Ramblings for the Evening (11/10/05)

Well, today is, for intents and purposes, Friday. Why? There's no school tomorrow. No student means a nice calm day. Granted, it's a staff development day, but it's not really work, more "work". You know what I mean?
Well we should get to it.
So, without further ado: SHE BLINDED ME WITH SCIENCE!
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School Shootings:
As you may or may not know, another school shooting, this one in Tennessee, took place. We had a discussion with students about what happened today. Also, several schools across Minnesota practiced their "Emergency Procedures" for cases like this. One person failed today when he forgot to lock his door. It meant that if a student had a gun and was on a rampage, that the teacher and all the students in his room would be dead or injured. Michele, over at her site, made mention of this story as well, and she brings up a good point: When did it become so unsafe to be a teacher? Now, I don't think it about it at all. I'm not kidding. Never in the last two years have I walked into a building thinking, "Wow, today I could be killed by a disgruntled student." I know there are students who like me, and I know there are students who wish I were dead, but I cannot fathom these teachers who now want tasers in their classrooms. Seriously. A former classmate of mine moved to Los Angeles and is now a teacher in, of all places, Beverly Hills (yes, it's cush, as in cushy). Still, people in Los Angeles (even in the BH area) are worried about the school violence. A few teachers are now requesting to have the same setup as pilots. They want a secure area where they can be safe from possible shootings, AND they want taser guns in the classrooms. Anyone else think that's a bad idea? Sure, a teacher could be safe (and I stress the COULD very hard), but what about the student who manages to get that taser? That would great for classmates, wouldn't it?
Still, I don't fear for my life as a teacher. Should I? Should I be scared that one of the students may decide that my joking around and my nicknames are just too cruel and decide to off me? Maybe. Seriously I don't know. Maybe I'm stubborn, but to me, I truly believe that I'm just not important enough to rate a shooting. That's just me however. I know some of my colleagues (and I'm not talking about Michele here) are worried that they would be the first target. Again, I just don't see it happening. However, I do agree with Michele: I shouldn't ever have to be even a little bit worried about life threatening situations at my job. That's just me, however.
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Arrrr, Me Hardies!:

I'm a big fan of Pirates. I even know that September 19th is National Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day. When Washington University in St. Louis did Pirates of Penzance while I was there, I was asked to write about the history of pirates (something that I know about. Yes, I'm a nerd). That's why I find it both kinda horrifying and cool that a cruise ship was attacked by pirates last week. How can it be both? Well, in some ways, it's fascinating that pirates of the high seas still exist (versus hackers who are just computer pirates of sorts). Granted, I don't think the modern pirates adhere to the codes that the pirates of old did, but imagine the life style. It's also horrifying because of the cutthroat tactics that these pirates use. If it hadn't been for this so-called "sonic weapon" the media has been talking about then many of the people aboard that ship would probably have died. With pirates back AND a new strain of superflu, it's like living in the 1700s again. What's next, monarchies?
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Signs of the Times:
A friend and former colleague of mine is a manager at one of the movie theatres in Minneapolis. He called me out of the blue today and asked me to drop by and see him after-school. I hadn't seen him in almost a year, but he remembered my number. So, I get to the theatre and see that he's speaking with four security guards. Why? Well, with the new 50-Cent movie opening today, many theatre chains are installing extra security in case violence breaks out. I'm not kidding. I wish I was. Two large men were assigned to each theatre. Each guy was armed as well. So, I talk to my friend for a little bit and find out that these guys are also there because of a bounty hunter (more on that later) who was looking for a bail jumper.
Three hours later my phone rings again. Same guy. I thought I forgot something, but, in fact, he was calling to tell me the security guys had already clamped down on someone. Apparently two men stepped up to each other, and one of them pulled a gun on the other. How sad is that? You go to a movie theater and someone pulls a gun on you?
When did everything move to the extremes? It used to be that there were safe havens, but now drug deals go down in libraries, people get shot in movie theaters, and prostitutes can be called to your boat (or so channel 5 tells me).
A film about a guy who chooses to be a rapper instead of a gangster has to have extra security because the people watching it want to be gangsters. It's kind of ironic and an unfortunate sign of the times. I still think Spike Lee was right.
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I get "Dogged":
Ok, if you've ever seen Dog the Bounty Hunter, you know he's a bounty hunter (I mean it's IN the title). As I mentioned before, there was a bounty hunter at the movie theater looking for a bail jumper (he apparently got his man, I later learned). When I left the theater, I had a long walk back to my car. I didn't know why at the time, but I noticed Bob (not his real name) following me. Right when I got to my car, he jumped me. Apparently, I look like someone else who is wanted by the state. This guy was convinced I was him. Even after showing him my license, I had to show him another form of ID AND the insurance card that was in my car in order to show I was Leab and not Mr. Daniels.
My wife calls it plain bad luck, but I just find it...funny. I've never heard of someone being mistaken for me, but I am always thought to be other people. Maybe this is life's way of telling me to be an undercover cop. I don't know. Oh well.
And finally....
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Learning to be careful:
I like my students. As I've said before, I don't think they'd ever shoot me. Sure, I probably annoy them with my nicknames and my attempts to help them avoid my mistakes (step 1, learn to say, "no" at some point). However, I always find it quite funny when they slip up and include me in something they didn't mean to. Whether it's having me "marry" a student and learn we'll have "24 children," or something to that effect, I like joking around with them. Now, I say learning to be careful, because one student accidentally (or I think it was accidentally) sent me a picture of the girl who runs the crew. It sums up her total feelings about working with me (or so I think. It's a great picture that I figured should be immortalized here. This would be Greta.

This is why you have to be careful.

Have a good night all.

Oh, and I'm still taking applicants to join to the Search Team. So far only Meridita and the DeRushas are aboard. We'll take anyone interested. Head on over to the blog and join up.

Quote of the Day 11/8/05

I was all set to Ramble, but I remembered that I have a hockey game tonight. Add to that the tests I have to grade (for tomorrow), and I don't have time for the full ramble. Instead I present the quote of the day from my lovely wife.

The picture above was actually shot outside my home. The blimp buzzed by my neighborhood last week. I thought it was strange that the blimp was over a small town instead of the big cities until I realized that the blimp probably lands at the Crystal airport (not to far from where I live).

The other day the blimp had to fight gusty winds while making its way around Minneapolis. My wife was downtown for an Engineering class (I don't really understand, and I can't pretend to). So, she sees the blimp fighting to maintain control, but it's getting bounced around in the wind. "You can almost see the pilot fighting at the controls," she tells me. But then, she hits me with a gem that I deem the quote of the day.

"Yeah that blimp getting bounced around is alot like Fox 9 News. It's aimless, bouncing all over the place in order to be seen, full of hot air, and kinda pointless."

Regardless of how you feel about Fox 9 News, her comment is just plain funny. What with the new website that just shares the love for Fox 9, it's kinda funny that station is being turned on.

All right, off to the hockey game.

Mail Mondays (11/7/05)

Ugh. I feel so utterly drained. This morning I fell down my steps. It has not been a Leab-friendly day. Before we get started, let's hit a few points here:
-One of my favorite people, Meridita, has a new puppy. A beautiful dog. She needs a name and is taking suggestions. Head on over there and give it a try. Winner gets...well...nothing but gratitude. Still, that's something.
Due to the fact that I feel...not so good, tonight's mail will be short and sweet.

