Ramblings for the Evening (11/18/05)

It's Friday night. When I was in college, I would be partying at this time of night. Now, I sit here at my computer wondering why I can't get to sleep. My wife, who still isn't feeling well, is passed out cold. Not me. Granted, when I was in college, I had mastered the four hour night. Go to bed at 3 and wake up at 7. No pain. Guess it caught up to me. Of course that six day experiment with no sleep didn't help much.
Might as well get to the rambles.
So, without further ado: BRONCO BILLY!
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Songs to the Key of Me:
A student asked me what song truly represents who I am. Now, first of all, there cannot be one song to describe a person. There can be one song at the time, but we feel different things at different times of the day. This is one reason why, during my student teaching, I had the Senior English class create The Soundtrack of Your Life. In essence, the students had to pick no less than five songs, explain how the song speaks to their life, and then choose lyrics from the song to illustrate the point (teachers: feel free to crib. It's what we do). The students got into that assignment. It made up for making them read The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka...or so I was told.
Anyway, the second point is that when the pressure is applied, it can be hard to boil your life down to one song. However, because I haven't been able to sleep, the perfect song came right into my head: "Overkill" by Men at Work. Do you know this song? If not, the lyrics are below. Discussion will continue after the song.
I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it’s just my imagination
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Come back another day
Alone between the sheets
Only brings exasperation
It’s time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there’s pretty lights
And though there’s little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
I can’t get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
It’s just overkill
Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away
Now, except for the part about being alone in the sheets (as my wife is asleep there. However, not wanting to wake her up, I wait till she passes out and then I sneak away to continue my insomnia).
If this song is my representation (and I only thought of it because of the opening line) then it means I worry about things I can't fix. It's true that I do. Though I would never admit to them personally, I worry about my students alot. Some of them don't realize how great they are, how smart they are, or even how talented they are. Some have a screwed up view of the world that has no real basis. I could go on and on.
I worry about my wife, of course.
I worry about my family members.
I think really random thoughts when I can't sleep as well (more on that later).
I've said this before. My brain is like a radio that gets four stations in clearly all at once, and I can understand each station all the time. It's really weird.
So, let me open this up to you, my dear readers. What are three songs that represent who you are right now? Give it some thought before you answer.
And don't worry about me. As the man says, "I'm not dead yet. I feel happy."
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Leab, Psychologist...For Free:
I ended up playing psychologist again today. I know there are people and students who get so pissed at me when I do that, but you know what? As much as you don't want to admit it: I'm usually right. That's what happens when you've gone through Hell, seen people go through Hell, and guided people back from Hell.
Anyway, I bought some windows tonight. (I know, seems like a weird segue, but it comes back.) The guy (I won't use his name or the company name) shows up at my house to do some measurements and to talk to me about payment (I managed to haggle the price way down...it was a good night for me in the saving money department). We sit in my kitchen and start talking. Now, I've met him before and remembered some information he told me about his kid, his wife, and such. I ask him how all that's going, and suddenly he's my patient. He starts telling me about how his co-workers attack him for his political and religious beliefs (he's the only Liberal and the only Jew where he works), how he's unhappy with the direction of the world (COUGH--TOM--COUGH), and more. A quick 15 minute visit became an hour. 60 minutes while I tried to help him sort his feelings. This is happening to me more and more. One of my students told me I should be a counselor. I don't think so. I like helping people, but sometimes I hear these problems and...well...I don't think they're real problems. If you don't like the Goldfish your mom bought you, just tell her. She won't die or hate you because of it. Come on.
Still, it makes me wonder if this thing is passed on from generation to generation. My father has this same problem. He goes to the post office and some schmuck comes to him for advice. It's weird.
Sometimes, though, people really don't want help. They just want someone to reiterate the beliefs they have back at them. Let's try to make that less vague. Person A belives Democracy is going down the toilet. Others disagree. They tell someone, "I believe that Democracy is dying." Person B then says, "Ok, you believe Democracy is dying." Person A now has heard their belief made concrete. It has been reiterated to them. Make sense?
Maybe not. I AM rambling here.
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Random Insomnia Thoughts:
-Who decides what the "it" toy for the Holiday is. Are there a bunch of kids who play with these things and say, "I want that all the time," and thus the publicity is born? Is it adults trying to think like children?
-History is cyclical...unfortunately. Having seen Good Night, and Good Luck, it's amazing to me how much our society now is starting to look like America in the 1950s. Look out...your neighbor MAY BE A TERRORIST. Check the threat level! Anyone who disagrees with this is UN-AMERICAN!
-If a dog and a cat have a close relationship, is that like a gay couple in the animal world? Or is it more like a rich uptown/person from the wrong side of the tracks relationship?
-Why aren't there more new Rabbi/Priest jokes?
-Why can't the government just give us an even number for stamps? 39 cents? Come on. Just make it 40 cents now and leave us alone for awhile. A sheet of stamps would be a straight 8 dollars. That works for me. Now were looking at $7.80. Great, I get change back that's both bills AND coins. Not cool, U.S. Postal service. And why can't I give my postman money at Christmas? I can give a doorman, sanitation worker, even a cop money at Holiday time. Why not a postal worker. They deserve it now.
-Why is that fashion went back to the 60s, 70s, and 80s, but not to the 40s when everyone dressed really nicely?
-If emotions are nothing more than an amino acid, then it would be really easy to inhibit them with a drug...hence anti-depression medication.
-Why is it that countries like Germany and Ireland, which have such great beers, come here and drink Budweiser? It makes no sense to me.
This last one actually happened tonight, so it's funny that I was thinking about it.
-If you go to a restaurant and remember information that the wait staff has given you (what they're studying, funny stories, etc) does that mean you're flirting or just a nice guy?
Personally I want to know as the girl at the Greek place thought I was flirting with her, because I remembered she dropped out of Law School. I was just being nice. How is that flirting?
Believe me, I got ALOT more. I'll wait, however.
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Nastygrams:
Like Mr. DeRusha, I get some pretty interesting hatemail here. Sure, I'm not a TV reporter, but I apparently write things people don't like (and some of you still don't get that the whole Sherno thing was and still is a joke).
Still, let's not pick on DeRusha for reporting on the Sex show, ok? He's doing his job, and his joke about "sex in the middle" was funny.
You can send hatemail to me all you want, but let's try not to hate a reporter for...oh...I don't know...doing his job.
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Contact from the Slanderous One:
I spoke with the Slanderizer. Slanderous Minneapolis will return soon, but I have been given the ok to have slander once a week until SM returns. Look for a Vascellaro story next week (your turn is coming J.D....It's coming. Ok, just kidding. You I can stand).
And finally:
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Loving my Readers:
Sure, I get hatemail, but I know there are also a few of you out here who check in to see what ole crazy here is spouting today. I appreciate it. Whether it's Sherye and D.J. down in Bama (Roll Tide!), or the "crew" in Hawaii, I'm glad something I have to say either makes you think, laugh, or just be pissed (and for you Brits, that's the anger, not the drunkeness, though I wish I could do that with words).
So here's a toast to you, my dear readers. May you be healthy, wealthy, and wise.
Prost!
Until Monday, Guten Nacht.

