start banging on drums at any minute.
Richard Dawson chews the scenery, but he also spoofs his own popularity as the host of Family Feud. This was a man who was a little too touchy-feely and a little too-much of a know it all. Anyone who finds him annoying gets their revenge here.
Back to the subject at hand, however.
I'm angry, because I feel like we are slowly but surely turning into those audience members. They tell us, "Boo," and we scream. No questions asked. Is this a recent development? Oh hell no! This has gone on for a long time, but with TV becoming the main medium (say what you will, but more people watch TV than ANYTHING else now), it's becoming easier to control.
I will end with this. I know I have been picking on Christians alot lately. I'm sorry. I work with a few hardcore Christians who like to tell me everyday that I will burn in hell and that God hates me. He might. Who knows? I also have found that in my life, only Christians, not any other religion, have attacked my life choices and friends' life choices. Very vocally. Does this speak for all Christians? Of course not, but where are the ones who step up and say, "Hey that man's choice is his?" and why aren't they around to stop those who aren't acting nicely?
I'm sorry that I have pushed so much, but I'm not sorry for everything I have said. Some of it is true.
Maybe I've turned into the old Worm. Maybe I need to just stop and walk away and say screw it, because the world's not getting better in my view. It's starting to hurt to see how much my students are going to be burdened with, to see how much my child or my neice will be burdened with in the future.
I'm angry, and people just listen to what I say and tell me I'm wrong, or Un-American, or a horrible person.
I'm angry, because the people who read my blog leave me no real feedback except for the negative. You want to know why I write about the hockey games? People respond to it in a positive manner. Hell, they just respond. No one gave me anything about the Smurf poster. Nothing. How can you not have an opinion? Everyone is now a pundit.
I'm angry, because I feel like I work my ass off in the classroom, on my blog, and in life and it gets me nowhere.
I'm angry, because I just don't see the point of it all anymore. The light at the end of the tunnel is the #4 train coming to hit me.
I'm angry, because in a world full of sheep, I feel like a goat.
I'm angry, and I just don't know how to stop it.
Of course what do I know? I'm just a meaningless speck on the window of the universe. I could be wrong.

Mail Mondays (10/17/05)

Wow, so I got some intersting comments and emails this week. Some, I can use. Some...not so much.
So, let's get to those comments and mailings. (Remember, names are changed. )
I recently had a post on Ashley Smith and her (former?) drug habit. One astute reader commented by saying:
I remember they were mentioning Ashley Smith's problem with drugs, as though they were in the past in early stories. They also mentioned that she lost custody of her daughter due to her problems, right? So I wasn't all that shocked that she still had some around, but maybe that's just me. Do you think she should be arrested just to balance the scales of justice? Was being held hostage not enough?
Astute Reader
Here's the thing, A.R. It's not about the "balance" of justice. The problem I have is with your last statement. "Was being held hostage not enough?" Here's the thing: I truly feel bad that she was held hostage. Granted, for her trouble she received national attention, the thanks of the author of The Purpose Driven Life, and a big book deal. Now, here's the issue I have (and you may definitely feel free to disagree with me). If Smith had been a black woman, and she had been held hostage by a white man, and she had given him Crystal Meth, the country would have turned on her. It wouldn't have been, "Poor woman." No, they would have gone after her character for having the drugs. "Was being held hostage not enough?" Let me ask you this: A man in Oregon had terminal cancer and was in a lot of pain. He smoked Marijuana to help with that pain. He was arrested and even tried. Wasn't the fact that he was dying enough? Apparently not. If you use the "Wasn't X enough?" argument, then no one should blame Ted Kennedy for what happened at Chappaquiddick. I mean two (count 'em TWO) of his brother's were assassinated. Shouldn't we leave the poor man alone? Hasn't he suffered enough? Yet, there he is, the Republican's favorite target.
Wow, that means we can't pick on Cheney (Heart thing), Bush (He was an alcoholic), Clinton (He had heart surgery), or anyone else. "Was being held hostage not enough?" No. She is now revered in some parts of the Christian community, yet she used the wrong means to do it. They focused on the whole "God" aspect and sort of undercut the use of Crystal Meth. That's not ok. That's like saying, "Jesus is great, if you don't look at his sins." Huh? "Hey, Hitler had a radical way to help Germany...if you forget about his plan to kill all the Jews." If she wasn't a cute, blonde, white girl, this would not be playing out the way it is. Should she go to jail? No. Should she be considered a hero, however? Absolutely not. When the chips are down, she's a tweaker. Plain and simple. If you're supposedly clean, you shouldn't have it in your home. Period. Find me some people in AA who keep alcohol in their home. Seriously. Maybe there are, but those who I know tell me that the temptation would be too great, regardless of how strong your faith is.
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Another went all the way back to a previous post from the beginning of September. While the post was a rambling, this person concentrated on a statement I made about hypocritic Christians. Essentially, I believed (and still do) that it is hypocritical for any Chrisitan to say that Christianity has never been as extreme as Islam. This person's response is below:
Leab
I've never prayed to a pee stain. I've never given money to a guy on TV. But I haven't cut the head off of anyone for not being a Christian. yet. Sorry The islamist extremists are extreme. And its not hypocrysy to say so.
A Good Christian
Look, I'm not disagreeing that Islam has extremists. Nor am I saying that these extremists aren't extreme. What I want to get across is that Christians have the same. People pray to a cheese sandwhich that has a Virgin Mary on it. People give money to guys on TV that say, "I'm close with God, and I can get you close too...for $100." The difference is that we only focus on the Islamic extremists now. There are Muslim and Islamic people who aren't blowing people up, but we don't really hear about them.
As for Christianity, have you ever heard of the Inquisition? You need something more current? How about all of Catholicism. You are LITERALLY eating the body of Christ and LITERALLY drinking his blood. Look up transubstantiation. Yet, Jeffrey Dahmer was a monster? How about the Ku Klux Klan burning crosses in the name of God. Wait, how about the fact that the guys who dragged Matthew Shepard on the road were not only against homosexuals, but said God was too, so it's ok.
Every aspect of life has extremes. There are extreme sports fans, extreme political opinions, and extreme aspects of religion. It's a part of life. Christians may not blow up people yet (though hey, McVeigh did, and people might have cheered him if he hadn't killed children), but they will blow up an abortion clinic. Isn't that a little extreme?
Of course, what do I know? I believe Jesus would be great pot-head. I could be wrong.