A few days ago, I mentioned that the President needs to "Dave" it up. In that entry, I mentioned that America just isn't ready to vote in a woman for President of the United States. One of my favorite Libertarians, Admin Worm, felt that I was wrong. His comment?
I disagree with your statement "This country is still YEARS from ever putting a woman in the white house." I would no sooner vote against someone for what's between their legs than I would the color of their skin.
My response?
Worm, you know I think you're a smart guy, but you are NOT representative of the entire country. You would think that with the progressive thinking that so many people claim to have that a woman or a person of color would be a shoo-in for the seat of seats. Unfortunately, you're forgetting the previous elections. What do I mean?
-We know people aren't ready for people of color because of the tactics Karl Rove used to remove McCain. His adopted daughter, referred to as black, was used to attack McCain's character.
-What is the largest voting population in this country? Clock's ticking...anyone? Yup, it's the older generations. Unfortunately, the old cronies who run this country and who vote will not put in a woman or a person who isn't a good ole white Christian.
I would love, LOVE to see Rice vs. Clinton. I think it would be great. It won't happen. Everyone in both parties will push for men. Why? Because boys will be boys.
It's frustrating, but this country just isn't ready for a Mary Robinson (the fmr. President of Ireland). We seem to be the only country (save for the Middle East) that isn't ready for women in power. How interesting.
I still think you're a brilliant guy, Worm, but you and I are in a very small minority of men.

Leab,
Why won't you talk about politics. What's wrong with politics? Everyone talks about politics, so why should you be so different?
Curious G

G,
That's just it: EVERYONE talks about politics. It drives me nuts. I do it every once in a while, but here's why it's a problem: Rather than get all the facts, most people just take the word of the media (Left or Right) and just respout what they say. If not the media, then the party's talking points. I truly believe a majority of people no longer really THINK about what they're being told, but just take it and accept it. Want an example?
People on the right say that people on the left are all children who are ruining this country.
People on the left say that people on the right are all evil evangelists who are runining this country.
Wow. I feel like I just watched 24 hours of Fox News/CNN/MSNBC and a pinch of Comedy Central.
Personally, I believe that politics is really Latin for "No longer care about the people." We are NOT a true Democracy. Seriously. YOU do not have any real power anymore. Your power puts the person in office. That's it. It's up to them to decide if they are looking out for your best interest. That's why I don't talk about politics. It just makes me angry.

I think that's going to be it for tonight.
Look for Ramblings tomorrow.
Later, Gator.

Follow-Up

Quick Follow-Up.
Yes, I do realize that my last post had some political issues and such in it, and I know I said I wouldn't go off on politics. Technically, I didn't. If I really wanted to, I could sit down everyday and rail and rant about American politics. However, this blog would get boring really fast (as least to me). Yes, occasionally I will mention political aspects, but that doesn't mean I am going against my stance against doing political issues everyday.
There ya go folks.

The President Needs a Dave Moment

The other night I couldn't sleep, so I started watching television. I don't know what channel it was, but the film Dave had just started. For those of you who don't know, Dave is about a look-alike who ends up filling in for the President of the United States after a stroke. Dave (the look-alike) is told to play along with what the Chief of Staff tells him to do, but he breaks stride and tries to help the country instead. This includes getting a bill signed that deals with getting people jobs (this was in 1993). The more I watched this film, the more I realized that our current president needs to think about this film. With his approval rating at an all-time low for himself and for any president (watch out Hoover, your place in history may be usurped...USURPED!), President Bush may need to pull a Kovic/Mitchell. Let me explain using another president: Kennedy.
When John F. Kennedy Jr. died, I didn't hear about it until I was sitting in a bar in St. Louis. Before I continue, I should mention one thing: this was an Irish bar with a nice big picture of JFK over the bar. This will be important later. So, JFK jr is dead. I turn to the guy next to me and say, "Do you ever think they faked it?"
"Huh?" is the response I get.
"Do you ever think the Kennedy family faked all the deaths?"
"Are you nuts? Why would they do that?"
Now, with some alcohol in my system, I actually concocted the following conspiracy theory:
"Well let's go all the way back. JFK was not the greatest president. Did he do some good things? Sure. He started the Space Program and averted (though almost also started) a nuclear war. However, he was not "the great man" everyone thought he was. He cheated on his wife, and he played everything fast and loose. Hell, if he hadn't died when he did, he probably would have screwed up the country.
So the family knows things are going downhill, but they want Kennedy's new baby (The Space Program) to continue, so they do the only thing that seems to work in movies and literature: They fake his death. That's why so many people can't agree on what happened on that day in Dallas. He never really died. They needed it to look like he did. Some makeup and a willing to play along Jackie O sets Kennedy free and saves NASA. She is also set free from the marriage (something she had wanted ever since she learned he was stooping Marilyn Monroe). Now, He needs a place to go, so the family buys a compound in the Bahamas where no will really look (say Martinique) and send JFK down there.
Soon, however, he gets lonely. He starts communicating with brother Robert. Robert has become disillusioned with politics, so he, too, fakes his own death. Again, closed casket funerals mean the body doesn't have to be there, and if it were open casket, it would be easy to fake. Robert now joins his brother in Martinique (or whereever).
Ted had his chance, but he screwed it up. Instead of waiting for the divers to come get him, he panicked and opened the door to the car too early. So, the girl died, and Ted was banished from joining his brothers.
Thus, John Jr. decided to join the rest of his family. I mean have they found his body yet? (Author's note: I don't remember. Did they ever find his body?) I don't think so. This is all a way to get away from it all."
After finishing this lovely speech, the bartender, who was also one of the owners, kicked me out. The guy sitting next to me just sat there with his mouth open. I was told, "Get out. NOW! Or I'll toss you out!" Oh well.
This brings me back to my point. In Dave, because the President dies, the rest of the government works to keep his bill alive and help people get jobs. Kennedy died and it helped NASA (Oddly true). So I was thinking: with so many government people wanting Bush to go, why not do this: Have Bush introduce a bill that the Republicans want passed but could be tough to get through to pass. Then, have Bush fake his death. Cheney gets installed and everyone feels so bad that it passes. Seriously, what's Bush going to do after he gets out of office? Run another company into the ground? No. Is he going to teach classes? Probably not. Host a talk show? Not without REALLY good writers he's not. Motivational speaker? I think Clinton and Bush Sr. have that one locked. So, he fakes his death and moves to a mansion in South America. I mean it's like Texas, only with less white people. That shouldn't be a problem, should it?
Anyway, he fakes his death, the nation mourns, and his bill is passed. Then, Cheney decides not to run in 2008, and we get the ultimate face off in 2008. Condi vs. Hillary. Could you imagine it? Who the hell would everyone vote for? Seriously. This country is still YEARS from ever putting a woman in the white house. It would be the only time Nader could win. I don't know what it is about women, but this country fears a woman in charge. However, that's not the point right now. We'll leave that until 2007...when it's relevant.
I know what you're thinking: What the hell are you thinking? Fake his death? Why the hell would he do that? Well, if you think about the presidency as a business, then the stock holders are losing confidence. When that happens, the company is in serious trouble. Take note, the consumers are really losing their confidence in this company.
Side note: The phrase "The criminalization of politics" is now banned. You can't say it's never been like this before when we had...oh...Watergate, Iran-Contra, and every little thing that they attempted to pin on Clinton. Scandals in the White House are nothing new. Get over it.
It just might work if Bush is willing to go through with it. I mean if 9/11 and Terrorism used over and over and over again can get things done, imagine how politicians can use the death of one of their own.
Then again, what do I know? I believe William Henry Harrison got Pneumonia on purpose in order to get out of office. I could be wrong.