And Now...A New Edition

Ok, I don't know about you, but I miss Slanderous Minneapolis. The Slanderizer is great at using the Twin Cities as a base and creating fantastic and funny stories. It's been awhile since the last entry. So, until Slanderizer returns with new material, I will dedicate my Thursdays to slander around the Twin Cities. Sure, it won't be as funny as Slanderous Minneapolis, but I'll give it the college try. So, I present:
Slander a la Leab
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War Between Malls Looms
Bloomington-
Ever since it opened, millions upon millions of people have visited The Mall of America, a shining beacon of Capitalism headquartered here in the "third city" of the Twin Cities. On average, the Mall draws about 40 million people per year. That's more than Disneyland, Graceland, AND the Grand Canyon combined. It is, in fact, the largest mall in America, but not the world.
In the city of Edmonton lies the West Edmonton Mall, or the Mall of Canada to most Canadians. This mall has over 800 stores, 110 places to eat, AND the world's largest indoor wave pool (but only 1 Starbucks. How...strange).
Ever since the West Ed mall added on, the MOA has been acting like a jealous teenager. "Oh he thinks he's soooo great,' MOA was heard saying. Just wait till I get that casino and hotel, then I'll add a skyway over to Ikea. Then I'LL be the biggest mall...IN THE WORLD!"
Not to be outdone, the MOC lashed back.
"What did that hoser say? Oh, I should check MOA into the boards for giving me a skull cramp. He wouldn't last a second here in the harsh climate of Alberta. It takes a real mall to cater to the water park AND the shopping crowd. I need a Molson. Whatever MOA thinks it can do, I can do better AND cheaper."
Upon hearing this our beloved Minnesota mall was set into a frenzy.
"That bitch. Oh it's so on now. SO ON! I was able to bitch slap the Palisades in Nyack, New York when it thought it would be bigger, and this little 'strip mall' won't be a problem either. Here's what I want you to tell my 'friend' to the north. We have places where families can still go. The fact that he has a restaurant called 'Mounties' where half-naked women serve food dressed at Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) ON HORSES. How is that sanitary? HORSES, IN A RESTAURANT. What the hell are those Canadians thinking?"
Insiders say that the war of words may elevate from minor taunting until someone "gets served." Only time will tell.
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And as a bonus:
This just in:
To all residents of Minnesota. My sources tell me that Don Shelby has lost a bet with Jason DeRusha. While discussing the Sex and So Much More show happening right now, The Don made a bet with J.D about the number of films special guest Ron Jeremy has appeared in. After a tense debate and much fact-checking, it turned out that DeRusha had the exact number (928)while Shelby was 42 off. The fact that DeRusha knew this number worries this reporter, but Jason seems like a very intelligent man with intricate knowledge of the strange.
Due to the fact that The Don lost this bet, he has to appear at the show this weekend and be around the Twin Cities all day when not in the convention center. What's worse (for Mr. Shelby anyway) is that the specifics of the bet have become even more clear: Mr. Shelby cannot complain if anyone hugs him or asks him, "Got Milk?"
So, if you see Don Shelby this weekend, feel free to yell, "Got Milk?" at him, or, do what this reporter is going to, and hug him. He looks like he needs a good hug.
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Like I said, not as good as the Slanderizer, but I'm trying.
See you all tomorrow...I hope.

Michele Says

Twin Cities Blogger gathering. Saturday night (say 7:30 or so) Psycho Suzi's. If you can make it, be there. Oh, and the guest of honor is Michele, so do something nice for her (buying drinks works).
'Nuff said.

Ramblings for the Evening (11/16/05)

So tired. What's worse is that my wife is having problems sleeping as well. There's nothing worse than just lying there and then hearing, "You awake, too?" Makes me feel guilty.
Best moment of the day? Trying to explain to someone what the term, "Good job," means.
"Is it great?"
"No, it's a good job."
"What would have made it great?"
"Well, no mistakes."
"Wouldn't it have been excellent then?"
"Do you want me to say 'Ok job' chief?"
"Nooooo."
"Then stop talking and take your 8 out of 10."
Well let's get to it.
So, without further ado: WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?
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No Movies in Class:
A buddy of mine sent me this article, and it really pissed me off. Now, I can see both sides of this argument (which I will show here), but overall this is absolutely stupid. The teacher is showing a historical film. One that is used in college classes to give students an idea of the Elizabethan Era. Yes, it is R-rated, but so is Schindler's List, a film shown freely in most classes, because it deals with a the Holocaust in a frank manner (no pun intended Anne Frank fans). If you refuse to read the article, an English teacher in Georgia showed the film Elizabeth to his senior AP English class. Once discovered, he was given five minutes to either resign or be fired. Where's the choice? No chance to defend himself, just leave or be tossed. However, I said I would look at this objectively, so:

Pros
Gives a visual to the Era
Gives an honest look at the Era

Cons
Allows students to NOT use their imagination
Gives an honest look at the Era

Beyond that, if you have any students under the age of 17, you have to have parental permission. This can be done with a simple permission slip that is signed by the parents. If he didn't have them, AND he had underage students, the school has an argument, BUT come on. This is a film designed to show how Elizabeth came to power, ruled, and then left power. It's history and helps set up the period writings. We let Herr Schindler go, because it depicts a dark time in a very realistic way. We'll let kids see Nazis kill the Jews, but one naked butt in the Elizabethan period and it's off with his head? If a history teacher ever wants to give visual aid to the McCarthy Era, can she or he no show Good Night, and Good Luck? This would help the students visualize Murrow's struggles. Double standard indeed.
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Rap vs. Country for America's Morals:
So I was listening to CNN at around two or three in the morning. Again: couldn't sleep. They bring on this guy (couldn't tell you his name to save my life) to talk about Country Music and the Country Music Awards in NY last night (because New York just SCREAMS Country Music, right?). Anyway, this guy starts talking about how Country Music is American music, etc, etc, and then he starts talking (no lie) about how Country is filled with moralistic songs that teach people the right way to live, "unlike Rap or Hip-Hop, which teaches kids to be thugs and kill each other." He went on to talk about how Hip-Hop promotes rape and all sorts of other un-American and non-moralistic activities. Fine, that's his opinion. Here's my problem.
I agree that some rap artists promote some not so good ideas (such as killing a guy for his money, slapping your bitch up, etc.), however you cannot say that Country music, as a whole, promotes "totally wholesome ideas." For every "pimp" that comes out of hip-hop, there's the guy in country who sings a song (oh, let's say Toby Keith, for instance) about a guy who's mad at his girlfriend, so he sleeps with a waitress. Wow, that's chock full o' morals. Just because the Black Eyed Peas have a song called "My Humps" (which is about that part of ladies that most men look at right away) doesn't mean they're destroying America. Last night's big winner was Lee Ann Womack for her song, "I May Hate Myself in the Morning." Essentially, her song is about a woman who is lonely so she decides to sleep with her ex. Hey, that's a great "moral lesson". I'm lonely, so even though I'll regret, I should get it on with my ex.
Look, I have no problem admitting that some Rap or Hip-Hop is not necessarily life-afirming, but neither is alot of Country Music. Don't try to sell me on that.
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Tis the Season...Sigh:
I am not a huge fan of the "holiday season." Not because of the religious aspects (I couldn't care less about that), and not, as so many like to believe about people who don't like the holidays, because of my family. No, I hate this time of year because sensible people are infused with mob mentality. People who normally make sense and act calm will beat each other in order to get that on sale item or get the "COOL, NEW ITEM" such as this year's "it" item: the upside-down Christmas tree. Now, I'm of two minds of this little baby. Part of me says, "Sure it makes sense. More presents can fit (I mean we are a materialistic society), and if you have to put it near furniture, it will take up less room. It's something different from the usual trees, and, if you believe Christmas trees are a religious symbol, this literally turns the religious symbolism upside-down. This tree could be used for Chanukkah or Kwanzaa.
So what's the problem with it? A cheap one costs $300. That's just the beginning. It really IS designed to fit more presents under it. That's not really fitting into the spirit of the holiday, and THAT is my main problem: We have seriously lost the meaning of this holiday. This holiday has become more about finding the perfect gift than anything else. Instead of, "Merry Christmas," we should just shout, "Happy Give Me What I Want Day!"
There are other issues, of course. I was at JoAnn Fabrics over in "The Grove" (That's for you, DeRusha. It is your hood.), and started looking through the holiday aisles while waiting for my pictures I had framed (they were searching for them). There was nothing for Kwanzaa. Ok, because it's a holiday that was recognized starting in 1969, I guess I can understand that, but what amazed me was 1 aisle for Chanukkah. One measly aisle. And in that aisle? Well there were menoras...and...that's it. What surprised me was when I asked one of the associates (or workers) about the lack of Chanukkah stuff.
"Where's the rest of your Chanukkah decorations?"
"This is it, sir."
"There are...(I count) eight aisles of Christmas decorations, and only one aisle of Chanukkah stuff? Interesting."
"Well we do have blue and silver decorations over here."
She leads me to an area with a giant sign that reads, "Winter Decorations" and says, "This should work. I mean, blue and silver are the Chanukkah colors, right?"
I had no answer. What would you say? "Hey, thanks. Good stuff....Yeah."
I just don't like this time of year, because women will trample each other at 6 AM at a Wal-Mart just to save five dollars. The spirit of goodwill seems to disappear very quickly and instead of helping each other, we attack each other.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Little Jimmy Gets Math...and Smack:
A 5 year old kindergartner in Pennsylvania was in trouble when he arrived at school with 8 bags (EIGHT, folks) of Heroin. First of all, I hope that kid was getting good money from the teachers. Ok, ok. In all seriousness, what is amazing to me is not that the kid had the drugs, but the fact that after he was caught with them, the school was unsure of what to do. They waited almost three weeks before confronting the parents. This tells me that the school's lawyer must have been on vacation. You have to feel bad for this kid as well, because he's going to need a Parole Officer until he graduates from college. I work with kids now who are freshman and have P.Os.
And finally:
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Sex Bomb:
Tomorrow begins the Sex and So Much More show. There's controversy from people who think it's "just horrible" that this show is occuring. As if, oh I don't know, people shouldn't know about SEX. Eeeeek!
On a separate note, anyone notice how excited (pun intended) DeRusha is to cover this thing? It's a little scary.
Ok, I'm just kidding. Scary is the WCCO commercial with Don Shelby (AKA The Don) drinking organic milk like a fiend. How many takes did he do, I wonder. Did he get bored and whip the milk at someone? Did he diva out?
Ok, I'm out for the night. Until tomorrow.