Wild Vs. Ducks (10/16/05)

On the heels of their first home loss, the Wild were out for blood. Luckily the unfortunately named Mighty Ducks of Anaheim were in town. Though the Brothers Neidermayer are now playing for the Ducks, the rest of the team doesn't seem to be hustling. J.S. Giguere, once a total brick wall, is now a shell of a goalie. Perhaps they miss Martin Gerber now? Well, let's review the game.
Right off the bat, the Wild came out fast and furious. Almost six minutes in to the period, Brian Rolston slammed home a power play goal. Here's my first question: Why aren't the sports pundits coming out and apologizing to the team for such an underestimation? They have the league's top power play AND penalty kill. How about them apples?
Eight minutes later, on their second power play, Filip Kuba slapped in his first goal of the season off a Chouinard rebound. It's good to see Kuba getting his points. He is one of the longest tenured Wild players.
On the other side of the ice, Manny Fernandez (starting in place of Roloson) was superb. He faced 7 shots in the first period and pushed aside every single one. The highlight of the first period however was not a save or a goal. No, it was Derek Boogaard's two (count 'em: TWO!) fights. The first, with Kip Brennan, came right after a face off. Boogaard was able to whomp on Brennan until Brennan fell to the ice. The crowd exploded with cheers even louder than when the team scored. The Ducks, already down a goal, had their little bit of momentum taken away. Only 9 minutes later, Boogaard dropped the gloves again and started brawling with Todd Fedoruk. This time, the Duck player was able to pull Boogaard's jersey almost clean off, but showing that Wild enthusiasm and grit, Boogaard kept swinging even though he couldn't see. Fans were shouting directions at Derek. "He's on your left...YOUR LEFT!!!! Swing!!" Because he won both fights (and he really did), the momentum of the game was totally on the Wild's side.
The second period saw things slow down. The Wild got a goal from Bouchard (and Marc Chouinard got his third assist and point of the night) with seven minutes left in the period. Though he only saved five shots, Manny Fernandez was looking impressive and had people murmuring about a shut out (again, an old superstition: Never talk about the shutout. It's bad luck).
The third period was a big period for Manny Fernandez. After facing a combined 12 shots in the first two periods, Manny would face 17 shots in the third period. Once again, the Wild owned the period. Kyle Wanvig made it 4-0 about 4 minutes in to the period. Being that it was a rough day for most Minnesota sports fans (wow, don't those Vikings suck?), many were elated to see at least one team doing well. Others were so happy that they left early (for shame people). Sadly, with only a 14 seconds left, the Ducks were able to get a goal and end the shutout. Still, fans knew what an incredible game he had and gave him a well-deserved standing ovation. When the horn sounded, Minnesota fans saw their beloved Wild down those (Not-so) Mighty Ducks 4-1.
Interesting notes during the game:
The "Let's Play Hockey" moment was done by two players from the Minnesota Swarm. "The what?" you ask. The Minnesota Swarm...You know...The Lacrosse team...Hello? Ok, well, there's a Lacrosse team in this town now...Really.
In-between the first and second period, they had some pee-wee hockey action (by the Little Chippers, no less). One kid had a beautiful breakaway goal that had the crowd really cheering for him. Of course there were other fans screaming for the little tots to hit each other or start fighting. Though there was some (inadvertant) tripping, the game was clean. The best moment, however, came after it was finished. The Wild announcer brought out the kid who hit the breakaway goal. This was the conversation:
Wild Announcer: We have Jimmy, the star of the game, with us. Jimmy what were you thinking when you hit that breakaway goal?
Kid: What?
WA: When you hit that goal. What did you think about that?
K: What are you talking about?
WA: Well, nice playing Jimmy....
One fan astutely said, "Perhaps that wasn't the right kid?" (It turned out it wasn't.)
Another great moment came when the camera man found a fan in a Vikings jersey. Almost immediately the fans started booing. The fan turned bright red and quickly grabbed a hockey stick that read "Minnesota Wild." He then asked the camera guy to zoom in and held the stick up to the camera. Looks like the Vikings are in some hot water up here in the frozen north.
All in all, it was quite an exciting game on a sleepy Sunday evening.