Up for Air

Whew!
What a long week. Between the show (Cyrano went well), the end of the quarter, and "real life", I was in a lot of pain last night. By the time I got home to my wife (who was already in bed and feeling horrible), I thought I was going to collapse. Would you like some highlights? Too bad, you're getting them anyway!

We left our intrepid hero (ok, me) on Tuesday. Having taught three people how to run the show, I was feeling confident that everything would be all right. That was my first mistake. As Wednesday morning dawned, I had this...eerie feeling. I already knew I would be covering a colleague's classes while he was gone, but I had no idea that every single one of the kids in those classes was, in fact...from the class I taught this past summer. That's right: Most of the kids I had failed in the summer reading course were still in the high school. Front and center was the girl whose mother had tracked me down and screamed at me for failing her daughter. Sadly, they were just as I had remembered. Sigh. Best moment? I asked which president was involved with Watergate (they had been studying that time period). The answer? Well, it went as follows:
"Which president was involved with Watergate? Yes?"
"Bill Clinton!"
"Um, no. Yes?"
"George Washington?"
"This was about 30 years ago, so no. Anyone else? You."
"Uh....What was his name....Uh....That guy....Oh yeah, Kennedy!"
"Um, wow. No. There was a Kennedy that was part of a different scandal. (It gets quiet.) Anyone else. (I count to six, finally a hand goes up.) You."
"Was it Richard Nixon?"
"Bingo!"
(Same kid) "I guess that makes sense, it says in our book he resigned due to Watergate."
All I'm saying is....WOW!
When not working with these kids, I was in the theatre trying to get everything to work. Just when I would have one light fixed, another would break. It was like stacking dominos. One afternoon four (count 'em FOUR) bulbs popped. Add to that trying to set up lights for action going on in the audience, and the stress just kept on building.

Wednesday night! Oh lord, that was dress rehearsal. Oy VEY!
-I bought pizza for everyone...but no one saved me a slice.
-My crew suddenly forgot everything we had talked about with regards to running the lights, so we had to start completely over in writing the cues. However, I will say this: Nora is going to be better at lighting than her brother. Mark my words.
-Watching the show on Wednesday night, the director and I had a long chat about his retirement. He talked about how sometimes, "In years like these, it can't come soon enough." Now, I'm already stressed as my wife is sick, I haven't been sleeping (at this point it's been a long time since I slept through the night), and I'm trying to get my colleagues grades in for him because the quarter is ending (what the hell was I thinking?) and now I'm trying to console a man who's been teaching forever. It was a long night. After getting home and checking in on my wife, I stayed up watching Dave, which lead me to an idea for George W. Bush (more on that later).
-Emma showed up. I've mentioned her before. Even though she's at a different school now, she showed up to dress rehearsal. This leads to everyone asking me how I feel about her being there, or as I call it: Another distraction. She would also show up on Thursday.

Thursday. That feeling I had was worse as I woke up on the floor in the same clothes from the night before. I hadn't even made it to the bed. Sometime around 3 in the morning, I made my way to the bedroom and passed out on the floor. When the alarm went off a couple of hours later, I was mighty surprised.
Classwise, it was...tiring:
-Began All the President's Men. First question (seriously): "Why does this film take place in the 70's?" For the rest of the period, all I heard was, "This is boring," "Why do we need to know this?", or, "What does this have to do with what we were studying?" I can't tell you how close I was to yelling "Because this is about Watergate, you schmuck!"
-I attempted to relax on Thursday only to be sucked into a conversation about how one the students and I are going to have 24 children. What makes this funny? Well, how about the principal showing up to hear the end of the conversation and ask me questions about it. Awesome!
Now, Thursday night was the opening of Cyrano. It went well, but there were some problems. The light board operator that night got Tourette's in his hand and double clicked the button on one occasion. Luckily, he had listened to me when I mentioned the "HOLD" button. It stopped the blackout. He screwed up on two other cues, but it was ok. Other problems?
-The actor playing Cyrano lost his nose during the first scene.
-The actors weren't in places when the lights came up. Luckily one girl was and she was able to fuss about on stage until the rest of the actors showed up.
-This one's for Greta: "You want a fair day's work? Pay a fair day's wage." That sound like the line? No? Let me know what it is when you remember it. (I kid because I care.)
-Emma. You know, everytime I think that girl is totally over me, she goes and does something like...oh, I don't know...fake my signature on her butt (and Blair's chest). Yeah, you got it wrong. You should make sure I'm not at the top of the steps or anything before trying that. Even more fun was watching Elizabeth turn bright red when I mentioned her part of it. Yeah, the whole signature was wrong. Good try though.
-You can tell when a person doesn't like you. It's in the eyes. Somehow the relationship has changed. Maybe it's because you're too much alike, or maybe it's something else. Put it this way: It's really hard to put your trust and faith in someone when they turn around and burn you at every step. It's hard to sing the praises of people who don't return the act or behave in such a way as to no longer deserve it. Sometimes, however, you just have to watch someone self-destruct. It's hard, but you have to go boom sometimes in order to learn.
The rest of the night was pretty quiet. I went home and figured I could relax. I was wrong. Didn't sleep AT ALL that night. I never even closed my eyes. Too much work to do and too hyped on all the things I had to fix in order to sleep. Thus, as the sun rose on Friday, my brain was hurting.

Friday. We'll skip the fun day of classes which saw the end of the film, multiple questions about what happened, and five kids sent to the office. It was Friday and the end of the quarter. Yup.
That night, the show went well (from what I was told. I was tending to my wife).
-I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Nora kicks serious ass. It also helps when the posted rule in the booth is for Rob not to touch her. Trust me: this is a good rule.
-The cast had no idea I had shown up for strike. When I started barking out orders after the cast photo, I apparently spooked a few people.
-We started strike at 5 minutes after ten p.m. with instructions to be done by 10:30. Between myself and the crew, we had everything done in 20 minutes. Damn those kids can be good when motivated. It makes me actually excited for the spring play. I now have a sophomore and a freshman who can run lights and sound, and both of them want to learn the ins and outs of it. I might suggest that one of them move to crew, but we'll see.
-Best moment: Trying to quickly break down the scaffolding, seven students can't tell that the brakes are on the wheels. They need to be unlocked to make it work.
-Worst moment: A student brings me the drill and says, "I don't know where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing....How did I get this drill?"
-There was a cast party, but I realized two things:
1. It's weird when your teacher shows up.
2. No one told me where it was. In essence, I wasn't invited. The director hoped I would show up, but again, no idea where it was.
As for sleeping, well, I admit I found a cheat to help me. I got home, my wife was asleep, and I was on my last legs. I down a full shot of NyQuil (MMM the Q) and passed out. Got up nice and early today to work on everything I had neglected around the home. You gotta love it.
Moral of the story: There is no moral. Ok, maybe we all have to learn how to balance our time and energy or were going to pay for it.
Admit it, you missed me a little. Well, I missed you.
Talk to you later.