Insomnia: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore!

This hurts.
I got into my nice cozy bed about two hours ago.
The sheets were slightly chilled, but the warmth of the down comforter on top made it balance out almost perfectly. There was no noise, no light, and everything was set for a perfect night sleep.
So why am I writing at 1-something in the morning? Because Insomnia robs me of sleep.
I wish it were more like the song:
"Love...unrequited...robs me of my sleep at night."
Unfortunately for me, the very person I love is next to me in bed, so it cannot be that.
I'm not sure what's keeping me up now.
There's a set of rules they give to insomniacs to help them sleep. These include:
-No exercise after 5 PM. No problem. I can work out after school.
-No Caffeine after 4 PM. Again, no problem. I seem to be prefering water lately. Plus, I don't really like coffee. I know, I'm Un-American. Get over it.
-No stimulation before bed. Here's what that includes:
No TV
No Reading
No Sex or bedroom related activities (which is strange, because wouldn't that tire you out to sleep?)
No Exercise (covered that already)
No Eating (Um, who needs the nightmares?)
No Stressful activity (this includes any work, but as a teacher, you work until your eyes scream, "NO MORE!"
-If you still can't sleep, you can try a glass of warm milk. Isn't this essentially eating? Plus, it's liquid. You down a bunch of liquid and go to bed, you're asking to for your body to wake you up to head to the bathroom.
-Get plenty of sunlight. This one is my favorite. Up here in the Nord (yes, purposely misspelled), the sun kinda leaves for a long time. Add to that that I go to work before sunrise and leave with little time left before sunset...I get no sun. However, I am not dropping $200 to have a visor that simulates sunlight. It's not the same. No matter what you say. It's not the same. I also don't understand how sunlight helps me sleep. Seriously. I need it to be dark to sleep. My bedroom now has blackout curtains which make it pitch black. Yet here I am...typing away.
These rules seem kinda arbitrary. Don't read in bed. Ok, but when my wife reads, she passes out cold. I end up having to slide the bookmark in, close the book, and turn off the light for her. It's kinda cute. Me, I end up reading the whole three hundred page book in one sitting.
My favorite thing on Web MD about Insomnia is the section about Exams and Tests. Gee. How should I test for Insomnia. How about it's after 1:20, and I'm awake. (Yes, I type fast. Get over it.)
I know I'm not alone, but man, this is a bad time for Insomnia.
Maybe ranting will help.
I should go find out.
One last note: I see in my last post that I wrote "No ramblings for tomorrow." Addendum: It should be until tomorrow, or at this point 14 hours or so from now.
Hope you all are sleeping well.

Busy

Sorry, boys and girls, but I'm really busy tonight.
No ramblings for tomorrow.
However, we will be discussing Rap & Country Music vs. "moral values", Neighborly advice, and more.
Hope to see you tomorrow.

Mail Mondays (11/14/05)

Ah Monday. A day when people return to work after a relaxing weekend. Why are Mondays usually so bad? Because after relaxing for a day or two, you have to amp it back up to get through the week.
As the temperature drops and the daylight fades to almost nothing, it gets harder to bounce back. At least for me. Oh well.
So, let's get to the mail.
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Hey Leab,
How can you not love watching movies at home?
You don't have to deal with annoying people, high prices, or ads.
Come on, Leab. Home theaters are SO much better.
Mini-Ebert

Dear Mini-Ebert,
I don't begrudge anyone who wants to watch their movies at home. I mean I get why. You don't have to deal with annoying patrons (right, Worm?) who talk or answer their cell phones or whatever. It is cheaper. The average matinee here in Minnesota is $6.50. You can get a film for 24 hours on cable's "On Demand" for $4.00. You can rent it at Blockbuster for the same amount. Or, if you know where to look, you can watch it for free online. It all depends on where you look.
Watching at home has other advantages:
-Sometimes you can have better food. You want vegetables or beer? Hey, it's at your house.
-No waiting. No need to get in line, get a seat, and wait through ads and previews. Pop the movie in and go.
-You need to go to the bathroom? Pause the film. You can't do that at a movie theater.
There are a lot of other reasons, and home theaters are getting much better.
So after all these great reasons, why would I still go to the theater?
Well, first of all, the setups in movie theaters are still better than what us laymen can afford. But the ultimate reason is pathos. Seriously. When the people stop talking and watch the movie it can be the most amazing shared experience. I can remember going to see Die Hard in a New York movie theater with my father. If you've never been to a movie in NY, I can honestly say that they are usually the best audiences. During the film the audience laughed together, gasped together, and even cheered together. For those two hours, those couple hundred people were all together in one place and in one mind set.
A more recent example came when I went to Crash. At one point in the film (going to throw a spoiler out here), a little girl is shot at by an older man. In that moment, the entire theater was together feeling what the girl's father was feeling. No one spoke, no one looked away (except me, because I am a freak and want to check out psychological situations), and no one spoke. We all were in the moment.
That's why I love movie theaters. You're away from your home, but in a different world. When done right, you can forget that anything exists outside that black box. AND, the people in that box are now joined by this common experience.
I can't really explain it better than that. Maybe it's because I grew up in a family with cinephiles, but I love being in the theater.
One more for tonight:
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This one' s a comment.

There was zero need for that.
None. I am fuming right now.
GEEZ I AM SO PISSED OFF AT YOU!
Emma

You might be asking yourself, dear reader, "Leab, what have you done?"
Well, back in this post, I talked about Emma. Why? Because someone asked me about her. I think she's just pissed at me, because of what I wrote. The problem is: It's all true.
Then again, I wasn't the one who wrote a really bad signature of myself on a body part. So maybe I should be just as angry? I don't know. At this point, I just need to wait for the storm to actually show up. Ho-hum.
As always, have a good night.