I mentioned shutout superstition earlier. You see, you never talk about the shutout when it's happening. It's like a no-hitter. Halfway through the third period, several fans, including the guy next to me, began talking about how, "Manny's going to get his shutout." NO, NO, NO! You never talk about it. That's a gremlin. Ever see the film Forget Paris? You never say, "Piece of cake." Why? Because it will be anything but. Same with the shutout. "He's got it," said the fan. What happened? Goal! There goes the shutout.
Then again what do I know? I was the guy telling people, "Don't talk about his inevitable shutout." I could be wrong.
4 down, 37 to go.

Wild Vs. Canucks (10/14/05)

Wow, didn't this game already happen two days ago? Well, with the new scheduling in the NHL, rivalry teams (and teams within the division that have to travel far) will play against each other twice in a row. So, once again the Killer Whale Canucks stepped onto the ice at Xcel. Hopes were definitely high as the Wild had blanked the Canucks only two days earlier. With Roloson (and Cloutier) in goal again, things looked good. Unfortunately for Wild fans, no one can go undefeated at home....
For the first time this year, the crowd wasn't electric as the teams stepped on the ice. Sure, they cheered, but it wasn't like Wednesday night. Our boys played in their third jerseys (see right).
In the first period, it was all Canucks. Again, the total reverse of the game on Wednesday. The Wild gave up 13 shots and only took 1. Rollie the Goalie was on top of his game and only gave up a rebound goal to Anson Carter. At the end of the period, the fans are still optimistic that the Wild can come back. One of the guys in front me says, "The Wild do this all the time...no problem."
The second period saw a great deal of scoring. Walz bangs home the tying goal about 3 minutes in to the period. Derek Boogaard gets the first point of his career (congratulations). The Wild then get their first lead of the night on a power play goal by Bouchard. Still, the Canucks would keep coming back. They had an answer for every goal.
With the Wild up 2-1, Markus Naslund got the puck from Richard (Why did the Wild let me go) Park and fired a shot that went off of Scott Ferguson's skate and into the net. 2-2.
Park struck again 3 minutes later when he fired a long pass (that in the old NHL would have been a two-line pass) to Ryan Kesler. He fakes Roloson out of his skin and bangs the goal home up high. Two minutes later, however, the Wild are on a power play, and Brian Rolston lets loose his feared slap shot. The puck moves beyond the speed of light and gets by Cloutier (but doesn't pop out of the net through the back like when he was in Boston). Tied at 3, the period ends.
The third period, however, was all Canucks, all the time. Ricahrd Park put the game away for the Canucks with a beautiful wrist shot. If you've played and practiced with a goalie for a few years, it's not hard to get to know what he does right and wrong. Park knows Roloson's weaknesses, and it showed.
The absoultely worst part of the night, however, was the fifth Canuck goal. The (debatedly) most hated hockey player in Minnesota scores on an empty net. The fans who hadn't left (some had already...what's wrong with you?!) all boo in disgust and leave.
The final score is 5-3 Canucks. Former Wild man Richard Park is the first star with three hard-earned points. Remember: former Wild players Brunette and Park are who put Patrick Roy into retirement. Park is now on the Canucks, and Brunette is a member of the Avalanche.
There were also some interesting moments off the ice as well:
The "Let's Play Hockey" moment was done by Jeff Grayson. If you don't know who he is (and I honestly didn't), he hosts "Call of the Wild" on TV. No comments or allusions to Pawlenty tonight. Finally, a little over a week later, the whole thing is put to rest.
I, personally, knew we were doomed when the Wild went up 2-1 and some fans started saying, "Sieve." What did I say before, folks? If you do it at the wrong time, it jinxes your team. I was going to yell at these guys, but someone else who knew the whole process got to them before me.
Dutch Schnell...Goalie Racer. Yup, Goalie Racer. Only in Minnesota.
It's interesting to see how fast people can become fairweather fans. The Wild were losing, and the guys in front me start talking about the Vikings. Suddenly we're up two to one, and it's Wild, Wild, Wild. We the team was down 4-3, these guys said that if was that way with 10 minutes left, they would leave. It's one goal. What the hell are these guys thinking? And sure enough, they did leave, talking about the Bears and Vikings this weekend. Now, the Wild are pretty good this year. They've only played a few games, and they have a better record than Conference Finalist Calgary (take that Mike). If any of teams here lose a game, it's the end of the world. That's it for some of the fans. It's just not right.
Then again, what do I know? I'm the guy who thinks that the New York Rangers are still going to blow it. I could be wrong.
3 down, 38 to go.