Tech Week

Ok, so it's tech week this week. Add to that the end of the quarter, and I have a lot a work ahead of me. So I won't be posting for the next few days (Unless, by some miracle, I get some time during the day to post...it could happen).
Thanks to everyone who responded to yesterday's posts. Honestly, I'm not angry that someone thought I was Henry Rollins. I was really more angry that the guy wouldn't leave me alone at first. I'm also more confused about it. I mean Rollins is a cool bad ass, and I'm...Leab. It's odd.
I'll leave you with this: Yesterday, I had a few trick or treaters. Most were just bland store-bought costumes, but a few instances were...memorable. I had a pair of 40 (that's 4-0, not 4) year olds in costume that asked for candy. No kids, no little children around them. No, these were adults dressed as Sonny and Cher asking for candy. It was odd.
The absolute best moment, however, was the kid in the Batman suit who attempted to steal my bowl of candy. Seriously. This kid, maybe six years old, grabs the bowl and starts to try and run off. He misjudges how big I am. When the bowl doesn't move, he pulls harder. I said, "Hey! What are you doing? You got your candy." His mother comes running up to me and starts yelling at me for correcting her kid. She asks, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" I looked at her and responded, "Trying to keep your kid from stealing my bowl. You want to tell him to stop then?" I thought this woman was going to hit me. "Don't you accuse my son of stealing. How dare you!?" Sigh.
My other favorite moment was a mother who told me I was giving her child, "Too much candy!" That's right: Her daughter was getting TOO MUCH CANDY! On Halloween. Wow.
Two handfuls is too much? Oy.
Otherwise it was fine. No eggs or tp at my house. My neighbors? Not so lucky.
Talk to you when I can.

Finding Ways to Relax

Ok, so even though the Rollins story was funny (at least to me), I'm still kinda pissed. At what? Life, the fact that people don't realize when a joke is a joke (right, Worm?), ungrateful people. Still, I don't want to be so angry, so I look at these two pretty boys.
I know I've mentioned it before, but I have three cats. The one on the left is the most evil cat ever. The one on the right...well he wants to be human. He tries to use a fork and knife. What cat does that? Still, they make me laugh. My third cat (the black cat) is camera shy. Plus, a few years ago, someone tried to steal him from me on Halloween. I'm not kidding.
So let's break it down...then I relax with my boys.
Life: You know, the entire month of October was terrible. I really don't like my Birthday, for one thing, and I'm really frustrated with my health, my wife's health, and more. Someone asked me once, "If God hates you, what do you do?" Normally I would answer, "God doesn't hate you. He's not out to make it personal. Seriously." Now, however, I'm starting to think, "Hate him back," might be the right answer. Oh I know, I still believe God is not a cosmic bellboy, and I believe I'm not part of some master plan, but some days...some days.
Jokes: People cannot take a joke. We take life so damn seriously nowadays. I drop a joke about God, people flip out. I make a joke about women, I MUST be a misogynist. For the love of Mike, people, it's called a SENSE OF HUMOR! What's next? No jokes about penguins, it's insensitive. Hell, I call one of my students "Flock of Seagulls" because of his hair. He doesn't really get it, but he laughs. So do his parents, but they get it. Now I'll get some comment about how I'm hurting this boy. Ugh.
Ungrateful People: I'm starting to think helping people is a bad idea. I gave up my day to help some of my students with their problems and with the show that opens on Thursday. I got 1 thank you from a student who needed a laugh. The rest? Nothing. I helped my neighbors move an air conditioner...by myself. Did I get a thanks? NO! It's not that hard. Just say, "Hey, thanks."
And if I help you and give up my time, don't lecture me about the work I'm doing. You're just damn lucky I care.
That's it. I'm going to go hug my cats and figure out how to relax. Here's the third one, he just walked in:

Another Mistaken Identity

Usually, as you all know, I am mistaken for Greg Grunberg (see picture at right). This isn't a bad thing except when people don't believe that I'm not him. This happened a few weeks ago when a woman was so sure I was Mr. Grunberg that she told me, "unless I see two forms of ID to prove you aren't him, I'm not leaving you alone." I thought she was kidding. She wasn't. Anyway, while in downtown Minneapolis today, I was mistaken for another celebrity. Who you ask? Well, let me tell you a story....
Walking out of St. Thomas, I headed toward Hennepin Ave (I had a free parking voucher for a garage near The Saloon. So, as I cross the street, a guy starts shouting at me.
I love when someone starts with the following opener:
"Holy SHIT! Do you know who you are?"
If you answer, "No," and walk off, a person will follow you.
If you answer, "Yes," then they expect you to be a buddy.
I split the middle ground: "Maybe. Who wants to know?"
I start to walk away. I want to get home.
"NO, wait, DUUUUUDDE! I love you. You're awesome. Oh my God. What are you doing here? Don't you have a show in like an hour?"
"Yeah, but I need to relax. You know...work out the nervousness."
"Huh?"
"Look, who do you think I am?"

"Dude. You're FUCKING HENRY ROLLINS!"
I managed to lose this guy, but explain to me this: How do I go from Greg Grunberg to Henry Rollins. I seriously do not get it. Yes, I was wearing a black t-shirt, but I don't have the cool factor, the tattoos, or the (to be frank) age.
Don't get me wrong, I think Rollins is awesome. His music is interesting, he's quite a good comedian, and if you overlook Johnny Mnemonic, he's not a bad actor. (Side note: JM was not his fault, but it was...not so good, "Just Johnny.")
Hey, it would be cool if I were Greg Grunberg or Henry Rollins. I'm not. I'm just plain ole Leab.
For better or for worse.
Unfortunately for a friend of mine, he looks like Brad Pitt. His life is SOOOO rough. Bastard.
Then again, what do I know? I wasn't the guy who played the Pilot on Lost. I could be wrong.

Mail Mondays (10/31/05)

Happy Halloween. Yes, it's that time of year when children (and some adults) dress up in costumes and parade around the neighborhood. I can already tell you that I've had two adults (yes, ADULTS) in costume come to my door for candy. Yup, two older women in masks asked me for candy. Isn't it supposed to be for kids?
On a side note, I went to St. Thomas tonight to talk to a class about what to do when a student has a crush on you (or asks you to Prom, as it were). I also had to speak to the National Council for Accreditation of Teacher Education. Why? It was my job to talk about all the good things about St. Thomas. I played my part, but when I mentioned one negative thing, they held me after everyone left to get my "full" impression. It was...fun. Yeah, fun.
How about some mail?
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Leab,
Are you Slanderous Minneapolis?
A Depressed Reader (Remember, names are changed to protect the innocent...or the dumb).

Dear Depressed Reader,
I wish I was the Slanderizer. That site gets lots of readers, is always funny, and even won an award (Twin Cities locally generated Blog of the Year). While I may be able to write a piece here and there about Chris Conangla or whoever, I am not the Slanderizer. Nope. That's Jason DeRusha. Ok, just kidding, he's really Don Shelby.
Seriously though, I have no clue who the Slanderizer is. I just send a piece every now and then to see if I'm actually funny. Apparently I'm mean and can get people fired. So, who's next?
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Dear Mr. Leab
Why are boys so stupid? I mean, a girl throws herself at a guy, and he slinks away? Doesn't that mean he's gay? What the hell?
Sexually Frustrated Gal

Ah, Gal. You have the age old problem. You're a vivacious young woman who really wanted this guy to play rough with you, but he was scared at how forward you are. No, it doesn't mean he's automatically gay. That would make life easier if it did, though, wouldn't it? No, I'm afraid your boy was probably a virgin and scared about his performance. You see, not all men are raging hormones who want sex all the time. We do have our lucid moments. Really.
However, we're talking about a high school age kid. He may be nice, but instead of talking to you about the future and how he feels and his fears, he decided to break it off. So here's my advice. Let it go. Soon you'll be done with high school and most college guys are more mature (no really) and will be able to help you.
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Leab,
Two-parter: 1. Have you ever held up a Starbucks?
2. What does "lost years" mean?
A Bored Student