Ramblings for the Afternoon (11/13/05)

Two hundred. 2-0-0. Wow. Granted, there are people out there with post numbers in the thousands, but I still feel pretty good about getting to two hundred. It means my brain isn't empty just yet.
So, without further ado: BOOM, BABY!
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Life and Death in Minnesota:
This morning it was reported that a popular wrestler in the WWE was found dead in his Minneapolis hotel room. Eddie Guerrero was supposed to be part of a show tonight at the Target Center. Now, it has not been said what exactly killed him, but I find it that this is another athlete (you can debate about whether or not wrestling is a sport, but you can't debate these guys do work hard to keep themselves in shape) who has died during "the season."
In Denver you had Thomas Herrion, a rather large football player, die of a heart attack. Jason Collier, the center for the Atlanta Hawks (NBA) died of heart problem. A few years ago Darryl Kile, a pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals died of (you guessed it) a heart problem.
It makes me wonder if all these guys have pushed themselves too hard, be it with some form of exercise or with performance-enhancing drugs. I will be curious to find out if Guerrero died due to a heart problem, or if he died of an overdose or something of that nature.
This made me think, however, and I admit I put this in for a possible post over at MNSpeak: Who is the most famous person to die in the state of Minnesota? Sure the popular answer would be Paul Wellstone, but outside of Minnesota, not a ton of people know who he is. Is it Herb Brooks? If so, then this lead to a second question: Who is the most famous NON-Minnesotan to die here in Minnesota? Herb was born here in St. Paul, so you can't use him. Again, you could use Wellstone as he was born in D.C., but he's not super-well known.
On the flip side (of sorts) there are the four people injured over at the Brookdale Mall. When B5, the boy band created by (of all people) Sean (Diddy) Combs, performed at the mall, young girls apparently began storming the stage and created (I love this term) a "Girl Frenzy." Girls, desperate to just touch one of the boys, pushed toward the stage and were fighting with each other. The best part? This whole event was being staged by Radio Disney and was going to be filmed and possible played on the Disney Channel.
Now, there are a few issues here. First of all, 2,000 people were at this concert, and there were only 10 security guards. 10. That means each guy was covering 200 people. Ok, no problem there. Can we blame the fans at all? Sure. Maybe it's wrong, but these kids also started beating on each other to get closer. Is that really what our parents are teaching our kids? "You want one of those kids to notice you? Get in close. Kill anyone that gets in your way!" The last issue? How long until the lawsuit and who's getting sued? If it's Brookdale, then the mall might as well just shut down. It can barely afford what's there now.
It's just another depressing sign of the times we live in. It's almost as bad as going to the movie theater, sitting in your seat, and then having someone tell you that's their seat when EVERY other seat is available. Speaking of movies:
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An Ironic Movie Review:
So I went and saw Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. What an incredible film. Seriously. Sure, it's an action-comedy in the same vain as Lethal Weapon, but it manages to do something that not alot of action films do: It makes you think, AND, if you are a film and mystery buff, the film rewards you. What do I mean? Let me explain:
This film takes the classic film noir rules and turns them on on their head (a la Scream and the horror film genre). I'll give you examples by comparing them to another film that used the noir rules (but in the future): Blade Runner.
-One character, usually the main character, narrates the film. In Blade Runner, it was Harrison Ford's Rick Deckard just talking about what he did or thought. This is typical for noir and mystery writing (I suggest you read any novel by Raymond Chandler, which is actually a part of the film, but that comes later). In KKBB, the main character narrates, but he's really bad at it. He even acknowledges this to the audience. He jumps around in time, he can't focus on the story, and he makes sarcastic notes about the action the audience is watching.
-In Blade Runner, as in most noir, you have the Femme Fatale, a usually sexually insatiable woman who (usually) is evil. However, she either comes around to become the main character's girl, or she dies. In KKBB, the femme fatale goes back and forth. She seems evil, but she may or may not be. She commits some questionable acts as well. This leads to the next point:
-The main character has a questionable moral outlook. In both films, the main character does things that may or may not be considered "crossing the line." However, in KKBB, we understand why the character does what he does (I don't want to give anything away, so I will remain vague). We may even react that same way.
Other points:
-The four acts of the film are separated by title cards. Each card is the name of a Raymond Chandler book.
-At one point a character talks about how much he hates it in films when a little known character appears to die or disappear and then reappears at the end. This happens in the film.
-Every "Tough Guy" antic that you're used to seeing in films is used, but changed by screenwriter and director Shane Black. There's the typical Russian Roulette scene, the buddies arguing, and more.
If you're a film nerd like I am, then you can even name films and novels that they are cribbing from (I know, that's sad). That's what makes this film so good. If you know the history, then so much more is open to you, but if you don't then you still will find things to enjoy about the film. I highly recommend it.
That being said, it leads me to my final point today (and yes, I'm writing on a Sunday, because I'm not sure how much free time I will have this week):
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What has Happened to Movie Theaters?:
I love going to the movie theater. I even was quoted in USA Today talking about why I like it. If given the choice of watching at home or watching in a theater, I will choose the theater. There's just something about it. That being said, too many people are treating the movie theater like they are at home. It saddens me. My experience while watching KKBB was not as bad as other times, but it's always annoying when people just start talking to each other. You typical offenders, such as talking to screen ("Don't go in there!"), going across the row to go to the bathroom ("Excuse me, pardon me, sorry."), and late comers ("Is anyone sitting there?") don't bother me so much. No it's the new breed of people who talk to each other through the whole film. "Oh that's so and so. You know...he was on that show...with the girl I think is hot. Wait, what did he just say, I couldn't hear it. Huh, I think I read about how this film ends...etc, etc, etc." I hate these people. You have hours upon hours outside this small black box to talk to each other, and you choose now, when everyone else wants quiet, to talk to each other? There's a special place in Hell for people like you. Right next to the cellphone talkers. How dare you talk on your phone. If you need to talk to someone, leave the theater. Yes, you'll miss some of the movie, but that's your fault for answering the phone. If it's SO pressing that you need to answer, then why are you at the movie theater? Maybe you should be at the hospital for surgery. Wait, it's about dinner tonight? That can wait two hours, you ass! You, too, will be in that special corner of Hell with the talkers and the seat hogs. Oh seat hogs. I really don't like you either. You're the people who save the seats around you as well so no one can sit there. So now, when I enter the theater, even though I'm five minutes early, I have to sit with my nose on the screen, because you don't want someone sharing your armrest. As Corky would say, "You're bastard people. You make me want to go home and bite my pillow."
That being said, the ladies in KKBB with me were not so bad. There were some issues. For example, I laughed a great deal. They never laughed. At one point, I laughed at a joke that was, for intents and purposes, a cheap homosexual joke. It was funny and kind of original. When I laughed, one woman shushed me. That right, she told me to be quiet. Wow. That's pretty harsh.
At the end of the movie, a character apologizes for all the F-bombs dropped throughout the film and one of the woman said, "Thank you." Why did you see this film then?
As we left after credits, one woman stopped me and asked me if I liked the movie.
"Very much so," I told her. "It was brilliant."
"How can you think that. It was a terrible movie. I should have gone to Zathura. Why did you like it?"
I explained it to her, but I gave her the crib notes version or what I said above.
"Oh, they made fun of homosexuals. That's not funny. And all of the swearing? Not needed. Why was that one woman naked? Who needs to see that?"
"Well, it was integral to the plot. And the homosexual humor was being told...by a homosexual."
"You seem like a nice man, but you obviously don't understand what modern audiences want to see. We don't want to see that."
"Well, I disagree with you, but that's you opinion and thus your right."
So, here's my issue with this: What does a 40 year old midwestern woman know about what modern audiences want? Maybe this woman is one of the people who wrote threatening letters to the WB, because 7th Heaven is ending (and I'm still pissed about Arrested Development). It makes me wonder if she's right, however. The modern audience doesn't want to think. They want the laugh track to tell them when to laugh. They want the film to spell out everything for them so they don't have to think (God forbid you know anything about Murrow and McCarthy BEFORE you see the film. Oh well). I'll give you an example: Thirteen Days. If you never knew anything abuot the Cuban Missle Crisis, you might not really enjoy the film. It expects that you know what happened. Most American audiences don't remember or don't want to have to think. No wonder they call it the boob tube. TV means you don't have to think. You ever watch...let's see what was picked up for the whole year...Freddie? Didn't think so. Neither have I. I only know it's on before Lost. Yet the show has been picked up for the whole year despite not great ratings. This is a show where the plots are rehashed from other shows (so I've been told) and the laugh track is so loud that it almost screams, "LAUGH HERE IDIOT!!!!" Apparently that's what people need. If it's smart, then it will probably fail. Need an example? Beyond Arrested Development, look at The Office. There's no laugh track, and the jokes try to make you uncomfortable. Sure, if you've never, ever worked a day in your life, you might not understand the people's feelings, but most people have worked and that's why the show is so funny. Who hasn't worked with someone that's just so odd or incredibly dumb?
It's just sad that no one really wants to think anymore.
Then again, what do I know? I felt that Zoolander was funny. I could be wrong.