Postponed

It has been a REALLY long day. So, due to, well, fatigue, I will be posting about the Wild game tomorrow.
Long story short, we lost.
Ok, until tomorrow.

Wild Vs. Canucks (10/12/05)

Great game. The Wild put the biscuit in the basket 6 times and Rollie the Goalie saved an incredible 33 shots for the shutout (two of those were without a stick as well).

Once again the Wild came out strong from the start. At three minutes into the period, the Wild were already on the powerplay when Zyuzin scored the first goal. Dan Cloutier, the Canucks goalie, (who will probably have a kink in his neck from the number of times he had to look in the goal to see the puck) was screened and unable to make the save. That would be the only scoring for the first period.

Many of the fans who had been to the first home game remembered that the Wild looked soft coming into the second period. Not tonight. The Wild came out hitting. Matt "Golden Boy" Foy showed that he was not only a hitter (blasting three Canucks), but also a scorer. With the Wild already up 2-0 thanks to a Chouinard goal, Foy banged home a powerplay goal to end the 2nd period scoring. This was his first ever career goal.

The thrid period, however, was the most exciting. Pierre Marc-Bouchard, who was called for diving (more on that later) came out of the penalty box to get tripped up while trying to score. You know what that means: Penalty Shot. The most exciting thing in a Hockey game. Everyone stood on their feet and cheered while Bouchard attacked the net. Using a beautious deke, he scored. Matt Foy would then get his 2nd goal of the game when he bounced the puck off the back of Cloutier. After Rolston made it a 6-0 game, the entire crowd was yelling, "Sieve!" Yet, for how badly Cloutier played, Roloson was amazing. He stopped every shot that came his way. He didn't misplay the puck once tonight.

Once again, there were some interesting aspects to the night both on and off the ice:

1. Joe Schmitt did the "Let's Play Hockey" moment. However, before he started, he made a comment about how, "The Governor showed me how to do this correctly." Many fans laughed at this.

2. There were some VERY questionable calls in tonight's game. The two linesmen and the two refs did not call several obstruction penalties on the Canucks. At one point, Bouchard was grabbed and thrown down by a Canuck player. He was called for Diving. It was a bad call. However, they made up for it with the penalty shot. Still, at one point Ruutu hit White in the face in front of a linesman and was not called for it. That's not ok.

3. Todd Bertuzzi. Everytime he touched the puck, the entire crowd booed. He is easily the most hated hockey player in Minnesota. They showed NO remorse. He even was jawing with some fans while he sat in the penalty box. The only person I have ever seen booed harder was Denis Potvin (if you know the Rangers/Islanders rivalry history, this will make sense).