Bored Student,
1. No. Seriously, you've been in my class, do I look like the kind of guy who would hold up a Starbucks? Wait, wait, wait. What I mean is, why would I hold up a Starbucks? I have an ok salary teaching, and my wife works as well. Look, I don't like the Starbucks crowd, but that doesn't mean I would commit violence against it. Sheesh.
2. Sigh. At one point, while in college, I became...a drunk. I reacted badly to some events in my life and decided to drink reality away. There are a lot of days during that time that I don't remember. It's sad but true.
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Hey Idiot,
How dare you defend Spike Lee! He's a racist pig. This is a man who basically hates white people. Are you an idiot? If he said something that was against his own race, it was probably done at gunpoint.
Ass,
A Loving Reader

Dear Loving Reader,
If I didn't know better, I might believe you were a big fan of Prussian Blue. Seriously. Look, we all have opinions. I believe Spike Lee was right, and I believe calling him an "Uncle Tom" is not a positive thing.
There's a great song from the show Avenue Q called "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist." It's a great song. Essentially the song says it's title. Everyone has a little bit of racism. It's not a bad thing, it's just life. We all have some sort preconceived notion about another race that might be bad. Example? All Asian people drive badly. Racist? Sure. Do alot of people believe it? I bet if you took a poll, people who didn't have to show their face or use their name would say, "Yes."
I agree with what Spike Lee said. I think he has a better insight into African-American society than I do, but I agree that the idea of the "Gangsta" lifestyle gives modern teenagers and kids ideas that will never (and in some cases should never) come true. We don't need more killers out there. We don't need a "new mafia" as one rapper proclaims.
Sorry you disagree with me, but that's what I believe.
Ok one more.
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Leab,
To borrow a phrase from PTI, why do you slurp Jason DeRusha so much?
A Concerned Citizen

CC,
You know what? He's a nice guy. He's actually taken the time to comment on my blog and consistently writes on mnspeak.com. Sure, he wears high heeled boots now and then, but who doesn't? Ok besides me? Ok besides you? Ok screw you. He's a good guy. Get over it.

All right, that does it for today's mail. See you all tomorrow. Keep those comments and emails coming.

Ramblings for the Morning (10/29/05)

So my doctor calls me about my blood tests. I've already spoken to another nurse and another doctor about what's going on, so I understand everything. He says, "Do you know what it means that your numbers came back as they did?" Obviously, this shows that no one talks to each other. "Yes, I understand what it means. It's all been explained." I'm hoping for some sort of nice comment back, but no. I get this instead: "Oh, cool. Well, I can leave early today then. Thanks." Then he hangs up. I really hate doctors.
Well, without further ado: STOP LOOKING AT ME, SWAN!
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Satellite Radio:
I have a subscription to XM Radio, and I really like it. Most stations have no commercials and it's not very often that I hear a song repeated. That's great, but there are some changes afoot that I don't like. For example:
1. Sirius Radio (XM's competition) is starting an all-Bruce Springsteen station called E-Street. That's right, all Boss, all the time. Hell, if you just sprinkle in the occasional Skynyrd song, we already have that hear in the Twin Cities. We call it KQRS.
2. Pricing. When I joined it was only ten bucks a month to get everything. Now, they are starting to go the way of TV. They are creating tiers where the more you spend, the more stations you get. I was hoping that with the popularity of the Ipod, they wouldn't do this. Podcasts are growing in numbers.
3. Ipods. When will satellite and Ipod just come together. Seriously. You can either listen to the stations on the satellite, or switch over and hit your playlist. It's the best of both worlds. Make it happen, Apple.
4. Regular radio is dying. Seriously. Why listen to commercial after commercial when you can just put on a station that's all music all the time? Several local Disc Jockeys have made comments about the fact that very soon down the line, everyone will just move to satellite radio in order to get their music. Or, heaven forbid, not listen to the radio at all thanks to online music.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe alot of you out there love regular radio, but imagine being able to listen to talk radio without interruptions except for news or station identification. Wouldn't that be great. That leads me to my next topic.
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Jack FM...Is a Bit of a Fraud:
Yes, It's great that they don't take requests. That means we don't get "Sweet Home Alabama" every five minutes (again, KQRS). Still, what no one really talks about with the station is this: They don't play as much music as other stations.
When you can't sleep, you keep busy. I do housework, paint, whatever. When the power went down here, and I couldn't sleep, I strapped on a flashlight and headphones and painted in the dark. I listened to JACK for awhile and noticed that the station plays three songs, then does two and half minutes of commercials. Then it's three more songs, then the commercials again. On and on it goes. Just when you are getting into the groove, they cut to "Arthur's Jewelers, the king of DIAMONDS!!!" It's annoying. Yes, I love that they will play Blondie, and then segue into "Kung Fu Fighting", then hit with the only good song by Dead or Alive, but then we get a commerical. Imagine being at a club and the DJ plays three great songs then takes a three minute break. Wouldn't that throw you off?
I do have one other complaint. Again, it's great that they don't take requests, but I would still like to know the name of the song being played. I heard this one song I hadn't heard since the 80s, and I could not get the name. Let us know what you're playing. That way, maybe we'll buy the CD (or download the song) and give that artist some money. After all, it is all about Capitalism, isn't it?
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Jason DeRusha:
You know, most of our local celebrities couldn't care less about us. You walk up, say hello, they shoot you a dirty look, and walk off. DeRusha is different. He's actually, shock of shocks, a nice guy. Granted, he likes to wear high heels on the newscasts, which is cool, but odd. Still, he's approachable. I remember a few years back at the state fair when all the news people were out. Chris Conangla (who I'm not a big fan of) really didn't want people coming near him. You could see it in his body language. Everytime a fan stopped to see him, he would cringe, hoping that they would go see Jordana instead. Don Shelby? Probably would kill you, put you in a trunk, and throw you in the river. I could go on and on. If you bump into Jason at, say, the former Bear Rock Cafe, and give him a compliment, he actually stops, says thank you, and makes (horror of horrors) eye contact. He actually attempts to be nice, which you don't see very often anymore.
Hell, Tom Brokaw once hit me with a golf club just because I said, "You read the news awesomely!" As he walked off, he muttered, "Bad grammar idiots." Ok, that's not true...he didn't say anything, but still, DeRusha, he's a good guy. Remember that. Just don't bug him when he's with his kid. That's just rude.
And finally:
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New Yorkers Scared...again:
Yes, the people in New York are scared because, (and I kid you not) the city smells "too good" right now. For some unknown reason, Manhattan smells like maple syrup. It's a great smell, but New Yorkers are worried that this is some sort of attack. One woman on CNN actually said, "Oh my GAWD. That smell? I think it's terrorists trying to make us feel betta. Then they'll hit hawrd." (Yes, I am attempting to write dialect. Bite me.)
Look, most of the time, NY smells like hot garbage. The fact that it smells like an Eggo waffle should be a good thing, not bad.
Then again, what do I know? My house smells like Apple Pie, and my neighbors think I'm a terrorist in hiding. I could be wrong.

Life: Rated for Your Approval

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.8
Mind:	6.8
Body:	6.1
Spirit:	7.8
Friends/Family:	6
Love:	9.1
Finance:	8.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

One of my favorite students took this quiz and scored (at least she felt) slightly low on it. Well, being as my insomnia has been kicking in alot lately (here's a tip: If you sprain your ankle, find a way to not swing that ankle into a cat and thereby wake up in pain...not a good idea), I figured, "What the hell?" The questions are pretty easy, and I was very surprised at the outcome. I figured I should talk about each of this:

I understand why Love has the highest score: I'm a happily married man coming up on the five year anniversary. My wife and I click, and I dig that.

Finance is funny. I'm a teacher who doesn't make "the big bucks" as my wife's co-workers like to tell me. Yet, I'm happy about my job which means I have a high score. Ah the balance of life.