Addendum

Hey folks.
It's a gorgeous day today. So what am I doing? Well, I'm heading out to the movies.
That's right, the movies. The dark, indoor, and overpriced building that I actually like going to now and then.
As it has been soooo long since I've gotten to see a movie in the theatre, I'm excited. Today's choice: Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang.
How will it be?
Well, I'll let you know.
Off to my favorite place: THE MOVIES!

Ramblings for the Evening (11/10/05)

Well, today is, for intents and purposes, Friday. Why? There's no school tomorrow. No student means a nice calm day. Granted, it's a staff development day, but it's not really work, more "work". You know what I mean?
Well we should get to it.
So, without further ado: SHE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE!
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School Shootings:
As you may or may not know, another school shooting, this one in Tennessee, took place. We had a discussion with students about what happened today. Also, several schools across Minnesota practiced their "Emergency Procedures" for cases like this. One person failed today when he forgot to lock his door. It meant that if a student had a gun and was on a rampage, that the teacher and all the students in his room would be dead or injured. Michele, over at her site, made mention of this story as well, and she brings up a good point: When did it become so unsafe to be a teacher? Now, I don't think it about it at all. I'm not kidding. Never in the last two years have I walked into a building thinking, "Wow, today I could be killed by a disgruntled student." I know there are students who like me, and I know there are students who wish I were dead, but I cannot fathom these teachers who now want tasers in their classrooms. Seriously. A former classmate of mine moved to Los Angeles and is now a teacher in, of all places, Beverly Hills (yes, it's cush, as in cushy). Still, people in Los Angeles (even in the BH area) are worried about the school violence. A few teachers are now requesting to have the same setup as pilots. They want a secure area where they can be safe from possible shootings, AND they want taser guns in the classrooms. Anyone else think that's a bad idea? Sure, a teacher could be safe (and I stress the COULD very hard), but what about the student who manages to get that taser? That would great for classmates, wouldn't it?
Still, I don't fear for my life as a teacher. Should I? Should I be scared that one of the students may decide that my joking around and my nicknames are just too cruel and decide to off me? Maybe. Seriously I don't know. Maybe I'm stubborn, but to me, I truly believe that I'm just not important enough to rate a shooting. That's just me however. I know some of my colleagues (and I'm not talking about Michele here) are worried that they would be the first target. Again, I just don't see it happening. However, I do agree with Michele: I shouldn't ever have to be even a little bit worried about life threatening situations at my job. That's just me, however.
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Arrrr, Me Hardies!:

I'm a big fan of Pirates. I even know that September 19th is National Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day. When Washington University in St. Louis did Pirates of Penzance while I was there, I was asked to write about the history of pirates (something that I know about. Yes, I'm a nerd). That's why I find it both kinda horrifying and cool that a cruise ship was attacked by pirates last week. How can it be both? Well, in some ways, it's fascinating that pirates of the high seas still exist (versus hackers who are just computer pirates of sorts). Granted, I don't think the modern pirates adhere to the codes that the pirates of old did, but imagine the life style. It's also horrifying because of the cutthroat tactics that these pirates use. If it hadn't been for this so-called "sonic weapon" the media has been talking about then many of the people aboard that ship would probably have died. With pirates back AND a new strain of superflu, it's like living in the 1700s again. What's next, monarchies?
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Signs of the Times:
A friend and former colleague of mine is a manager at one of the movie theatres in Minneapolis. He called me out of the blue today and asked me to drop by and see him after-school. I hadn't seen him in almost a year, but he remembered my number. So, I get to the theatre and see that he's speaking with four security guards. Why? Well, with the new 50-Cent movie opening today, many theatre chains are installing extra security in case violence breaks out. I'm not kidding. I wish I was. Two large men were assigned to each theatre. Each guy was armed as well. So, I talk to my friend for a little bit and find out that these guys are also there because of a bounty hunter (more on that later) who was looking for a bail jumper.
Three hours later my phone rings again. Same guy. I thought I forgot something, but, in fact, he was calling to tell me the security guys had already clamped down on someone. Apparently two men stepped up to each other, and one of them pulled a gun on the other. How sad is that? You go to a movie theater and someone pulls a gun on you?
When did everything move to the extremes? It used to be that there were safe havens, but now drug deals go down in libraries, people get shot in movie theaters, and prostitutes can be called to your boat (or so channel 5 tells me).
A film about a guy who chooses to be a rapper instead of a gangster has to have extra security because the people watching it want to be gangsters. It's kind of ironic and an unfortunate sign of the times. I still think Spike Lee was right.
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I get "Dogged":
Ok, if you've ever seen Dog the Bounty Hunter, you know he's a bounty hunter (I mean it's IN the title). As I mentioned before, there was a bounty hunter at the movie theater looking for a bail jumper (he apparently got his man, I later learned). When I left the theater, I had a long walk back to my car. I didn't know why at the time, but I noticed Bob (not his real name) following me. Right when I got to my car, he jumped me. Apparently, I look like someone else who is wanted by the state. This guy was convinced I was him. Even after showing him my license, I had to show him another form of ID AND the insurance card that was in my car in order to show I was Leab and not Mr. Daniels.
My wife calls it plain bad luck, but I just find it...funny. I've never heard of someone being mistaken for me, but I am always thought to be other people. Maybe this is life's way of telling me to be an undercover cop. I don't know. Oh well.
And finally....
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Learning to be careful:
I like my students. As I've said before, I don't think they'd ever shoot me. Sure, I probably annoy them with my nicknames and my attempts to help them avoid my mistakes (step 1, learn to say, "no" at some point). However, I always find it quite funny when they slip up and include me in something they didn't mean to. Whether it's having me "marry" a student and learn we'll have "24 children," or something to that effect, I like joking around with them. Now, I say learning to be careful, because one student accidentally (or I think it was accidentally) sent me a picture of the girl who runs the crew. It sums up her total feelings about working with me (or so I think. It's a great picture that I figured should be immortalized here. This would be Greta.

This is why you have to be careful.

Have a good night all.

Oh, and I'm still taking applicants to join to the Search Team. So far only Meridita and the DeRushas are aboard. We'll take anyone interested. Head on over to the blog and join up.

Quote of the Day 11/8/05

I was all set to Ramble, but I remembered that I have a hockey game tonight. Add to that the tests I have to grade (for tomorrow), and I don't have time for the full ramble. Instead I present the quote of the day from my lovely wife.

The picture above was actually shot outside my home. The blimp buzzed by my neighborhood last week. I thought it was strange that the blimp was over a small town instead of the big cities until I realized that the blimp probably lands at the Crystal airport (not to far from where I live).

The other day the blimp had to fight gusty winds while making its way around Minneapolis. My wife was downtown for an Engineering class (I don't really understand, and I can't pretend to). So, she sees the blimp fighting to maintain control, but it's getting bounced around in the wind. "You can almost see the pilot fighting at the controls," she tells me. But then, she hits me with a gem that I deem the quote of the day.

"Yeah that blimp getting bounced around is alot like Fox 9 News. It's aimless, bouncing all over the place in order to be seen, full of hot air, and kinda pointless."

Regardless of how you feel about Fox 9 News, her comment is just plain funny. What with the new website that just shares the love for Fox 9, it's kinda funny that station is being turned on.

All right, off to the hockey game.

Mail Mondays (11/7/05)

Ugh. I feel so utterly drained. This morning I fell down my steps. It has not been a Leab-friendly day. Before we get started, let's hit a few points here:
-One of my favorite people, Meridita, has a new puppy. A beautiful dog. She needs a name and is taking suggestions. Head on over there and give it a try. Winner gets...well...nothing but gratitude. Still, that's something.
Due to the fact that I feel...not so good, tonight's mail will be short and sweet.