4. Unruly fans...again. I had the same guys sitting in front of me again who tried to tell me to be quiet. I'm not kidding. I was cheering for Foy (see below), and one of them said to me, "You have to stop. You're too loud." Ok, if you don't want loud noises, don't go to the game. Instead of actually watching the game, these guys played with their cellphones. Ugh. Thankfully, the lady who didn't like me wasn't there tonight. Instead I got two very hardcore Wild fans (one of whom won the fan on the night). They were as loud as I was. Very cool.

5. Matt Foy. Our boy Foy scores the first two goals of his career. With Gaborik feeling better, I'm a little nervous that he'll get sent to Houston. However, if he can keep playing with this intensity, he's going to be a star. He can hit, score, pass, brawl. All he needed tonight was a fight, and he would have had the Gordie Howe Hat Trick (a goal, a penalty, and a fight). Congratulations Matt on your first two goals. Now, hit Bertuzzi harder on Friday.

There's just something about when the Wild play at home. They play harder and better. Then again, what do I know? I was the guy cheering too loudly in Section 222. I could be wrong.

2 down, 39 to go.

Fascinating

So, here's what so interesting to me:
A lot of my usual readers...have shuffled off to greener pastures. Granted, I now have people reading me in places I would never suspect (Honolulu?).
The other thing that fascinates me is that no one comments on the things I would expect. A few posts back I gave a lovely story about my posterior and the new mail person's hand. Nothing.
I put out the Smurf poster...nothing.
It just goes to show: You can't always predict what your readers want to see.
Off to see Wild/Vancouver tonight.

Damn You, SPAMMERS!

SIIIIGGGHHH!
I gave up folks. I went back over all of my posts and erased ALL THE SPAM COMMENTS. Do you know how many I had? 39. 39!!!! OY VEY!
So, though I tried so hard to be optimistic (which is tough for me), I gave up. I have attached word verification to my comment section.
Sorry that you have to do extra work now, but it was necessary.

God's Ok with Meth

Sigh.
So Ashley Smith originally said that she used God to stop her captor...and we believed her. Now, she says she also gave Brian Nichols some Crystal Meth to, "Calm him down." Uh-huh. Remind me, isn't Crystal Meth a horrible drug? Isn't this country at war with drugs? Shouldn't this woman now be punished because of her owning these drugs? Sure, she was held hostage, and she got a huge book deal out of it. Meanwhile, people dying of Cancer who smoke Marijuana can be arrested. Now, I don't know about you, but if she doesn't get in trouble for any of this, then there's a major problem. Either that, or it means that God is ok with Meth. God is apparently not ok with Alcholism (see AA), nor is he ok with other real substance abuse. Yet, this woman, who talked about how a certain book (no free plug for it here) and God helped her. Oh yeah and Meth too. So, this means that if I do Meth, I can still go to Heaven. Loop hole! Hoo-rah! Seriously though, if she is continued to be championed by people for being a great Chrisitan even though she used temptation to free herself, then it is more proof that religion is a crock that is now more about politics than spirit. In certain cultures, people will take a form of LSD in order to see God. Most Christians in this country look at that and say, "Oh that's uncivilized. If you truly believe in God, then you don't need drugs in order to see or feel him." Am I abdicating taking drugs? No, but I'm so sick of people bitching about how Marijuana is SO bad, and yet this woman who gave Crystal Meth (and let me tell you something, Meth is considered the WORST American-made drug now, because it's easy to make, easy to move, and when you're poor, it's cheap to have) is considered a wonderful Christian. You know what: The next time someone asks me, "What would Jesus do?" I'm going to respond, "Pot." Why? Because Meth can either calm you down or crank you up. Don't believe me, need something you can see? Go watch the film The Salton Sea, and you'll understand why tweakers are so crazy. I've never seen someone on Marijuana rip a desk in half. I've seen a tweaker do it. So, knowing how laid back Jesus was and how he had random comments about life, maybe, just maybe, Jesus was a pothead.
Then again, what do I know? I'm in the corner arguing with Vincent Van Gogh's self-portrait after taking a tab. I could be wrong.

Two Gays and a Jew Walk into City Hall...