The thing that gets me is the high spirit score. I'm essentially an Agnostic Taoist. Yet, I have no problem with that. I do have a problem with blind faith (which seems to be happening more and more), yet my spirit score is higher than a friend of mine who is a devout (and I mean DEVOUT) Catholic. This is a guy who praises God at every turn, yet his spirit score was lower than mine. Maybe it's because of his philosophies about life, I don't know.

Considering that I am an angry, slightly obsessive-compulsive insomniac, who, in his own opinion, is out of shape, my score was much higher than I thought it would be. It's very strange.

Oh, and Herr Worm...apparently...I'm Stoner Bear. Trippy.

Then again, what do I know? I'm the guy in the back of the church asked to leave because I fell asleep. I could be wrong.

Frustration

Ok, so...I may have hurt my ankle again.
I also may need to go to the hospital again, and we all know how much I hate that place.
I'm not having a good day.
Blogger erased my post twice, so I'm giving up.
I'm taking a short break while I try to get my crap together.
Yeah.
Happy birthday John Cleese.
I'm out.

Fun With Lists

This is the first time I have ever been nailed with one of these. I've seen them on Michele's blog, but I figured I was safe. Then again, I thought the same thing about comment spammers (I hate them so much). And, because I can't sleep, I present 30 questions.
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1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Oh jiminy. John Cleese, Kelly Osbourne, Scott Weiland, Simon Lebon, Dylan Thomas (ties into my parents..weirdly) and Teddy Roosevelt.
2. Where was your first kiss?
First kiss ever was by the jungle gym in 3rd grade.
First hardcore (read longer than two seconds) was in 9th grade behind the gym.
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
What is "seriously vandalized"? Doesn't matter, yes.
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
If you don't count checking, then no. Never once come close even when pushed.
5. Have you ever sang in front of a large number of people?
Yup. In my 6th grade music teacher's drapes even. I sang a song about being the sun. I'm not kidding. It was based on a japanese fable. The sun and the moon watched over everything and commented in song. I've also sung in public both drunk and not.
6. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
You know, I would love to be noble and say something like, "They way they talk, or the way they wear their hat," but I have to be honest. The first thing ANYONE notices about the opposite sex is how they look. It's the first thing we see. Duh! If I have to pick a specific part, it's the eyes. Bodies come and go, but the eyes tell the whole story of a person.
7. What really turns you on?
A great sense of humor, showing intelligence without showing off, and slight daring.
8. What do you order at Starbucks?
Everyone to get on the ground while I rob the place. I mean $3.25 for a small coffee? You have the money. Ok, fine. I don't drink coffee. So the very last time I was at Starbucks, I was at the airport waiting for my wife. I ordered hot cocoa and a cookie. Yes, I'm that much of a dork, and a big kid.
9. What is your biggest mistake?
The one I know about? Those "lost" years. The one I don't? Is there a mini-me out there I haven't met yet?
10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Sure. First of all, it can make people laugh. Secondly, humans are slightly self-destructive. Eat at a fast food restaurant? You're hurting yourself. You get the idea.
11. Say something totally random about yourself.
I don't have to grow up, but I have to get old. Not random enough? When I was a kid, I believed my stuffed bear had feelings, so I could never throw it away. When my dog ate it...I was crushed.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Oh God. I've mentioned this before. Yes. Greg Grunberg.
13. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
What is a "kiddy movie" or "tv show"? I like Charlie Brown, the Batman (orig) cartoon, and Disney flicks. Need more? I think I have a Squirtle (from Pokemon) a kid I used to work with gave me. Not embarassed.
14. Did you have braces?
Yes. Yes I did. And I have a great smile to prove it.
15. Are you comfortable with your height?
Comfortable? Yeah, though I often wonder what it would be like to be shorter or taller.
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
Stuck around. Ok, seriously though, the MOST romantic thing? Pretended to be drunk in order to stay at my house and talk to me for most of the night.
17. When do you know it's love?
When you don't look around anymore. When that person is the only one you see. When you suddenly smile when you hear or see them.
18. Do you speak any other languages?
I speak German, I have rudimentary Spanish and Italian, and I can swear and ask for bathrooms or beer in many other languages.
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
Been to one? Yes. Tanned there? NOOOO. I prefer the old fashioned way.
20. What magazines do you read?
Way too many. Sampling? Wine Spectator, Entertainment Weekly, The Hockey News, Newsweek, and on and on it goes. There's a stack of magazines next to my desk that's...let me measure here...9 inches tall. That's about two weeks worth of magazines. I read too much.
21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Yup, but I still prefer to drive in style, instead of ride.
22. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
Sadly yes. Too many.
23. Do you watch mtv?
When I can't sleep, and they actually show videos (around three in the morning).
24. What's something that really annoys you?
Damn know-it-alls. Especially teenage know-it-alls. The one's who think they have life figured out, but have never worked a day in their life. Ugh.
25. What's something you really like?
My wife, my cats, hockey, and wine. In that order.
26. Do you like Michael Jackson?
I think the better question is: Does he like me? The answer to that is no. Do I like him? Well, he's not bad in doses. Any music heard over and over and over gets annoying.
27. Can you dance?
Ever seen Napoleon Dynamite? Yeah, that's me, but more white. But I can waltz, baby. I can waltz.
28. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
I performed a psychological experiment in college to see the effects of a person who stayed up for a week. It almost killed me. I managed to make it to day six before my body shut down on me. That was another rough period.
29. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
Yup, when I was two. I had feveral convulsions and stopped breathing. My sister Constance told me years later that she was so mad at me, because she was supposed to get ice cream, but because of me...she didn't. I think she may still be bitter to this day...and she's lactose intolerant, people!
30. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
I do. Even if you're incredibly boring. Why? It's good insight into people.
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Feel free to answer these questions on your own blog or send me answers to one or more in comments or in my email.
Oh and happy birthday to Xavier Pagano. You're now a 1 year old. Congrats.
Someday, little XAP, you may read this and see this picture of yourself as a youngin' and ask, "What the hell am I doing?" Well, when you were this small, your really enjoyed sucking on my finger. Why? I have no clue. If you were fussy, crying, or whatever, I just put my finger in your hand, you put it in your mouth and started going to town. I had to pull VERY hard to get my finger back. It was cute and kinda frightening at the same time. Sure do miss you being up here, kiddo.
Happy birthday.
Your (unofficial) uncle Leab.

A Late Night Joke (or Insomnia...she is a fickle thing)

So here's a joke for non-Vikings fans. I got it, oddly enough, from a Vikings fan who said, "Oh, I sadly agree with this...and it's quite funny." Enjoy.

Vikings Anthrax Threat a hoax
Minnesota Vikings football practice was delayed nearly two hours this morning after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach, Mike Tice, immediately suspended practice while police and federal agents were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed today after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.