A few days ago, I mentioned that the President needs to "Dave" it up. In that entry, I mentioned that America just isn't ready to vote in a woman for President of the United States. One of my favorite Libertarians, Admin Worm, felt that I was wrong. His comment?
I disagree with your statement "This country is still YEARS from ever putting a woman in the white house." I would no sooner vote against someone for what's between their legs than I would the color of their skin.
My response?
Worm, you know I think you're a smart guy, but you are NOT representative of the entire country. You would think that with the progressive thinking that so many people claim to have that a woman or a person of color would be a shoo-in for the seat of seats. Unfortunately, you're forgetting the previous elections. What do I mean?
-We know people aren't ready for people of color because of the tactics Karl Rove used to remove McCain. His adopted daughter, referred to as black, was used to attack McCain's character.
-What is the largest voting population in this country? Clock's ticking...anyone? Yup, it's the older generations. Unfortunately, the old cronies who run this country and who vote will not put in a woman or a person who isn't a good ole white Christian.
I would love, LOVE to see Rice vs. Clinton. I think it would be great. It won't happen. Everyone in both parties will push for men. Why? Because boys will be boys.
It's frustrating, but this country just isn't ready for a Mary Robinson (the fmr. President of Ireland). We seem to be the only country (save for the Middle East) that isn't ready for women in power. How interesting.
I still think you're a brilliant guy, Worm, but you and I are in a very small minority of men.

Leab,
Why won't you talk about politics. What's wrong with politics? Everyone talks about politics, so why should you be so different?
Curious G

G,
That's just it: EVERYONE talks about politics. It drives me nuts. I do it every once in a while, but here's why it's a problem: Rather than get all the facts, most people just take the word of the media (Left or Right) and just respout what they say. If not the media, then the party's talking points. I truly believe a majority of people no longer really THINK about what they're being told, but just take it and accept it. Want an example?
People on the right say that people on the left are all children who are ruining this country.
People on the left say that people on the right are all evil evangelists who are runining this country.
Wow. I feel like I just watched 24 hours of Fox News/CNN/MSNBC and a pinch of Comedy Central.
Personally, I believe that politics is really Latin for "No longer care about the people." We are NOT a true Democracy. Seriously. YOU do not have any real power anymore. Your power puts the person in office. That's it. It's up to them to decide if they are looking out for your best interest. That's why I don't talk about politics. It just makes me angry.

I think that's going to be it for tonight.
Look for Ramblings tomorrow.
Later, Gator.

Follow-Up

Quick Follow-Up.
Yes, I do realize that my last post had some political issues and such in it, and I know I said I wouldn't go off on politics. Technically, I didn't. If I really wanted to, I could sit down everyday and rail and rant about American politics. However, this blog would get boring really fast (as least to me). Yes, occasionally I will mention political aspects, but that doesn't mean I am going against my stance against doing political issues everyday.
There ya go folks.

The President Needs a Dave Moment

The other night I couldn't sleep, so I started watching television. I don't know what channel it was, but the film Dave had just started. For those of you who don't know, Dave is about a look-alike who ends up filling in for the President of the United States after a stroke. Dave (the look-alike) is told to play along with what the Chief of Staff tells him to do, but he breaks stride and tries to help the country instead. This includes getting a bill signed that deals with getting people jobs (this was in 1993). The more I watched this film, the more I realized that our current president needs to think about this film. With his approval rating at an all-time low for himself and for any president (watch out Hoover, your place in history may be usurped...USURPED!), President Bush may need to pull a Kovic/Mitchell. Let me explain using another president: Kennedy.
When John F. Kennedy Jr. died, I didn't hear about it until I was sitting in a bar in St. Louis. Before I continue, I should mention one thing: this was an Irish bar with a nice big picture of JFK over the bar. This will be important later. So, JFK jr is dead. I turn to the guy next to me and say, "Do you ever think they faked it?"
"Huh?" is the response I get.
"Do you ever think the Kennedy family faked all the deaths?"
"Are you nuts? Why would they do that?"
Now, with some alcohol in my system, I actually concocted the following conspiracy theory:
"Well let's go all the way back. JFK was not the greatest president. Did he do some good things? Sure. He started the Space Program and averted (though almost also started) a nuclear war. However, he was not "the great man" everyone thought he was. He cheated on his wife, and he played everything fast and loose. Hell, if he hadn't died when he did, he probably would have screwed up the country.
So the family knows things are going downhill, but they want Kennedy's new baby (The Space Program) to continue, so they do the only thing that seems to work in movies and literature: They fake his death. That's why so many people can't agree on what happened on that day in Dallas. He never really died. They needed it to look like he did. Some makeup and a willing to play along Jackie O sets Kennedy free and saves NASA. She is also set free from the marriage (something she had wanted ever since she learned he was stooping Marilyn Monroe). Now, He needs a place to go, so the family buys a compound in the Bahamas where no will really look (say Martinique) and send JFK down there.
Soon, however, he gets lonely. He starts communicating with brother Robert. Robert has become disillusioned with politics, so he, too, fakes his own death. Again, closed casket funerals mean the body doesn't have to be there, and if it were open casket, it would be easy to fake. Robert now joins his brother in Martinique (or whereever).
Ted had his chance, but he screwed it up. Instead of waiting for the divers to come get him, he panicked and opened the door to the car too early. So, the girl died, and Ted was banished from joining his brothers.
Thus, John Jr. decided to join the rest of his family. I mean have they found his body yet? (Author's note: I don't remember. Did they ever find his body?) I don't think so. This is all a way to get away from it all."
After finishing this lovely speech, the bartender, who was also one of the owners, kicked me out. The guy sitting next to me just sat there with his mouth open. I was told, "Get out. NOW! Or I'll toss you out!" Oh well.
This brings me back to my point. In Dave, because the President dies, the rest of the government works to keep his bill alive and help people get jobs. Kennedy died and it helped NASA (Oddly true). So I was thinking: with so many government people wanting Bush to go, why not do this: Have Bush introduce a bill that the Republicans want passed but could be tough to get through to pass. Then, have Bush fake his death. Cheney gets installed and everyone feels so bad that it passes. Seriously, what's Bush going to do after he gets out of office? Run another company into the ground? No. Is he going to teach classes? Probably not. Host a talk show? Not without REALLY good writers he's not. Motivational speaker? I think Clinton and Bush Sr. have that one locked. So, he fakes his death and moves to a mansion in South America. I mean it's like Texas, only with less white people. That shouldn't be a problem, should it?
Anyway, he fakes his death, the nation mourns, and his bill is passed. Then, Cheney decides not to run in 2008, and we get the ultimate face off in 2008. Condi vs. Hillary. Could you imagine it? Who the hell would everyone vote for? Seriously. This country is still YEARS from ever putting a woman in the white house. It would be the only time Nader could win. I don't know what it is about women, but this country fears a woman in charge. However, that's not the point right now. We'll leave that until 2007...when it's relevant.
I know what you're thinking: What the hell are you thinking? Fake his death? Why the hell would he do that? Well, if you think about the presidency as a business, then the stock holders are losing confidence. When that happens, the company is in serious trouble. Take note, the consumers are really losing their confidence in this company.
Side note: The phrase "The criminalization of politics" is now banned. You can't say it's never been like this before when we had...oh...Watergate, Iran-Contra, and every little thing that they attempted to pin on Clinton. Scandals in the White House are nothing new. Get over it.
It just might work if Bush is willing to go through with it. I mean if 9/11 and Terrorism used over and over and over again can get things done, imagine how politicians can use the death of one of their own.
Then again, what do I know? I believe William Henry Harrison got Pneumonia on purpose in order to get out of office. I could be wrong.

Up for Air

Whew!
What a long week. Between the show (Cyrano went well), the end of the quarter, and "real life", I was in a lot of pain last night. By the time I got home to my wife (who was already in bed and feeling horrible), I thought I was going to collapse. Would you like some highlights? Too bad, you're getting them anyway!