(Before you question the title, read the blog.)
If you have been reading my blog since I began, then you know that the man on the left is my father. Yes, we (in my family) talk about how he is probably a secret agent for the American government (I mean the man is friends with spies, for cripes sake!), a brilliant professor, a caring father and husband, and, though I haven't mentioned this before, a pretty gruff Republican.
Though he looks pretty harmless, this not-so-mild mannered history professor was the former treasurer of the Republican Town Committee. He's also a high church Jew. What's that you ask? Well, my father is a pretty good with his faith, but there are no real synagogues near where they live now. So, he goes to the Episcopal church with my mother. As everyone else around him prays and follows the sermon, he reads the Bible. "It's chockful of sex, violence, and more," he's always told me. But that's not the point. Now, this is a man who I still look up to, even though he talks about how slavery could be returned (though not with a race aspect, more of a class aspect....Long story). So, what is about to happen is, to me, quite amazing.
My father is a Justice of the Peace. He ran unopposed in the town where my parents now live. (A small town called Washington which is just inside Connecticut.) As a Justice of the Peace, he can notorize documents (oh the power!), and he can marry people. You'll recall he and his wife were married in a civil union at city hall instead of at a wedding. Well, this man, a gruff Republican as it were, is going to be performing one of Connecticut's first gay civil unions. That's right: he's marrying two guys. Now, whatever you think of gay marriage, I am proud of my father. He is going against something he believes and is doing this act for a friend. Connecticut put this act of civil unions in effect only a few days ago, yet he has already been asked to do this. Is he worried? Actually yes. He's worried that he will become known as the gay-marrying JOP (or Justice of the Peace). I still think that he should get an Elvis, put in a drive-thru, and marry people Vegas-style. I'm proud of my father, because he is able to do something that many Americans cannot do presently: He is able to put aside feelings and do things with people who disagree with his views. He doesn't sit there and say, "You either think my way, or I'm outta here." Nope. He is one of the only Jews at Seton Hall University (a Catholic university), so he is able to do this. Perhaps we could all learn a lesson from him.
Then again what do I know? I voted for a guy with the last name "Hooker" for the Robbinsdale School Board, because I wanted to tell people, "I put a Hooker on the school board," and watch their reactions. I could be wrong.

Ramblings for the Evening (10/11/05)

It's a funny thing. My wife is in and out of town almost all the time now. She came back from Boston, then we went to Detroit, now she's in Boston again. I'm starting to feel like Kim Jong Il in Team America. So without further ado: "I'm so ronrey...so ronrey." (If you've seen the film, you get it. No, it's not racist.)
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Monkeys:
I've been thinking alot about monkeys lately. First, there was an escaped monkey in Detroit. Then I read Worm's post about Infinite Monkeys (Having seen that some scientist tried to see if monkeys with typewriters can make sense, I'm just more depressed about it. Bye and bye, the monkeys just pooped on the typewriters). Then my wife and I reminisced about the last time we went to the zoo. We decided to go to the Como Zoo. Yes, I know that zoos can be cruel and unusual punishment for animals, but they also allow children and adults to see animals up close that they may not see otherwise. Anywho, we headed to see the monkeys. Now, when we were living in Missouri (during college) we saw monkeys that actually flung their poop at people. It wasn't us, so it was funny (which is the crux of life, folks). These monkeys couldn't do that (there was glass in-between us), but while my wife and I were standing there, one of the monkeys (and I believe it was a Debrazza Monkey) was following my wife and kept trying to get her attention. It talking at her and following her where she walked. Now, being the good person that she is, Mrs. Leab stepped up to the glass and gave the monkey some nice comments ("How cute, etc"). Well, Mr. Monkey sure liked that, as he stood up and started pleasing himself. Yup, Monkey Masturbation. Anyone who needs proof that monkeys and man share a history, there it is.
So, we're laughing very hard, a older woman near us is making the Minnesota "Oooh" noise, and some parents are trying to rush their children out of there. The kids, at the same time, are asking, "What's he doing, daddy?"
To this day, I love that monkey.
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Michele:
I haven't heard from Michele in forever. I'm kinda sad. Really.
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Angry Alien:
If you're a regular reader of this little ole blog, then you know I love random websites that are amusing. This here website is quite funny. In essence, the author took famous movies, cut them down to 30 seconds...and added bunnies. Seriously. Check it out. Then, when you're done, go check out Happy Tree Friends, which I've pimped in a previous post. Deliciously disgusting and quite funny.
And finally....
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Death of the Smurfs:
Though quite a horrific looking scene, there's something kind of...funny about the idea that the Smurfs being ravaged by war. This picture comes from a UNICEF campaign on Belgian TV to teach kids that war can happen in even the most innocent places. Smurfette dies (meaning the village probably won't be creating any...new Smurfs for a while) and other Smurfs lose limbs. Now, why the Smurfs in Belgium? Well, The Smurfs were created by a Belgian artist named Peyo, so UNICEF figured that the national creation might speak to Belgians more than celebrities. (Quick, name three Belgian celebrities....) So, here are your questions class:
1. If you were going to use cartoon characters to illustrate a point about a social or political problem, who do you use and why? Now, some rules. You may not use Scooby-Doo and Shaggy for anti-Marijuana ads. That's just too easy. Notice I only said Marijuana.... Secondly, nothing too horrible. What's too horrible? Well, that's in the eye of the beholder...wink...wink.
2. Is this ad campaign going to work at all?
3. Could a campaign like this work here in America?
Send me your answers either using the comments section or to my email (see any Mail Monday, such as yesterday's to get it).
Have a good evening folks.