Oh, and one more note (or rambling):
I got a letter in the mail today from St. Thomas. They have asked me to be a speaker when the NCATE (National Council of Accreditation of Teacher Education) to the school. Basically, I'm supposed to go and talk about how great the program is and why they should be allowed to keep their accreditation. Awesome. I think it's absolutely great they asked me...it means they forgot about the eight page letter I turned in on the day I finished my student teaching.
In every program I've ever been a part of, people complain to high heaven about what they don't like. These people make big statements like, "One day, I'm going to tell it like it is and tell off the head of the department." Then, when the time comes to talk about it, they chicken out and nothing happens. That's always pissed me off. I can remember one time while I was in college, I had a really bad experience on a show I was working on. The director, under a great deal of stress, started ripping into my crew when I was out of the room. He made two of my crew members cry (they were freshman and new to the game). That pissed me off. Now, at the end of every production is a post-mortem where you talk about issues and such. I had the verbal backing of the designers, some of the crew, and a few actors to back up my complaints about his (the director's) behavior. I go in, bring it up, and the room goes dead silent. Those bastardos and beeyotches left me high and dry. Why? They were afraid that complaining would mean they wouldn't get cast/hired/picked again. I stuck to my guns. It meant that I was banished to what was considered the worst productions, but I made those productions much better. In the end, my last show was with that same director. Wasn't a great experience the second time around either.
The point? Well, I complained during my tenure at St. Thomas about communication issues and more. To prove my point that I would complain, I wrote a manifesto as it were. Everything that went wrong while I was there was in paper form to be read by anyone. I talked about the communication issues, the fact that some faculty have taught before and others were brought in because of, "background knowledge." I hit every little issue from day 1 until my last day. During my exit interview, I made the woman talking to me cry. Then, they made me wait until the head of the department was available, and he and I talked for almost an hour. Suffice to say, he was not happy with my observations.
Yet, here I am being asked to tell a group of people why the school is so great. This may, in fact, reinforce my theory that no one in that program talks to each other. Don't get me wrong, I agreed to do it, because it looks good on the record. This a national council, and they have good connections.
Then again, what do I know? I get told by students that I don't communicate my feelings very well. I could be wrong.

Ramblings for the Evening (10/25/05)

Ugh. My wife is sick, and it's taking a toll on me. Before you think I'm an insensitive person, realize that I am taking care of her and myself as well as working as well as being an insomniac. Ugh. It was a long day.
Because my wife is sick, I'm not sure I'm going to the game tonight. We'll see.
Well, without further ado: HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!
Spike Lee
I watch Real Time With Bill Maher. I admit it. I find him funny. Anyway, he had Spike Lee on as one of his panelists and asked Spike about the new NBA Dress Code. Now, Spike Lee is about to turn 50 years old. He's been making movies for a long time, and he even has a new documentary about Hurricane Katrina. He responded that he doesn't really have a problem with the new dress code. He also let out that he isn't a big fan of the "Gangsta culutre in hip-hop."
Now, I'm a white guy, so I can't really talk too much about African-American culture (I also believe that as a guy, it's not really my place to talk about abortion...a woman does it, so it's hers to talk about...but that's for another time). However, here's my problem:
On the one hand, I understand the new NBA dress code, and I don't really disagree with them. No headphones? Fine. The players need to look nice? Fine. The players are representatives of the league and thus should look good.
On the other hand, this is a bunch of white guys telling mostly African-American men how they need to look in public. One owner, Mark Cuban (a white dude) disagrees with the dress code, but went along with it because the league told him to do so. This seems to be the only league with this kind of dress code. On off days, baseball players aren't told to be dressed in business casual.
Why do I bring up Spike Lee, you ask? Well, only one day after making those comments on Bill Maher's show, Spike was called the new version of "Uncle Tom." Many members of the "Gangsta" community that Spike disagreed with called him a, "Cosby." Cosby, as you may or may not remember, talked about how the new generation of African-Americans are not well educated and embarassing. At the same time, he railed against the neo hip-hop community. Lee, who has been an activist for years, is now being considered a traitor to his own race? What the hell is wrong with people? He doesn't agree with something. That's his opinion. Is he spending money to eradicate all traces of neo hip-hop in African- American culture? No. Just because he feels that it can be a bad influence doesn't mean he's against black people. Nor does it mean he's an "uncle tom." It's disappointing to hear this.
Hey, I don't like how neo hip-hop is influencing white people, does that mean I'm a traitor to my race? Anyone?
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Anger and the Computer Geek
I played tennis this past weekend against a guy who looks a lot like this. While he seemed mild-mannered, he immediately turned into the angriest person I have ever played against in my whole life (only in tennis, however). Every shot I called out, he questioned. He aimed for me when I was at the net. You're supposed to pass the opposing player, not take off a limb. At one point, I dove for a shot at net and popped the ball up. I could see this flash in his eyes, and he looked between me and the ball with this look of blood lust. He meant to smack that ball at me and hurt me. When he hit the ball, it just missed my head. He laughed after the ball got by and said, "Oh shucks. I just missed." Now, I can't really blame him. At one point, my mother jokingly offered me a quarter everytime I hit the guy teaching me tennis. Back to the point however. I knew he was a computer geek, because that's how he introduced himself to me. I asked him what he did for a living. His response? "Well, I do computer work. It's kinda hard to explain to people who don't know." Wow, way to underestimate my intelligence, dude. I know this guy is put upon at his job (he told me), and I know he's in a marriage where his wife and kids don't respect him (again, he told me. I had to hear a whole story about how his sons enjoy playing tennis against him and hitting him with the ball).
I used to be as competitive as this guy. If I didn't win, then I got angry. Hell, one year in college I wanted to win at Trivial Pursuit against my friends, so I "borrowed" the question cards and memorized ALL of them. I wanted to win. When I was a kid, I was so hardcore about wining that I would beat myself up if I didn't win both mentally and physically. Luckily my sisters beat the crap out of me and worked on breaking my ego. It made me a better person (seriously).
I mentioned last week I have been feeling really angry lately. Now I watched this guy as we played, and I saw myself. I heard the way he talked to himself, the way he moved when he hit the ball into the net, and more. He was just like me. During the first set (which he won easily), I was just like him. I was so angry, and my head just wasn't in the game. I was thinking about my wife, my life, hospitals and doctors, and more. After losing the first set, I walked to the bench, took a drink, and just looked at this guy. He was slumped over, shaking, and talking to himself about work. I saw myself, and I was shocked. I felt so stupid.
When I walked out to start the second set, I just let it all go. I figured out a way to just stop thinking: I let a song take over my brain. Seriously. I started whistling quietly. The song? My Blue Heaven. I don't know why, but it took over and that was the only thing I heard. It was the first time that I didn't have multiple things going through my head (see below to read more about my brain). I served better, and I played better. I ended up winning the next two sets, but not without dealing with his anger.
Maybe this is the first step to dialing back the anger, but only time will tell.
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Minnesotans Forgive those Vikes
Oh, I'm so disappointed in Vikings fans. Here are people crying out that the team needs to be broken up, that something needs to be done to punish these guys, and that it sickens them to think about it....And then the team beat the Packers, and, as one fan put it, "All is forgiven." That's a sad commentary folks. Hey, you're a rapist...but you're also our best player...win and we forget the sin (hmm, I sense a sign at the next home game). So let's hit a few of the problems here:
First of all, if you REALLY want to "hurt the team" or "get revenge" as so many people put it, then you need to NOT watch the game, NOT go to the game, or NOT listen to the game. If you want to the players to take notice, hit them where it hurts: the bank. No ratings, no revenue, no money. In the new millenium, it's all about the dough, isn't it?
Secondly, realize that Minnesotans, beyond being HUGE fairweather fans, are neither the best nor the worst fans when it comes to sports. They're near the top for hockey, but those crafty Canadiens are better and more supportive. Below is a list of the worst fans in four leagues.
Baseball: Hands down it's the Chicago White Sox fans. One fan slapped a player's wife, two other fans jumped out of the crowd, charged the Kansas City Royals' 1st base coach, and beat him.
Ever hear of Disco Demolition Night? It went from destroying Disco records to beatings and burnings. Yankee fans throw batteries. White Sox fans throw darts. Ouch.
Football: Hands down it's the Philadelphia Eagles' fans. They booed Santa, for cripes sake. They threw snowballs at their OWN TEAM! These guys are just finicky, they're down right vicious. They will throw batteries at fans of the other team.
Basketball: This was a tough one, but after careful consideration, the answer is Detroit. I hadn't thought about it, but years ago I went to a Pistons game with my mother. We sat almost all the way up at the top of the Palace of Auburn Hills. Even up there, when the team started losing, people attempted to throw things at the opposing team. Hell, about five years ago, a few Pistons fans figured out where the opposing teams were staying and phoned in prank calls about dead wives and such. That leads to...
Hockey: Maybe I'm biased from where I grew up, but the worst fans in the NHL are on the Island. That's right NY Islanders fans are the WORST in the NHL. Why? Let's look at the track record. They boo their own team for no reason, sometimes after they score. "The Islanders are winning? BOOOOOOO!" This is a team that had something called "the Santa Skate-Around" where children could skate on the ice with guys dressed as Santa. One fan took off his coat to reveal a NY Rangers jersey (the hated rival) and was beaten. Not only punched, but they found cuts on his body...from skates. That's hardcore hate, folks.
Am I disappointed in Vikings fans? Oh hell yes. They win, you forget about the troubles. If they lose every game for the rest of the season, will you still profess love? Probably not, I'm betting.
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A Sports Conspiracy: I just find it fascinating that Major League Baseball seems to be helping the Chicago White Sox. Three blown calls helped them get in and win the first two games of the World Series. Now, the Houston Astros aren't allowed to close their roof for tonight's games. That benefits the White Sox. Last year it was the Red Sox, now it's the White Sox. Yet there are no ratings. Perhaps this is a conspiracy, or perhaps it's just a mercy killing to end such a long season.
And finally:
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My Brain:
I had a student ask me the most random question: "How would you describe your brain?" I didn't understand the question at first. What the hell does that mean? So I asked, "What do you mean?" She explained to me that some people refer to their brain as a car, a house, a kitchen, a machine, etc. I had to think about it. What is my brain like?
After a minute, it dawned on me. I guess I had always known. My brain is like a radio. The more I thought about this, the more I realized why I can't sleep at night.
Imagine your brain is a radio. Most radios can only get one station at a time. Occasionally a second station flares in for a second, but more often than not, it's one station.
For me, there are four stations coming in clearly all at once. Seriously. I'm constantly multi-tasking while thinking or doing anything. Hell, while I write this, I'm also on the phone talking to someone, making a grocery list, and working out the "to do" list for the rest of my week. What's worse is when everything goes quiet (such as when I try to sleep). That's when I get restless because not enough is going on.
When I was covering the Film Studies class, I almost went nuts. Watch the film...that's it. So I had to work on other things while the film was playing.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe it means I'm crazy. I don't know.
Then again, what do I know? I'm the guy at the Wild games who's watching the game, writing in his notebook, talking to his neighbors, and writing lesson plans...all at once. I could be wrong.