We left our intrepid hero (ok, me) on Tuesday. Having taught three people how to run the show, I was feeling confident that everything would be all right. That was my first mistake. As Wednesday morning dawned, I had this...eerie feeling. I already knew I would be covering a colleague's classes while he was gone, but I had no idea that every single one of the kids in those classes was, in fact...from the class I taught this past summer. That's right: Most of the kids I had failed in the summer reading course were still in the high school. Front and center was the girl whose mother had tracked me down and screamed at me for failing her daughter. Sadly, they were just as I had remembered. Sigh. Best moment? I asked which president was involved with Watergate (they had been studying that time period). The answer? Well, it went as follows:
"Which president was involved with Watergate? Yes?"
"Bill Clinton!"
"Um, no. Yes?"
"George Washington?"
"This was about 30 years ago, so no. Anyone else? You."
"Uh....What was his name....Uh....That guy....Oh yeah, Kennedy!"
"Um, wow. No. There was a Kennedy that was part of a different scandal. (It gets quiet.) Anyone else. (I count to six, finally a hand goes up.) You."
"Was it Richard Nixon?"
"Bingo!"
(Same kid) "I guess that makes sense, it says in our book he resigned due to Watergate."
All I'm saying is....WOW!
When not working with these kids, I was in the theatre trying to get everything to work. Just when I would have one light fixed, another would break. It was like stacking dominos. One afternoon four (count 'em FOUR) bulbs popped. Add to that trying to set up lights for action going on in the audience, and the stress just kept on building.

Wednesday night! Oh lord, that was dress rehearsal. Oy VEY!
-I bought pizza for everyone...but no one saved me a slice.
-My crew suddenly forgot everything we had talked about with regards to running the lights, so we had to start completely over in writing the cues. However, I will say this: Nora is going to be better at lighting than her brother. Mark my words.
-Watching the show on Wednesday night, the director and I had a long chat about his retirement. He talked about how sometimes, "In years like these, it can't come soon enough." Now, I'm already stressed as my wife is sick, I haven't been sleeping (at this point it's been a long time since I slept through the night), and I'm trying to get my colleagues grades in for him because the quarter is ending (what the hell was I thinking?) and now I'm trying to console a man who's been teaching forever. It was a long night. After getting home and checking in on my wife, I stayed up watching Dave, which lead me to an idea for George W. Bush (more on that later).
-Emma showed up. I've mentioned her before. Even though she's at a different school now, she showed up to dress rehearsal. This leads to everyone asking me how I feel about her being there, or as I call it: Another distraction. She would also show up on Thursday.

Thursday. That feeling I had was worse as I woke up on the floor in the same clothes from the night before. I hadn't even made it to the bed. Sometime around 3 in the morning, I made my way to the bedroom and passed out on the floor. When the alarm went off a couple of hours later, I was mighty surprised.
Classwise, it was...tiring:
-Began All the President's Men. First question (seriously): "Why does this film take place in the 70's?" For the rest of the period, all I heard was, "This is boring," "Why do we need to know this?", or, "What does this have to do with what we were studying?" I can't tell you how close I was to yelling "Because this is about Watergate, you schmuck!"
-I attempted to relax on Thursday only to be sucked into a conversation about how one the students and I are going to have 24 children. What makes this funny? Well, how about the principal showing up to hear the end of the conversation and ask me questions about it. Awesome!
Now, Thursday night was the opening of Cyrano. It went well, but there were some problems. The light board operator that night got Tourette's in his hand and double clicked the button on one occasion. Luckily, he had listened to me when I mentioned the "HOLD" button. It stopped the blackout. He screwed up on two other cues, but it was ok. Other problems?
-The actor playing Cyrano lost his nose during the first scene.
-The actors weren't in places when the lights came up. Luckily one girl was and she was able to fuss about on stage until the rest of the actors showed up.
-This one's for Greta: "You want a fair day's work? Pay a fair day's wage." That sound like the line? No? Let me know what it is when you remember it. (I kid because I care.)
-Emma. You know, everytime I think that girl is totally over me, she goes and does something like...oh, I don't know...fake my signature on her butt (and Blair's chest). Yeah, you got it wrong. You should make sure I'm not at the top of the steps or anything before trying that. Even more fun was watching Elizabeth turn bright red when I mentioned her part of it. Yeah, the whole signature was wrong. Good try though.
-You can tell when a person doesn't like you. It's in the eyes. Somehow the relationship has changed. Maybe it's because you're too much alike, or maybe it's something else. Put it this way: It's really hard to put your trust and faith in someone when they turn around and burn you at every step. It's hard to sing the praises of people who don't return the act or behave in such a way as to no longer deserve it. Sometimes, however, you just have to watch someone self-destruct. It's hard, but you have to go boom sometimes in order to learn.
The rest of the night was pretty quiet. I went home and figured I could relax. I was wrong. Didn't sleep AT ALL that night. I never even closed my eyes. Too much work to do and too hyped on all the things I had to fix in order to sleep. Thus, as the sun rose on Friday, my brain was hurting.

Friday. We'll skip the fun day of classes which saw the end of the film, multiple questions about what happened, and five kids sent to the office. It was Friday and the end of the quarter. Yup.
That night, the show went well (from what I was told. I was tending to my wife).
-I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Nora kicks serious ass. It also helps when the posted rule in the booth is for Rob not to touch her. Trust me: this is a good rule.
-The cast had no idea I had shown up for strike. When I started barking out orders after the cast photo, I apparently spooked a few people.
-We started strike at 5 minutes after ten p.m. with instructions to be done by 10:30. Between myself and the crew, we had everything done in 20 minutes. Damn those kids can be good when motivated. It makes me actually excited for the spring play. I now have a sophomore and a freshman who can run lights and sound, and both of them want to learn the ins and outs of it. I might suggest that one of them move to crew, but we'll see.
-Best moment: Trying to quickly break down the scaffolding, seven students can't tell that the brakes are on the wheels. They need to be unlocked to make it work.
-Worst moment: A student brings me the drill and says, "I don't know where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing....How did I get this drill?"
-There was a cast party, but I realized two things:
1. It's weird when your teacher shows up.
2. No one told me where it was. In essence, I wasn't invited. The director hoped I would show up, but again, no idea where it was.
As for sleeping, well, I admit I found a cheat to help me. I got home, my wife was asleep, and I was on my last legs. I down a full shot of NyQuil (MMM the Q) and passed out. Got up nice and early today to work on everything I had neglected around the home. You gotta love it.
Moral of the story: There is no moral. Ok, maybe we all have to learn how to balance our time and energy or were going to pay for it.
Admit it, you missed me a little. Well, I missed you.
Talk to you later.

Tech Week

Ok, so it's tech week this week. Add to that the end of the quarter, and I have a lot a work ahead of me. So I won't be posting for the next few days (Unless, by some miracle, I get some time during the day to post...it could happen).
Thanks to everyone who responded to yesterday's posts. Honestly, I'm not angry that someone thought I was Henry Rollins. I was really more angry that the guy wouldn't leave me alone at first. I'm also more confused about it. I mean Rollins is a cool bad ass, and I'm...Leab. It's odd.
I'll leave you with this: Yesterday, I had a few trick or treaters. Most were just bland store-bought costumes, but a few instances were...memorable. I had a pair of 40 (that's 4-0, not 4) year olds in costume that asked for candy. No kids, no little children around them. No, these were adults dressed as Sonny and Cher asking for candy. It was odd.
The absolute best moment, however, was the kid in the Batman suit who attempted to steal my bowl of candy. Seriously. This kid, maybe six years old, grabs the bowl and starts to try and run off. He misjudges how big I am. When the bowl doesn't move, he pulls harder. I said, "Hey! What are you doing? You got your candy." His mother comes running up to me and starts yelling at me for correcting her kid. She asks, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I looked at her and responded, "Trying to keep your kid from stealing my bowl. You want to tell him to stop then?" I thought this woman was going to hit me. "Don't you accuse my son of stealing. How dare you!?" Sigh.
My other favorite moment was a mother who told me I was giving her child, "Too much candy!" That's right: Her daughter was getting TOO MUCH CANDY! On Halloween. Wow.
Two handfuls is too much? Oy.
Otherwise it was fine. No eggs or tp at my house. My neighbors? Not so lucky.
Talk to you when I can.