Mail Mondays (10/10/05)

I'm back from Detroit. It was...well...Detroit.
There isn't a a great deal of mail this week, so let's just get to it.
This letter came from a reader who honestly appeared (at first) to be a spammer. However, after reading through it, I came to learn that it was, in fact, a real person.
Dear I.T.
I really like your blog. (At this point, I'm thinking "Yup, spam...sigh.") You're idea of "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of the Inane" is quite inspiring. I was curious about a few things:
1. How do you come up with some of your ideas?
2. How long have you been married and what's your wife like?
Keep up the good work. It's fun to read.
Shun Tai
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I have no idea who or what Shun Tai is. It could be someone I know, it might not be. Like the name though. So let me answer your questions:
1. My ideas: Well, most of them come from my sad little life. Seriously. I also try to see how my family and friends live their lives and attach what they've done to real life lessons. Though, you'll notice, I don't really talk about my sisters that often or....
2. My wife: The sunshine in my often grey world. I love my wife. I've talked about our first date, but I don't know that I've talked about marriage. We will have been married 5 years this upcoming March. She's great. I am very much an intense person, and she balances me. I won't post a picture, because she has asked me not to (there are times when she says, "Oh God, please don't talk about me," but I don't listen).
What is my wife like? She's a much better version of me...with her own sense of being and humor.
Well, that will do it for this week's Mail Mondays. Feel free to write in anytime to ironicteachings@hotmail.com or just leave a comment.

Wild Vs. Flames (10/5/05) (Update)

Yes, I'm putting in an update to my post. I forgot to mention a few more things.
1. As we were preparing to enter the Xcel, my wife and I were forced down to shift to a different path because of the way the crowd was moving. As we worked toward the door, I accidentally bumped into this guy wearing a black Wild practice jersey. I had a good 30 pounds on him so he stumbled into the wall. I apologized, and he turned on me quickly, looked me up and down, and said, "That's fine. Just try to be more careful in the future." He then paused as if I was supposed to ask him something. I just said, "Yeah, I'm really sorry. Wasn't paying attention, just too excited, sir." "I understand," he repsonded and then smoothed out his hair and went on his way.
My wife told me this morning that the guy I bumped into was...St. Paul Mayor Randy Kelly. Yes, I knocked the Mayor into a wall totally by accident. She knew it was him because in-between the first and second period, Mayor Kelly presented the signed "State of Hockey" flag to the crowd (I was in the line in the men's room...the men's room, folks). The funny thing is that, according to her, "A lot of the people who were watching him, booed him when he was announced. What's that about?" I explained it to her this morning.
2. KQRS played a clip of Pawlenty's gaffe at last night's game. Usually I don't like to do this, but I would like to point out that you heard it from me first. Like I said, usually I don't dig for credit, but this is one time where KQ is saying, "You heard it from us first." Nope. Check the time log. 10:38 last night. I had it first.
3. Several networks were shocked (SHOCKED I TELL YOU) at how well the Wild contained the Flames. Apparently, CBC (Canadien Broadcasting) and TSN thought it would be a slaughter. My brother-in-law, who gets really into the Flames (he's the Flamer, remember?) was so angry, he almost ripped the arm off his chair. All I have is...HAHAHAHAHA.

Ok, folks, I am on my way to Detroit and will be there until Sunday. So have a great weekend.