Mail Mondays (10/24/05)

Wow, another Monday. Seriously, does anyone like Mondays? After a few days of relaxing, you have to return to the grind. Be it as a student, worker, or whatever. Oy vey.
Well, let's get to the mail this week.
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Hey Leab,
Where do you get all your stories (the stripper guy, the dead Aussie, etc.)? You sure these are real?
The Fact Checker

Well, Mr. or Ms. Fact Checker,
I read way too much. When all is said and done at the end of the day, I read about six newspapers (at least), several websites, and (shock of shocks) I talk to colleagues about what they've been reading, listening to, etc. I'm very sure that the stripper story is real. It was in the NY Daily News (free to read online...for now), and today they pontificated about it on KQRS (though they once again left out facts that were pertinent...you know like this happened two years ago today). On a side note, I love this picture. It's the ultimate "deer in headlights." McCormick looks like the camera guy called him Hitler. As for some of the other stories, well, I read "The Strange News" on the Comcast and Yahoo websites. Yup, while you're reading about Britney Spears, I'm reading about an exploding python, a dead Aussie driver, and more.
Why do I read so much? Well, if you just read one paper or one source, you don't get everything. I love to read both the NY Daily News AND the NY Post, because one if super conservative and one is pretty liberal, so they will approach a story very differently. It allows you to find the truth in that story, because, you see, the truth is always in the middle. It's never as clear cut as they present. No one side is always right. It just doesn't work that way. That's why I read so many sources.
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Leab,
Who's this Emma person you mentioned before?
Inquiring minds want to know?
Anonymous

Oh sure, "Anonymous", I bet "they" do. Where do I begin? Emma is the reason why the St. Thomas Education program now talks about what to do when your students "like you." That's right. I was asked to talk to the program heads (and to a few classes) about what to do when a student has a crush on you. Now, she may deny it, or she may not, but most of my colleagues (and some of her fellow students) believe that she had a crush on me. Now, I honestly can't tell you what goes on in the heart and mind of a teenage girl, but this one, I am assured, had a thing for me. Emma is not your typical teenager. Most teenage girls aren't really concentrating on the far future, yet she was.
She's quite intelligent, and he fondness for me led to many interesting days.
Emma was one of the students, for example, who arrived at my home to "fork" my lawn. I know a few people aren't sure what "forking"is. Basically, the students put many, many forks into the teacher's lawn. As Emma once put it, "It's the new TP." I've mentioned before how she and a friend came to my home.
However, there were other stories as well. For example, I turned Emma into a Smurf. Ok, not a real smurf, but close enough for reality's sake. I was working on a set, and I warned her not keep hitting me with paint (think third grade hair pulling, but make it about paint). I gave her one final warning: "If you do that again, you will regret it." Well, being as she is the typical teenager, she did it again. So, I put her on a cardboard box and said, "If you apologize, I will not do it, but if you don't, I will pour a can of paint over your head. She refused, so...I made good. I took the blue paint, and I poured it over her head. The students (who had turned up to watch) were shocked. Emma was shocked. I, however, had proven that my word is my bond. There is a testament to that day on the wall outside the scene shop at the school. It has to do with "The Legend of Mr. Leab." Of course, funnier than the actual paint pouring was Emma's response. She first attempted to hug me (in order to get me painted), then walked around in a bra. Several students (and the director of the show) commented about the fact that she seemed to be walking by me mostly. What a shock.
The bottom line is that Emma is a very smart girl, but she has never been given boundaries. She's smart enough to get around most people, but when she ran into me, she was stuck. One of the things I know annoys her is the fact that she could never beat me. I could use logic or simple verbal tricks to stop her in her tracks. That is why I think she liked me: I was her foil. I said no, stuck to my guns, and outwitted her. Now, she goes to another school, and I don't really hear from her.
Hope that answers your question, "Anonymous."
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Leab
Law # 2 of "Leab's Laws of Life" makes no sense. How can the situation be hopeless, but not serious? That makes no sense!
A Student

Oh boy. I sure got alot on this one. Some people liked Leab's Laws of Life (scroll to the bottom), some people really didn't. Funny enough, it was the students who questioned more than the adults. I really thought it was going to be the other way. Whatever, back to the point.
#2: The situation is hopeless, but not serious. What does it mean? It means that even if things look bad, you can't dwell on them so hardcore. It DOES NOT mean that you ignore the seriousness, but rather understand it, and then move on to figuring out how to solve it. You fail on a test. It's hopeless that you can get the grade changed to passing, but the seriousness of it shouldn't be held on to for days. In the grand scheme of things, you will have more tests to take, more chances. That's what it means. Make sense now?

Thanks for stopping in for today's mail. See you all tomorrow...maybe.