Finding Ways to Relax

Ok, so even though the Rollins story was funny (at least to me), I'm still kinda pissed. At what? Life, the fact that people don't realize when a joke is a joke (right, Worm?), ungrateful people. Still, I don't want to be so angry, so I look at these two pretty boys.
I know I've mentioned it before, but I have three cats. The one on the left is the most evil cat ever. The one on the right...well he wants to be human. He tries to use a fork and knife. What cat does that? Still, they make me laugh. My third cat (the black cat) is camera shy. Plus, a few years ago, someone tried to steal him from me on Halloween. I'm not kidding.
So let's break it down...then I relax with my boys.
Life: You know, the entire month of October was terrible. I really don't like my Birthday, for one thing, and I'm really frustrated with my health, my wife's health, and more. Someone asked me once, "If God hates you, what do you do?" Normally I would answer, "God doesn't hate you. He's not out to make it personal. Seriously." Now, however, I'm starting to think, "Hate him back," might be the right answer. Oh I know, I still believe God is not a cosmic bellboy, and I believe I'm not part of some master plan, but some days...some days.
Jokes: People cannot take a joke. We take life so damn seriously nowadays. I drop a joke about God, people flip out. I make a joke about women, I MUST be a misogynist. For the love of Mike, people, it's called a SENSE OF HUMOR! What's next? No jokes about penguins, it's insensitive. Hell, I call one of my students "Flock of Seagulls" because of his hair. He doesn't really get it, but he laughs. So do his parents, but they get it. Now I'll get some comment about how I'm hurting this boy. Ugh.
Ungrateful People: I'm starting to think helping people is a bad idea. I gave up my day to help some of my students with their problems and with the show that opens on Thursday. I got 1 thank you from a student who needed a laugh. The rest? Nothing. I helped my neighbors move an air conditioner...by myself. Did I get a thanks? NO! It's not that hard. Just say, "Hey, thanks."
And if I help you and give up my time, don't lecture me about the work I'm doing. You're just damn lucky I care.
That's it. I'm going to go hug my cats and figure out how to relax. Here's the third one, he just walked in:

Another Mistaken Identity

Usually, as you all know, I am mistaken for Greg Grunberg (see picture at right). This isn't a bad thing except when people don't believe that I'm not him. This happened a few weeks ago when a woman was so sure I was Mr. Grunberg that she told me, "unless I see two forms of ID to prove you aren't him, I'm not leaving you alone." I thought she was kidding. She wasn't. Anyway, while in downtown Minneapolis today, I was mistaken for another celebrity. Who you ask? Well, let me tell you a story....
Walking out of St. Thomas, I headed toward Hennepin Ave (I had a free parking voucher for a garage near The Saloon. So, as I cross the street, a guy starts shouting at me.
I love when someone starts with the following opener:
"Holy SHIT! Do you know who you are?"
If you answer, "No," and walk off, a person will follow you.
If you answer, "Yes," then they expect you to be a buddy.
I split the middle ground: "Maybe. Who wants to know?"
I start to walk away. I want to get home.
"NO, wait, DUUUUUDDE! I love you. You're awesome. Oh my God. What are you doing here? Don't you have a show in like an hour?"
"Yeah, but I need to relax. You know...work out the nervousness."
"Huh?"
"Look, who do you think I am?"

"Dude. You're FUCKING HENRY ROLLINS!"
I managed to lose this guy, but explain to me this: How do I go from Greg Grunberg to Henry Rollins. I seriously do not get it. Yes, I was wearing a black t-shirt, but I don't have the cool factor, the tattoos, or the (to be frank) age.
Don't get me wrong, I think Rollins is awesome. His music is interesting, he's quite a good comedian, and if you overlook Johnny Mnemonic, he's not a bad actor. (Side note: JM was not his fault, but it was...not so good, "Just Johnny.")
Hey, it would be cool if I were Greg Grunberg or Henry Rollins. I'm not. I'm just plain ole Leab.
For better or for worse.
Unfortunately for a friend of mine, he looks like Brad Pitt. His life is SOOOO rough. Bastard.
Then again, what do I know? I wasn't the guy who played the Pilot on Lost. I could be wrong.

Mail Mondays (10/31/05)

Happy Halloween. Yes, it's that time of year when children (and some adults) dress up in costumes and parade around the neighborhood. I can already tell you that I've had two adults (yes, ADULTS) in costume come to my door for candy. Yup, two older women in masks asked me for candy. Isn't it supposed to be for kids?
On a side note, I went to St. Thomas tonight to talk to a class about what to do when a student has a crush on you (or asks you to Prom, as it were). I also had to speak to the National Council for Accreditation of Teacher Education. Why? It was my job to talk about all the good things about St. Thomas. I played my part, but when I mentioned one negative thing, they held me after everyone left to get my "full" impression. It was...fun. Yeah, fun.
How about some mail?
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Leab,
Are you Slanderous Minneapolis?
A Depressed Reader (Remember, names are changed to protect the innocent...or the dumb).

Dear Depressed Reader,
I wish I was the Slanderizer. That site gets lots of readers, is always funny, and even won an award (Twin Cities locally generated Blog of the Year). While I may be able to write a piece here and there about Chris Conangla or whoever, I am not the Slanderizer. Nope. That's Jason DeRusha. Ok, just kidding, he's really Don Shelby.
Seriously though, I have no clue who the Slanderizer is. I just send a piece every now and then to see if I'm actually funny. Apparently I'm mean and can get people fired. So, who's next?
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Dear Mr. Leab
Why are boys so stupid? I mean, a girl throws herself at a guy, and he slinks away? Doesn't that mean he's gay? What the hell?
Sexually Frustrated Gal

Ah, Gal. You have the age old problem. You're a vivacious young woman who really wanted this guy to play rough with you, but he was scared at how forward you are. No, it doesn't mean he's automatically gay. That would make life easier if it did, though, wouldn't it? No, I'm afraid your boy was probably a virgin and scared about his performance. You see, not all men are raging hormones who want sex all the time. We do have our lucid moments. Really.
However, we're talking about a high school age kid. He may be nice, but instead of talking to you about the future and how he feels and his fears, he decided to break it off. So here's my advice. Let it go. Soon you'll be done with high school and most college guys are more mature (no really) and will be able to help you.
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Leab,
Two-parter: 1. Have you ever held up a Starbucks?
2. What does "lost years" mean?
A Bored Student

Bored Student,
1. No. Seriously, you've been in my class, do I look like the kind of guy who would hold up a Starbucks? Wait, wait, wait. What I mean is, why would I hold up a Starbucks? I have an ok salary teaching, and my wife works as well. Look, I don't like the Starbucks crowd, but that doesn't mean I would commit violence against it. Sheesh.
2. Sigh. At one point, while in college, I became...a drunk. I reacted badly to some events in my life and decided to drink reality away. There are a lot of days during that time that I don't remember. It's sad but true.
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Hey Idiot,
How dare you defend Spike Lee! He's a racist pig. This is a man who basically hates white people. Are you an idiot? If he said something that was against his own race, it was probably done at gunpoint.
Ass,
A Loving Reader

Dear Loving Reader,
If I didn't know better, I might believe you were a big fan of Prussian Blue. Seriously. Look, we all have opinions. I believe Spike Lee was right, and I believe calling him an "Uncle Tom" is not a positive thing.
There's a great song from the show Avenue Q called "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist." It's a great song. Essentially the song says it's title. Everyone has a little bit of racism. It's not a bad thing, it's just life. We all have some sort preconceived notion about another race that might be bad. Example? All Asian people drive badly. Racist? Sure. Do alot of people believe it? I bet if you took a poll, people who didn't have to show their face or use their name would say, "Yes."
I agree with what Spike Lee said. I think he has a better insight into African-American society than I do, but I agree that the idea of the "Gangsta" lifestyle gives modern teenagers and kids ideas that will never (and in some cases should never) come true. We don't need more killers out there. We don't need a "new mafia" as one rapper proclaims.
Sorry you disagree with me, but that's what I believe.
Ok one more.
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Leab,
To borrow a phrase from PTI, why do you slurp Jason DeRusha so much?
A Concerned Citizen

CC,
You know what? He's a nice guy. He's actually taken the time to comment on my blog and consistently writes on mnspeak.com. Sure, he wears high heeled boots now and then, but who doesn't? Ok besides me? Ok besides you? Ok screw you. He's a good guy. Get over it.

All right, that does it for today's mail. See you all tomorrow. Keep those comments and emails coming.